Something crazy happens after you have a child. Well, actually, a lot of craziness happens, but I’m talking about what happens to your relationships. You remember, your friends?
When I was pre-baby, I had a somewhat active social life; dinner after work with friends, happy hour on Fridays with co-workers, and date night with my husband, which usually included meeting up with other couples. I got invited to places and events. I got to pick and choose where I wanted to go, how I wanted to spend my time, and with whom. There was a healthy balance between me-time, friend-time, and family-time.
It’s understood that once you become a parent, your priorities change. Yes, I get that. But even after I’ve pureed my daughter’s baby food, done her laundry, played with her, chatted with my husband, made dinner (occasionally), I still want to make time for my friends. It’s because of my new priorities that my rare friend time is even more special.
Let me tell you, I am the first one to respond to any invite these days. Girls night? I’m in. Brunch? See you there. Recently, my husband and I attended a wedding. We had a babysitter (thanks, Mom!) for the night and planned on staying out all night long (read: after midnight). I visited the open bar often, and we were that obnoxious couple at the wedding asking everyone where the after-party was.
Don’t judge me. Before I had my daughter, I never understood why some of our friends always wanted to stay out so late. What’s wrong with them? Don’t they know when to go home?! I now realize that they, too, had children, and they were enjoying their big night out.
I’m not eager to get away, because I’m a stressed-out mom or because I’m looking to escape my motherly duties, but because I want to hold onto my identity as much as possible. Going from child-free to new mom is a lot to take in. I understand that a lot of mothers (myself included) feel overwhelmed when they take a step back and see how everything has changed dramatically after having a baby. Happy moms make for happy babies, right? It’s because I’ve managed to hold onto a piece of my pre-baby self that I am, for the most part, a sane mother.
It’s this same attitude that has made my transition back to work a lot easier than I expected. I had mentally prepared myself for the separation anxiety (mine, not hers) that would surely come once Olivia started daycare. But, rather ashamedly, I haven’t felt any guilt yet. When I’m at work, I’m engaged, and I look forward to going home to my baby. When I’m home, it’s all about her.
Nowadays, the party invites aren’t coming in like they used to, although Olivia has some to attend soon. But, maybe my friends are busier with their priorities, too. That’s life. On the occasion that I am spending time with friends, I treasure that quality time, because the truth is, these moments are few and far between. I can’t get up and go anymore, and I have to think about somebody else before I accept an invitation to do anything. I’m struggling to hold onto my friendships so hard. Will it get worse if I decide to have more children? Will my children be my new BFFs? That wouldn’t be so terrible, of course. But it would be terrible if I didn’t even make time for my friends.
