Cyberbullying may seem like something that happens to other people, but the statistics say otherwise. A study from the Pew Research Center found that, among adults, 40 percent have experienced online harassment and 73 percent have witnessed it.
For teens, the numbers are a little lower, although researchers note that many adolescents don’t report incidents of cyberbullying for the same reason they don’t talk about offline harassment: they feel intimidated and humiliated. They assume nothing can be done. And they worry talking to adults will make the problem worse.
That’s why parents need to be proactive.
The hard fact is that most children will eventually encounter people who use the internet to intimidate, harass, and threaten others.
The best way to fortify kids is to talk — in advance — about what cyberbullying is, how to prevent it, and what can be done when it happens. Here’s some of what your child needs to know:
Recognize
Cyberbullying comes in many forms. The mildest is mean comments, name-calling, and shaming. Painful as this may be for the target, it isn’t dangerous. Learning to shake off mean comments is a life skill. To give kids perspective, talk about the American tradition of free speech. Nasty, misinformed people have a right to their opinion, but that doesn’t mean your child should pay attention.
Other forms of harassment are more serious, especially if they continue day after day. These include threats of personal harm including rape, spreading lies that damage a person’s reputation, posting personal information including cellphone numbers or sexual photos, and techno attacks such as taking control of a social media account. Help your child distinguish between unpleasantness and risk.
Be proactive
The best way to deal with any problem is to avoid it. Raise your child with the assumption that people will be kind to each other. Model that way of living in your home, and help your child find friends who respect and appreciate each other.
Online, help your child build a community where people treat each other well. Point your child toward the helpful Social Media Safety Guides produced by Heartmob (iheartmob.org). There are separate guides with straightforward explanations of privacy tools for Facebook, Twitter, Reddit, Tumblr, and YouTube.
Get creative
Because bullies can’t always be avoided and authorities can’t always be effective, a growing number of people are taking creative steps to make the internet safer for everyone. Kids who know about these efforts are less likely to feel hopeless about bullying if it happens to them or they witness it. They may still feel shock, shame, and even fear, but they will also know that they have allies and role models who have figured out effective ways to respond.
• A Thin Line provides detailed information about online harassment and encourages kids to share steps they’ve taken to assert their digital rights. The site, developed by MTV, also has a “for grown-ups” section that lists helpful resources (athinline.org/pages/parents-and-educators).
• BeStrong Emoji are little symbols, distributed by Vodaphone, that allow kids to encourage people who are being harassed (vodafone.com/content/parents.html).
• We Heart It is a social media app that limits harassment by allowing users to “heart” but not comment on content uploaded by others (weheartit.com).
• StompOutBullying runs a free, confidential chat line for teens over 13. Trained volunteers provide support to young people who are distressed about online harassment (stompoutbullying.org).
• The Speech Project details all the ways young women can be harassed online. The tools and resources section provides up-to-date information about what girls and young women can do to protect and defend themselves (wmcspeechproject.com).
• StopIt is software that allows people within a community to anonymously send screenshots of material that is offensive or abusive. Schools that use the app have seen a reduction in the number of cyberbullying incidents (stopitcyberbully.com).
It’s natural for parents to want their children to live in a kinder, safer world. At the same time, parents need to equip children with the skills they need to cope with problems, should they arise. When parents talk — in advance — about communities that have mobilized to combat cyberbullying, children become stronger, more confident, and more likely to respond constructively to whatever comes their way online.
Carolyn Jabs raised three computer-savvy kids including one with special needs. Her new book, “Cooperative Wisdom: Bringing People Together When Things Fall Apart,” will be published in 2016. Visit carol
© 2016, Carolyn Jabs. All rights reserved.
