Home alone, dude

My wife and I had to go out of town.

While engaging in the NASA-level logistics required by travel, our recently teened son volunteered to stay behind to watch the house and menagerie, causing my wife and I to swoon after realizing the money we’d save on pet sitters, house sitters and someone to maintain surveillance on our Canadian neighbors.

I would like to report that at this juncture, as professional parents, we sat down for a long talk with the kid about responsibilities and curfews, but all I remember is arriving breathless and poorly packed at O’Hare. We were somewhere over Ohio when we looked at each other and realized what we’d done.

“I bet he’s on fire right now.”

“The dogs are gonna starve.”

“It’s OK, they’ll probably eat his corpse.”

We worried through a hideous parade of catastrophes until the plane landed. I called him immediately.

“ARE YOU OK?”

“Dad, I’m in the middle of a game. When are you guys leaving?”

This held us over through renting a car, but as soon as we were on the road, hellish visions of disaster struck again. What if the pilot light goes out? What if a plane crashes on our house? What if he gets a tattoo? We pulled over.

“CHECK THE STOVE!”

“Dad, seriously. I’m in an Orc campaign. People depend on me. You guys have to learn how to be on your own.”

He was right. We had spent 14 years turning him into the remarkably responsible young man he had become. He knew how to run the house, take care of pets, order Chinese. Really, truthfully, except for bartending and finances, our work was done. He was fine.

So we did what any confident, highly accomplished parents do. We forgot about him.

Two days of micro-seminars and macro-martinis later, I get a call.

“Dad, did you leave your office light on?”

“No, I…”

“I think there’s a burglar.”

“If there was a burglar, the dogs would be — wow, the dogs are really barking, aren’t they?”

“I’m 99.9 percent sure it’s OK, but I’m going upstairs to check.”

“What if there is a burglar!?”

“It’s OK — I have a knife.”

Abrupt signal loss.

As a parent, 800 miles away in the middle of nowhere with a bad connection and overactive imagination, I can tell you I was jumpy. My kid’s shoe size is listed as Sasquatch. He ducks under doors. He can pick up a car. However, he is unduly skittish. His reaction to spiders, for instance, is insanely comical — like he’s doing yoga really fast. Plus, he’s clumsy.

So my vision of him confronting a burglar with a knife ended with multiple self-inflicted stab wounds and a note from the crook: “Dear parents, what is wrong with you people?”

I shot out of the conference into the rain, fear tears streaming down my face, sealing contracts with various lesser deities, apologizing to the great wheel of karma for leaving my only son home alone, pointing my phone into the stratosphere for bars, when he called back, his voice tight with urgency.

“DAD! DAD! OH MY GOD! DAD!”

“OH SWEET JESUS, BOY WHAT IS IT!?”

“There’s no more frozen pizza!”

They say a sound was heard that night, in the far reaches of the North Carolina hills near a conference center, a snarling, depraved, nearly human wail, guttural, almost forming words. They say it might be proof that Sasquatch lives.

I can assure you: not for long.

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CBE Kids Summer Day Camps

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 0pt;"><span style="font-size: 11pt; font-family: Arial; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: bold; font-style: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-position: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Congregation Beth Elohim is so excited to announce the return of CBE Kids Day Camps starting THIS summer!</span></p> <p><span style="font-size: 11pt; font-family: Arial; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-position: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Two programs will be offered in summer 2022: Elementary Day Camp and Camp Kef Hebrew Language Camp, both for rising Kindergarten to 4th graders. A typical day will include community building through play, and activities such as sports, art, computer coding, dance, instructional and free swim in our indoor pool, and much more. Camp Kef Hebrew Language Camp offers all of the same great activities in a Hebrew immersion setting appropriate for dual language learners, native speakers, and kids looking to grow their Hebrew skills.</span></p> <p><span style="font-size: 11pt; font-family: Arial; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-position: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Both camps utilize their beautiful Temple House in the heart of Park Slope, as well as Prospect Park — CBE’s backyard — for outdoor programming. CBE Kids aims to be a place where campers can try new things, make new friends, and grow through play.</span></p> <p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 0pt;"><span style="font-size: 11pt; font-family: Arial; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-position: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">CBE can't wait to welcome everyone back to camp this summer. Whether you are a returning camper who cannot wait to get back after two summers away, or a new camper who is ready for a magical summer, there is something for everyone at CBE Kids Summer Camps!</span></p> <p> </p>

