Dear Sharon,
I’m pregnant with my second child. Our little one is 3 years old, and I am experiencing migraines and am unable to cope with him. Any advice for me as to how I can go on being a loving mom to my little guy while I am blinded by these headaches?
Dear Parent,
I am so sorry to hear about the complications of your pregnancy. Here are some ideas that might help you take care of yourself while taking care of your 3 year old.
One of the hardest things for many parents to admit is that they sometimes need help. Many moms handle challenges during pregnancy, and need to remember that asking friends and relatives for assistance or hiring a sitter, even on a temporary basis, can make a world of difference to their family. An extra person can give children someone to play with while moms are coping with headaches or other debilitating health issues. Even asking an older child from the neighborhood to stop by in the afternoon can make an overwhelming day much more manageable for everyone.
As parents and young ones are talking about and getting ready for the new baby, they can also talk about how mommies sometimes have to rest when the baby is growing. When a parent is not feeling well it is also important to explain to children what is going on. A 3 year old is not too young to hear something about why Mommy seems so tired or grouchy. Children might complain, but it helps to know that they are not causing your upset. It is nice for them to be given the chance to express their thoughts about any new routines as well.
I also strongly encourage parents during and after pregnancy to set aside a part of each day (even 15 minutes or a half hour can help) to give their children undivided attention. During this time I suggest that moms and dads do whatever a child would like to do. If physical limitations make it hard to do quality time for very long, explain why to a little one beforehand. If a strained mom can’t do this at all, it can help to have her partner step in whenever possible.
Sometimes it can help for a child to say how hard it is that Mommy isn’t feeling well. When this is the case, it is good for a parent to listen and simply express how sorry she is, and how much she looks forward to the time when things are easier. Taking the time to have conversations like this can help ease worry and frustration for everyone.
I hope your migraines pass quickly and you have some opportunities to enjoy your son before and after the new little one arrives.
