Most parents think I’m joking when I ask them about their plan for tantrums during the summer. Isn’t the summer supposed to be easy street with small beings?
You’d think all the fun activities you’ve planned would keep problem behaviors away, but that’s not what usually happens.
Nevertheless, families usually want to take a break from dealing with the root causes of negative behavior, so they’ll ask me if we can suspend our sessions for the summer. There are lots of good reasons: sending your kids to camp, going on adventures throughout the city, or heading outside the city for weekend and longer trips.
Once I know the plan, I ask, “What will you do when your small being has a tantrum or doesn’t listen?” At this point, parents look at me like I’m crazy — it’s summer!
Yes, there are less stressors and daily demands, but bad behavior doesn’t take a summer vacation. As much as we’d like it to, it doesn’t magically become good behavior.
It’s so easy to let go of the behavior strategies that you’ve put in place during the school year. The relief from struggles feels like a dream, and I’m sorry to say that in some ways it is. This shift is not because your child has magically become the best listener ever. The shift has come, because there aren’t as many hard things for her to do in the summer. Spending a full day at camp is much more fun than a full day at school, as a small being isn’t pushed to focus and engage in the same way. The demand to do things she doesn’t like is significantly decreased in the summer.
I would like to encourage you to take advantage of this time to teach the behaviors you want to see in your small beings. Think about the struggles you’ve had over the past school year, for example listening, focusing on hard tasks, delays at bedtime, or arguing when asked to do chores. Pick one or two behaviors and focus on them all summer.
If your small being struggled with sitting in school this year, then make sure that each day you’re sitting to read together. If your small being struggled with getting up and out the door ready for school, then even on quiet mornings, get up and ready for the day before lounging around the house. You have the time this summer to really address some of these challenges. You have the space to do intense work necessary to change behavior. Do it! You’ll be grateful you did.
Certainly, enjoy some of this behavioral reprieve. Enjoy the flow of your family and celebrate the success you’re having, but don’t let those hard-fought improvements in behavior slide. While smaller bad behaviors might not bother you in June, by mid-July they’ll start to frustrate you, and by August, you’ll be begging for the school to start. Keep high behavioral standards for your family, even in the ease of summer!
Dr. Marcie Beigel is a behavioral therapist based in Brooklyn. She has worked with thousands of families for more than 15 years and has condensed her observations into her practice and programs. For more on her, visit www.Behav
