As summer begins, do you find yourself thinking that sunshine can wipe away behavior problems? It’s true that fresh air and more time at the playground is good for us all, but it won’t change the behavior patterns that have haunted you all year.
It is true that the lighter rhythm of summertime can alleviate whining, because there is less activity and stress in daily life. And when you are not racing the clock to get to school so early, mornings will be smoother.
This does not mean the problem is solved, however. It means the problem is not confronted because of the easier schedule. You will find that when your circumstances put you in direct contact with a behavior challenge, you will still find the same frustrating situations.
Don’t fool yourself into believing that summertime means freedom from behavior challenges. Instead, use this time to face difficult behavior.
Here are three rules to use when shifting behavior in your child:
Speak with purpose. Your words matter. The words you speak need to match what you mean. If you are giving your small being a direction, something she must do, use a statement. If you are asking your small being a question, something she has the option of doing, ask a question.
Actions count. Once you say that something is going to happen, make it happen. Don’t repeat yourself over and over — instead, do it. This is how you teach small ones to listen. You need to model the behavior you want your children to demonstrate, so be mindful of your actions.
Choose honey, perspective is powerful. Find positive ways to teach and interact with your small beings. The more often you point out what they do well, the more they will do those things. The more you share how amazing they are, the more amazing they become. This also works in the reverse. The more you focus on their challenging behaviors, the more those behaviors will happen.
Small steps lead to big behavior change! Spend 10 minutes every day focusing on one of these rules. If you’d like to focus on more than one rule, then all the better! At most, you will focus on behavior for just 30 minutes a day. Reflect on how you did the previous day implementing that rule and resolve to act differently moving forward.
Get started putting these ideas in place. When you are ready for more, visit DrMarcie.com/freegift.
Dr. Marcie Beigel is a behavior specialist based in Brooklyn. She has worked with thousands of families for more than 20 years. Her book “Love Your Classroom Again” was a bestseller. You may have seen her as a guest expert on WCBS and Fox. Find out more at DrMar
