Dear Twins,
I am pregnant with my second baby and my youngest, who is 6, keeps asking how the baby got there. His grandmother keeps saying an angel brought her. I’m uncomfortable with this, but am too embarrassed to talk about sex to him!
Jacqueline says: Simply say the baby grows from an egg in the mommy’s womb, pointing to your stomach, and comes out of a special place, called the vagina. There is simply no need to explain the act of sex at this point in time. (He wouldn’t understand it anyway.)
Kerry says: If this doesn’t satisfy his curiosity, continue that the man’s sperm joins the woman’s egg and then the baby begins to grow. Most young kids will accept this answer. Age-appropriate books on the subject are also helpful.
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Dear Twins,
I was taken by surprise when I walked in on my 5-year-old girl and the neighbor’s 6-year-old boy playing “doctor.” I am really confused. How should I have handled this?
Jacqueline says: It’s best not to make a big fuss and simply direct the children to another activity. Sit down and talk with your child. Tell her that although you understand the interest in her friend’s body, their bodies should be covered from others and in public. Tell her that in no way should she feel guilty, but setting boundaries from others is important.
Kerry says: This is also a good time to talk about “good touch” and “bad touch.” Tell your daughter that her body is her own and she has the right to privacy. No one should touch her if she doesn’t like it, and she should tell him to stop it if he does. Make sure she understands that it’s important for her to tell you if anyone does.
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Dear Twins,
My brother and his wife walk around nude in front of their young kids. He thinks there is nothing to be ashamed of, and Americans are too uptight. (His wife is French.) I am going away, and my son will be staying with them for the weekend. Should I ask them to cover up just for the weekend?
Kerry says: Families set their own values for nudity, modesty, and privacy, and every family’s values are different. Explain your brother’s free-spirit nudity to your son. Ask your son if he is comfortable with this. If he is not, find another situation.
Jacqueline says: It is an imposition to ask other families to act differently in their own homes, because you have privacy issues. However, if you really can’t handle it, change the arrangements for the weekend. In my opinion, you’re being a bit uptight.
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Dear Twins,
My co-worker’s baby died last weekend of sudden infant death syndrome. I hear it is very common, and am horrified at the idea of my 1-year-old suffering such a fate. What can I do to help prevent it?
Kerry says: Sudden infant death syndrome is the leading cause of death for infants 1 month to 1 year of age. Approximately 2,000 babies in the U.S. die each year from the syndrome. That said, there are ways to dramatically reduce your baby’s risk. For one, always place your baby on his or her back to sleep. Your baby should also sleep on a firm sleep surface. Lastly, be sure to keep soft objects, toys, and loose bedding out of your baby’s sleep area.
Jaqueline says: Another no-no is smoking around a newborn. For the record, the National Center for Health Statistics has reported a more than 50 percent drop in sudden infant death syndrome death rates and a decrease in stomach sleeping from 70 percent to 15 percent. This is the equivalent of saving more than 3,500 American babies each year.
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Dear Twins,
We just moved to a new city due to my husband’s job transfer, and we have a 3-month-old baby. I’m a stay-at-home mom and very happy, and we have wonderful neighbors. However, one neighbor keeps asking me to watch her 1-year-old for “just a few minutes” while she runs to the store to get some formula, etc. These “few minutes” have stretched into hours, then into half days and finally into whole days. What should I say to her? She is really taking advantage of me!
Jacqueline says: Yes, she is taking advantage of you. The question is, why are you letting her? The next time she asks you to watch her kid, simply refuse. If she asks why, tell her it’s because she is taking advantage of you.
Kerry says: Tell her you are unable to watch her child as you are so busy you can barely keep an eye on your OWN. Leave it at that. I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again: no one can take advantage of you unless you let her.