Snapology

<blockquote style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0px 40px; padding: 0px;"> <blockquote style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0px 40px; padding: 0px;"> <div class="gmail_default"><span style="color: #000000; font-family: Arial; font-size: 12pt;">Get ready for the best summer ever! Snapology uses LEGO® bricks, K’Nex, and technology to teach children about Science, Technology, Engineering, Art & Math (STEAM) - . Your kids can participate in camps and activities designed to build confidence and make learning fun.  While the kids are having fun with familiar themes, toys, laptops and iPads, we sneak in the learning! </span></div> </blockquote> <div> <div class="gmail_default"><span style="color: #000000; font-family: Arial; font-size: 12pt;"> </span></div> </div> </blockquote> <blockquote style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0px 40px; padding: 0px;"> <blockquote style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0px 40px; padding: 0px;"> <div class="gmail_default"><span style="color: #000000; font-family: Arial; font-size: 12pt;">WHAT MAKES OUR CAMP UNIQUE?</span></div> </blockquote> <blockquote style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0px 40px; padding: 0px;"> <div class="gmail_default"><span style="color: #000000; font-family: Arial; font-size: 12pt;"> </span></div> </blockquote> <blockquote style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0px 40px; padding: 0px;"> <div class="gmail_default"><span style="color: #000000; font-family: Arial; font-size: 12pt;">Build Confidence with Hands-On Learning</span></div> </blockquote> <blockquote style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0px 40px; padding: 0px;"> <div class="gmail_default"><span style="color: #000000; font-family: Arial; font-size: 12pt;">Snapology offers a variety of programs designed to reinforce core competencies and curricula being taught at each grade level. Our programs can be customized based on the # of children, age of children, time allotment and/or other special requirements. We adapt to your goals and objectives.</span></div> </blockquote> </blockquote> <blockquote style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0px 40px; padding: 0px;"> <div class="gmail_default"><span style="color: #000000; font-family: Arial; font-size: 12pt;"> </span></div> </blockquote> <blockquote style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0px 40px; padding: 0px;"> <blockquote style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0px 40px; padding: 0px;"> <div class="gmail_default"><span style="color: #000000; font-family: Arial; font-size: 12pt;">Social Skill Development</span></div> </blockquote> <blockquote style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0px 40px; padding: 0px;"> <div class="gmail_default"> <div><span style="color: #000000; font-family: Arial; font-size: 12pt;">Snapology’s flexible curriculum allows teachers to adapt to the needs of each unique group of students while allowing children to progress and explore at their own pace. The curriculum is designed to benefit all students - gifted, traditional, and non-typical learners.</span></div> <div><span style="color: #000000; font-family: Arial; font-size: 12pt;"> </span></div> </div> </blockquote> <blockquote style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0px 40px; padding: 0px;"> <div class="gmail_default"><span style="color: #000000; font-family: Arial; font-size: 12pt;">Certified Educators</span></div> </blockquote> <blockquote style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0px 40px; padding: 0px;"> <div class="gmail_default"> <div><span style="color: #000000; font-family: Arial; font-size: 12pt;">All Snapology Teachers hold current Teaching Certifications and promote the creativity, teamwork, and problem-solving skills while educating students on STEAM (Science, Technology, Engineering, Art & Math).</span></div> <div><span style="color: #000000; font-family: Arial; font-size: 12pt;"> </span></div> </div> </blockquote> <blockquote style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0px 40px; padding: 0px;"> <div class="gmail_default"><span style="color: #000000; font-family: Arial; font-size: 12pt;">Small Groups</span></div> </blockquote> <blockquote style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0px 40px; padding: 0px;"> <div class="gmail_default"> <div><span style="color: #000000; font-family: Arial; font-size: 12pt;">1:6 teacher to student ratio. Smaller intentional camps for more engagement and personalized experiences </span></div> <div><span style="color: #000000; font-family: Arial; font-size: 12pt;"> </span></div> </div> </blockquote> <blockquote style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0px 40px; padding: 0px;"> <div class="gmail_default"><span style="color: #000000; font-family: Arial; font-size: 12pt;">Updates via Class Dojo</span></div> </blockquote> <blockquote style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0px 40px; padding: 0px;"> <div class="gmail_default"> <div><span style="color: #000000; font-family: Arial; font-size: 12pt;">During camp days, Class Dojo is used to update caregivers on how their child is adapting throughout the day. Message the camp leaders directly and request updates, photos, and videos, accordingly!</span></div> <div><span style="color: #000000; font-family: Arial; font-size: 12pt;"> </span></div> <div><span style="color: #000000; font-family: Arial; font-size: 12pt;">Demand for small format camps is high and capacity is limited so don't delay. Enroll your child today!</span></div> </div> </blockquote> </blockquote>

Incarnation Camp

<p dir="ltr">Wilderness adventure & classic summer camp fun!</p> <p dir="ltr">Located in coastal Connecticut, on over 700 wooded acres surrounding a mile-long private lake, Incarnation Camps are the country's oldest co-ed camps.  Since 1886, we have provided a fun-filled, traditional camp with experiential learning and group living in the outdoors.  We guide campers through well-rounded & adventurous programs that develop an appreciation for nature & celebrate the uniqueness of each individual.  We offer both overnight and day camp programs on our property and serve over 1000 campers each summer through our various programs.</p>