My 7-year-old daughter Kiele came home from school one day in a bad mood, saying that she didn’t want to go back. She loves school, so I knew I better take her seriously. She explained that she had not been talking to or playing with her close friend Adriana. I knew that my daughter needed my help, so I called Adriana’s mom, Maureen, and explained the situation to her. We agreed that the girls needed to talk about their problems.
Though Kiele was reluctant to speak to Adriana, we went over to her house. When we arrived, Adriana answered the door, and while there would normally be uncontrollable excitement between the two girls, Adriana didn’t even say hello to Kiele, and immediately walked into the kitchen.
Kiele and I exchanged hellos with Maureen, and the girls ignored each other.
“OK, girls, let’s sit down, and start telling us what is on your mind,” said Maureen, turning to Kiele. “Adriana values your friendship, and wants to be friends with you.”
“Why aren’t you being my friend at school?” Kiele asked Adriana.
“YOU said Haruka was your best friend,” Adriana replied.
“I did not!” Kiele snapped back in defense.
“When we were on the blacktop, I asked Haruka if I could play with her and you. And she said no,” Adriana retorted.
It was time for me to interject my motherly advice, hopefully bringing a quick resolution to the problem.
“It seems like there are girls out there who are jealous of your friendship. They are trying to stop the two of you from playing. It is OK for both of you to have friends besides each other. I’ve heard both of you call each other best friend. I think the two of you should start saying you are good friends, not best friends. The best friend thing seems to hurt other girls more, and saying good friends is a nicer way to say it.”
My speech seemed to have done the trick, as the girls walked away shoulder-to-shoulder, giggling to one another, sending the message that it’s over, and we were back to the way things had been — Maureen and I chatting while the girls play happily.
As a mother, that’s what I’m there for, to help Kiele solve her problems. I am grateful that I was there for her first big friend problem, though the reality is that I will not always be beside her. I have, though, started laying the foundation for her to learn problem-solving skills, and to have the courage to face her problems, not run away from them.
Sara Kendall is a freelance writer, and mother of two daughters.
