Dear Mr. Morton,
My son is bullied by several students his age. I’ve talked to them nicely, and with their parents, but to no avail. Why do some children torment others?
— Concerned Parent
Dear Concerned Parent,
Research reveals key personality traits dwell in full-time bullies, including a desire to dominate others and a strong need to feel in control and to win. There’s also a pattern of aggressive behavior, no remorse for hurting others, and a refusal to accept responsibility for their own actions (Samenow, Dr. S.).
Eighty percent of children don’t bully others, and only a fragment of the 20 percent who do are full-timers, but the aftereffects are far-reaching. Nationwide, roughly 77 percent of students are bullied at some point and 14 percent of them admit to having severe reactions to it.
Chances are that when your son becomes a teenager and is climbing the mountain to adult maturity, the tough guys presently tormenting him will still be loitering in the same gutter.
Why? Because children your son’s age may look up to a bully, but after early adolescence, the popularity of the bully mentality collapses.
It’s ironic, but even though your son may own the problem today, his tormentors may suffer tomorrow. Their universal popularity will thaw as their “browbeater” reputation precedes them into high school, where maturing peers will frown upon them. They’ll have no one but themselves.
One 35-year study of childhood bullies lays open true problem ownership: by age 24, 60 percent will have one or more criminal convictions, along with alcoholism and many court convictions, dependence on government welfare, antisocial personality disorders, and use of mental health services. They end up “out,” not in control.
Few bullies, but many of their victims, march forward into a triumphal adulthood. As children, Harrison Ford, Mel Gibson, Tom Cruise, Phil Collins, and Michelle Pfeiffer (to name a few of many) were tormented by bullies.
In the long run, your child doesn’t own the problem, his bullies do.
Robert Morton, MEd, EdS, has retired from his positions as school psychologist for Fremont City Schools and adjunct professor in the School of Leadership and Policy Studies at BGSU. Contact him at [email protected].
