Here’s what happens when you’re a new dad: sometime in the first year, your baby begins to grasp the basics of language and develops a small vocabulary of sounds, and you get all excited about it.
“Did she just say ball? Or was it bulb? I changed a lightbulb earlier — did she hear me say that? I can’t believe it!”
A couple months later you realize she’s mostly sticking with the same handful of syllables: maa maa maa and dadadada, and sometimes dah for dog, and so you ask your wife, “Why isn’t she using full sentences yet? What does this mean? Is something wrong?”
I’ll tell you what it means. It means you’re a new parent. It’s natural that you’re going to struggle with the age-old conundrum: when should I be worried?
To help with that, here are two things to keep in mind.
First, there’s a broad age range during which a baby will begin crawling, talking, walking, etc. Unless your little one entirely passes that time frame without progress, there’s no reason to be nervous. It doesn’t matter how early or late in that range she starts imitating the awful things you say when you drop a toolbox on your toe. There’s no big advantage in life that stems from your baby pulling herself to a standing position a month before your neighbor’s baby. It really makes no difference.
Second, a lot of the anxiety you feel is a result of your own inflated expectations. Being a new parent, you naturally assume your baby is smarter than other babies and will outperform them in all important measures — thus, if she’s already falling behind on babbling or crawling, then her chances of early acceptance to Harvard will be in serious jeopardy. If that’s where things stand for you, consider this: your “genius baby” who miraculously opened a box of cereal at 5 months will still go through a phase of trying to eat rocks sometime in the next year, so don’t get ahead of yourself. Similarly, you don’t need to jump to the conclusion that there’s a developmental delay if your baby is 7 or even 17 weeks behind your neighbor’s baby in terms of walking.
Comparing your baby with other babies is nothing but a recipe for neurosis. There are little genes that are scheduled to switch on according to a master plan, and every baby has different instructions. Think of it like a big business that’s running inside that little brain: each department has its own responsibilities and its own schedule. Here’s a typical conversation from the water cooler inside the offices of BabyCorp:
“Shouldn’t we get going on this talking project? Do we have people for that? Are we going to fall behind schedule?”
“Nahhh, there’s no rush. I got a guy comin’ later. When he gets here we’ll have this baby talkin’ like a teenage girl at the mall.”
So, you see? Your baby is developing right on schedule. Just not on your schedule. Her inner worker-bees are doing their jobs. Likewise, you should just do yours — provide lots of toys and stimulation and encouragement, but don’t think you’re going to bring every project in ahead of schedule.
Of course, there are no guarantees, and there’s always the chance that something will not go as it should. What do you do if you find that something is out of the ordinary? It turns out worrying doesn’t actually help very much then, either. Any kind of curve-ball pertaining to your child can be stressful, but your primary job is to be supportive and loving, not to be neurotic and afraid.
Talk to a pediatrician and educate yourself so that you can make the best decisions for your child. Then take things one step at a time.
My little baby, now approaching 16 months, has added a few more sounds to her repertoire. She’s also progressed past tentatively walking a few feet at a time to stomping all around the apartment, pulling down the curtains, climbing up onto the couch, falling off the couch, and then trying to climb the bookshelves. She isn’t using full sentences yet, but that’s fine — she’s got plenty of stuff going on. And that means I’ve got a whole new list of things to worry about.
Tim Perrins is a part-time stay-at-home dad who lives with his wife and their highly advanced baby in Park Slope, Brooklyn. More of his thoughts about babies and other things that confuse him can be found at www.RevoltOfTheImbeciles.blogspot.com.
