Precise speech curbs delays

It’s Wednesday at 3:30 pm, and you walk in the door with your kid in tow. You ask her to wash her hands. She says, “In a minute,” and runs to her bedroom. Ten minutes later, her hands are still not washed.

It’s 4:30 pm, and you say, “Let’s build Legos.” Your son says, “Wait, I’m finishing this.”

At 5:30 pm, you call your children to the table to eat. They say, “In a minute.”

Time goes on and at 7:15 pm, bath time, you call your daughter to the tub, and she says, “I’m not ready.”

Now you’re angry and wondering if your children will ever listen. You’re frustrated they don’t do what you tell them to do, and you’re a bit confused since you want to give them a moment when it’s needed, just not all the time!

“In a minute” is only a good answer if your child really needs more time to finish one more homework answer or put one more block in place. However, many children say “in a minute” without any intention of actually doing what you ask them to do.

Stop pulling out your hair, yelling at your kids, or having a small tantrum of your own. Instead, let’s teach your kids to listen to you.

First, you need to stop asking your kids to do things, and start telling them. Switch your language from “Can you please go wash your hands?” to “Go wash your hands, please.” Adding in the “please” is optional.

When you ask a question, your child can say “yes” or “no.” When you give a direction, there is no choice.

Also, notice the clarity in my directions. They are action-based and objective. Anyone that is watching will know if hands were washed or not.

Sometimes your directions might not be so clear, like saying, “Please, clean up.” What is being cleaned up: an entire room or just one particular toy? The more specific you can be, the easier it becomes for your child to do what you said. This also lays the foundation for your kids to be good listeners.

What do you say now when your child says “in a minute?” Do you say, “okay?” My answer is generally, “No, now.” Again, clear and direct.

Once you say that, your child might start making a move when you ask her to do so. When you do this over and over again, your child will stop asking for an extra minute and will start to do things the first time you ask.

Some children need a little more support. After you say, “no, now,” walk over, take her hand, and say, “Okay, we can do it together.” Pairing your speech with the physical action gives them the physical experience of listening to you. They will feel in their body what “doing it now” means.

Swift, clear actions paired with concise language will stop your child from avoiding your directions.

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Dr. Marcie Beigel is a behavioral therapist based in Brooklyn. She has worked with thousands of families for more than 15 years and has condensed her observations into her practice and programs. For more on her, visit www.BehaviorAndBeyond.net.