Dear Twins,
I think my son is a cross-dresser. As a young boy he loved watching me do my makeup (and I let him try my lipstick once or twice). And since the age of 11 (he is now 14) he has always dressed as a girl for Halloween. Finally, the other day I found a bag in the back of his closet containing women’s undergarments. I’m appalled. Is it my fault? What can I do?— Distraught
Jacqueline says: No, it’s not your “fault.” Plenty of women put on make-up with zero interest from their sons. If your son is a cross-dresser (which we are jumping to conclusions), then there is nothing you can do but let him know you love him no matter what. There is no magic pill that stops cross-dressing.
Kerry says: I disagree with Jackie about you jumping to conclusions because it appears your son IS a cross-dresser. However, I agree that you should begin now to accept and embrace him fully; he is who he is and he is not going to change.
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Dear Twins,
I came home the other day and caught my 16-year-old son having sex with his 17-year-old girlfriend. I was appalled and forbade them to have sex in my house. I can’t even stand the sight of her anymore and I want him to dump her. What should I do? — Disgusted
Jacqueline says: Mid-adolescence is often more often then not when teens explore sex. Your son is one of them and you’re not going to stop him. What you can do, however, is educate him on the importance of safe sex. Be glad you found out now before you turn into a grandmother.
Kerry says: I agree with Jackie in that you should absolutely educate your son about safe sex. That said, what century are you from? This is about the age when kids lose their virginity. Please, mother, get with the program. Besides, where should they have sex? On the roof? If you really want to estrange yourself from your son, then keep being unreasonable and hysterical, and then forbid him to see his girlfriend.
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Dear Twins,
My ex-husband and I have two young children ages 7 and 10 whom I have custody of. We share them for holidays, when we take them to see their grandparents. We try to be fair so that each set of grandparents will have the kids for Thanksgiving dinner with one of us each year. However, the children really favor one set of grandparents over the other because the other set is so strict. I know I can force them to go, but they are so miserable there … is it really fair?— Thankful
Kerry says: One meal out of the year is not going to kill them. Besides, they may appreciate the fact that they got to know both grandparents when they get older. Instead, why not have them visit their favorite grandparents more often?
Jacqueline says: I agree with Kerry. When their grandparents are long gone, they will value the time they spent with them.
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Dear Twins,
My husband and I believe our 6-year-old is being bullied either on the school bus or at school, but he won’t tell us. He cries every school morning that he doesn’t want to go on the bus and he doesn’t want to go to school, and he used to love going to school. I’ve spoken to the school bus driver, his teacher, and to some of his friends and no one seems to have seen anything, but I know something is going on. What should I do?— Afraid
Kerry says: Have a sit down conversation and very calmly get to the bottom of this. Have a talk with the school counselor as well to see if she can help. If he is being bullied I would take immediate action, such as speaking with the principal, the teacher and the bully’s parents. I don’t want to be an alarmist, but with bullying these days, it’s best to err on the pro-active side.
Jacqueline says: And if this approach doesn’t work, try a child psychologist. Your child is uncharacteristically expressing anxiety and fear. It’s good that you saw this. There is a problem, so get to the bottom of it before it gets worse.
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Dear Twins,
Another young mother in my neighborhood (who is a friend of mine) and I decided that we would alternate babysitting for each other’s child for one day a week so the other has some time to herself. This past week was my second time sitting for her 4-year-old for the day, and I was ready to hang myself by the end of the day. That child was into everything and had temper tantrums if I tried to stop him — including kicking furniture, walls, breaking dishes, and anything else he could get his hands on that was breakable. He is utterly spoiled, and I want to get out of this arrangement. What do I say to his mother?— No More Monsters!
Jacqueline says: Why not tell her the truth? Two children are a bit much for you to handle every week. And be done with it.
Kerry says: I agree with Jacqueline. Tell her it’s more than you could handle and leave it at that.
