I met with an old friend whom I hadn’t seen in a while and as soon as we sat down to “enjoy” our lunch, I remembered why I had stayed away. I realized she’s a classic one-upper — no matter what I’ve done or what I’m doing, she insists that she is doing better.
Most people know someone like this in their lives, and it’s usually entertaining to see her try to validate herself constantly by trying to outshine you. The difference is, now she constantly has to tell me how much more advanced her child is compared to mine (so not true!).
I asked her how her daughter was doing at her new school (she’s 5), and said she must be having fun at a new place. I said this very enthusiastically. She responded by saying that it’s not fun at all. The school curriculum is “very tough.” I shot back saying that learning is still fun, especially when they’re learning easy things.
“No,” she insisted. “She has to learn her colors, alphabet, manners, and basic math. She even has homework.”
Basically, all the things that Olivia has learned at age 2 in daycare, her 5-year-old child is being taught the exact thing at a fancy, expensive school. I kept my comments to myself. Then she asked if Olivia was in diapers.
“Well, she wears Pull-ups. She still has her accidents and goes potty when she feels like it.”
I don’t push her with her potty training. I was hoping this woman would give me some potty-training wisdom, but instead she gasped and reminded me that her daughter had been out of diapers at 2 years old. However, she didn’t feel like mentioning that she still uses a pacifier, bottle, and sleeps in the bed with mommy and daddy. That information didn’t get highlighted.
Then we turned the conversation to some happy news and common ground: we’re both expecting. But even that topic was an opportunity for her to dominate the conversation. She asked me what hospital I’d be delivering in, and I mentioned that I’d be going to the same hospital I used to deliver Olivia, since I had such a great experience and the staff was amazing. She told me that her hospital was rated in the top five for childbirth and delivery and that each room has a luxurious spa-like bathroom. Yes, because the loo is definitely the most important criteria for selecting a hospital (eye roll).
I realize there are a lot of people like her, unfortunately. People always want to feel better about themselves, especially when it comes to their kids, which really just translates to their identity as a parent. I get it: it’s the most important job we have, and we want the world to know we’re great. Personally, though, I prefer to relate to people, not undermine them. And as far as Olivia’s achievements, she doesn’t need to impress anyone, because no matter what she does or doesn’t do, her father and I will always cheer her on.
