I’ve been home with both of my children now for a little over two months on maternity leave and, for the most part, it’s been great. The other part? The terrible twos. Olivia is not just whiny and mildly annoying (do all toddlers sound like broken records?), but she’s also increasingly defiant. At times I wonder if she just says something because it’s the complete opposite of what I’ve said.
Like most parents, I’ve made judgmental comments like, “I would never let my child…” It’s true; I never thought in a million years that I would have a child that talks to me the way Olivia does or tests my patience as much as she does. Never did it occur to me that my sweet little girl would bully me. At times I think she’s adorable, but when she misbehaves and I know it’s a learning opportunity, I have to fight back my laughter. On occasion, she has hit me, followed quickly by, “I’m sorry, Mommy.” This sour-and-sweet behavior has become a pattern between us and I wonder, are all toddlers naturally a little bipolar?
Last week we had a play date with two of my girlfriends and their toddlers. They both told me, after witnessing Olivia’s behavior, that I was too laid back with her. On the same day, after being at my wit’s end and scolding Olivia for not picking up her toys, my husband told me that I’m too harsh with her. When I spoke to my mother for guidance she assured me that it was normal. Olivia and I were spending all day together and most of that time I was caring for a newborn. It was completely natural for her to act out and more importantly, for me at least, it was also completely normal for me to feel frustrated.
I know that the terrible twos will pass but I admit, there are days when I’m almost reduced to tears. I’ve taken the advice of many and am paying extra attention to Olivia. I’ve added a lot more structure to our days, and I’ve noticed that distracting her when she’s frustrated is best for all of us. We play games and practice our alphabet. Even cleaning up is a chance for her to learn something and for us to be silly together. It’s helping a lot with her tantrums and for the most part, I try to focus on the sweet and ignore the sour.
