Tis the season of holly jolly parties and extended family visits.
Calm? Not a chance! For families that have children with a disability — however mild or severe — there is more planning that goes into a fun, peaceful holiday season. Unfamiliar cousins, culturally diverse foods, and adapting to time zones can be a challenge. The following tips just might help.
Educate
You know how a change in routine or certain behaviors can act as triggers for your child. Inform relatives about your child’s disability before the trip. Consider the most important information you want to share, including possible safety concerns and how the disability may affect the trip. It can be a low-key conversation with or without the child with the disability present.
Also offer age-appropriate information to the other children, and explain what they can expect to see. Answer any questions and offer any support websites if people ask.
Be sure to clear gifts ahead of time — gifts that may be inappropriate are clear to you, but may not be to the aunt who has never met your child.
Schedule
If there are medications that need to be given on schedule, make it clear to the host ahead of time so she can be prepared. Know what routines work for your child — and stick to them as much as possible.
If your child is overactive, make sure there are places you can take her to to burn off energy. If an overtired child is prone to becoming angry and easily agitated, stick to bedtimes and routines as much as possible.
Because family at the gathering may have different bedtimes, consider keeping “quiet hours” that benefit those who are late nighters and early birds. Then, provide quiet activities, such as coloring books, crafts, or designated favorite videos only to be watched during these hours.
Plan for success
There are some activities in which a child with a disability may not be able to participate. Always have an equally enticing option available. For example, if the disability is physical and some children are going sledding, perhaps take a trip to an aquarium or a movie, and recruit some family members to come along. If lack of rules will keep your child feeling insecure, choose games with specific instructions that everybody will enjoy. Kids won’t know what they couldn’t or didn’t get to do unless you make it a point to tell them. Maybe a favorite cousin or grandpa can think of something special to do with your child, like a trip to a favorite restaurant or store. One-on-one time might be just what your child needs.
Food
If your child has a severe food allergy (such as nuts), make it clear there will be no chestnut roasting. It needs to be clear to the host prior to accepting the invitation, especially if the smell of certain foods can set off a severe reaction. It is necessary to have this conversation — prior to driving 12 hours for a visit — so that everybody can agree on the menu. Offering to bring snacks you know your child can eat is a great opportunity to be a hospitable guest — and is the safest bet for your child.
• • •
Here are a few last minute tips that may help keep the holiday merry and bright:
• Bring toys and videos you know are slam dunks. If your child gets anxious, familiar objects can bring comfort.
• Ease up on rules — if possible. It is vacation!
• Don’t be afraid to say no if things get stressful. With so many different families expecting to create the perfect Christmas, you might have to be Scrooge. As hard as that may be, stick with the big picture.
• Finally, accept the help other people may offer. One of the best gifts you can give and get is help. While it is easy to believe moms know best, you might be pleasantly surprised by your friends and family. This means you may have to give up control, hold your breath a little, and just see what happens. You just never know when a Christmas miracle may present itself.
Julia is a freelance writer living in western New York. Contact her at [email protected].
