Dear Dr. Karyn,
I have three sons and find it difficult at times to know what they need and expect from me. I heard you on the radio sharing your Top 20 list about what teen guys want their moms to know. Can you share again? Loved hearing this!
Dear parent,
I’ve received many e-mails and calls from parents wanting this list. Last year I shared the 20 things girls wanted their dads to know — so this is a nice continuation to that conversation! The following list was created by a group of teen guys I worked with, so sit back and enjoy.
Ask your son how many of these apply to him:
• Stop telling us to pull up our pants.
• Our first shave should not be considered a Kodak moment.
• Don’t take it personally that we don’t want to go shopping with you anymore.
• What may be “just a game” to you — e.g., sports game, video games — could be extremely important to us.
• You’ll never think that a girl is good enough for us, but we need to find out for ourselves.
• Leave “the talk” to Dad.
• Try to bite your tongue when our voices crack.
• What may sound like noise to you is great music to us.
• Reminding is different than nagging.
• If you think something’s wrong, there probably is. Please don’t press the issue. We’ll come to you when we’re ready.
• We eat a lot.
• Just because video games weren’t around when you were a kid doesn’t make them any less fun.
• My room isn’t messy, it’s “lived-in.”
• If you give us too much freedom we might abuse it. If you give us too little, we’ll definitely abuse it.
• My cellphone is not a 24-hour personal walkie-talkie.
• It’s not just good decisions we learn from.
• Assuring us that our current problem is “not a big deal” won’t change our minds.
• It’s one thing to introduce yourself to our friends, but another to interrogate them.
• Schoolwork is obviously important. That doesn’t mean that other things aren’t.
• Even if we don’t say it enough, we do appreciate you.
How to connect with introverted children
Dear Dr. Karyn,
How can I connect to my introverted child?
Dear parent,
According to a popular personality test called Myers Briggs, there are 16 common personality types. In families, there are often different personality types with differences that can lead to conflict. I find misunderstanding between parent and child is common especially if the parent is an extrovert and the child is an introvert.
Extroverts talk fast, like to be the center of attention, thrive in social settings, and enjoy being where the party is. Introverts may like to be where the party is, but generally don’t want to be in the spotlight. They often prefer conversations that are one-on-one and they usually need much more alone-time. Also, introverts like to collect their thoughts before they speak, while an extrovert speaks and thinks at the same time. This means the extrovert often becomes impatient waiting for the introvert to speak.
If a parent is an extrovert and a child is an introvert, they will often misunderstand each other. The extroverted parent will try to get the child to go out more, speak faster, and encourage her to have more friends. The introverted child may feel rushed and forced to be more social than she prefers.
It’s important to remember that we are all different — not better or worse — just different. Extroverted parents: it’s important to respect that your introverted child will not need to go out and socialize as much as you. And she will need more time to talk, so don’t rush or cut her off in conversation. She has lots to say — she just needs more time to say it.
Dr. Karyn Gordon is one of North America’s leading relationship and parenting experts. She is a regular contributor to “Good Morning America,” founder of dk Leadership, best-selling author of “Dr. Karyn’s Guide To The Teen Years” (Harper Collins), and motivational speaker to a quarter of a million people. Visit her at www.dkleadership.org and on Twitter: @DrKarynGordon.
