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‘Motherhood is a B----!’: New book claims to help readers regain sanity, inner diva

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Available just in time for Mother’s Day, my new book is “Motherhood is a B#tch!” It is the modern mom’s bible for dealing with the day-to-day chaos that is child-rearing with style, savvy, and grace. It’s written for both the stressed-out, working mom and the harried, stay-at-home mom. You’ve had a kid or two … or three. Now, every time you look in the mirror you ask yourself, “Who the h--- is that tired, washed-out woman looking back at me?” What happened to the stylish, stiletto-wearing woman who prided herself on living the fabulous life? Sister, it’s time to reclaim your pre-baby body, mind, and mojo!

No more sulking, stressing, or resenting other moms who have it more together than you and wondering how they do it. “Motherhood is a B#tch!” tells you how you can do it.

“Being a b---- is not about ranting, raving, or ripping someone’s head off for the fun of it. It’s about confidence and control and knowing when and where to dig your four-inch heels into the ground. It’s about standing up for yourself and giving voice to your needs and feelings. It’s about not being selfless or selfish, but striking the right balance between the two.”

I want to empower women to regain their once fierce and fabuLyss selves. Follow these rules, and in the end, you’ll be happier, healthier, and hotter than ever. Every mom deserves that — and more.

Do you have b---- potential? Try this little quiz:

1. A mom grabs you in the schoolyard and asks if you “wouldn’t mind” watching her kid … for the next three hours. Her nanny phoned in sick, and she has a shrink appointment and some errands to run. The correct response is:

a) Of course I’ll watch him! We unbalanced people have to stick together!

b) Sure, I don’t mind at all. Would Billy like to stay for dinner?

c) I’m sorry. All playdates need to be arranged at least 24 hours in advance. Clearly you mistake me for someone without a life.

2. Your husband gets the AmEx bill and flips out over how much you spent this month. You reply:

a) Perhaps Babies ’R’ Us will give me diapers, wipes, and formula for free if I ask “pretty please.”

b) You’re right, honey. I’ll start coupon clipping tomorrow.

c) No prob … I’ll just return that sexy new lingerie I was planning to wear for you this weekend.

3. Your mother-in-law remarks that you look like you’ve gained some weight. You answer:

a ) Gee, Mom, I guess giving birth to twins will do that to ya.

b) You’re right. I should hit the gym more often.

c) Have you looked in a mirror lately?

If you answered:

Mostly As: You’re a woman who keeps her b----iness bottled up. You have potential, but you need to let it fly! You tend to hide behind snarky remarks rather than saying what you want or feel. Your anger is bubbling under the surface, and that’s just not healthy. One day you’re going to explode. Say what you mean, and mean what you say!

Mostly Bs: You must like shoes, because clearly you are a doormat. How much abuse can one woman take? Are you trying to be 50 shades of pathetic? Honey, stop suffering and start standing up for yourself!

Mostly Cs: Now you’re talkin’, girlfriend. You’ve got a mighty mouth and lots of natural b----iness in you. Brava! Now you just need to hone those skills, so people aren’t offended, but become putty in your hands.

To purchase the book, visit www.amazon.com/Motherhood-tch-Regaining-Sanity-Sexiness/dp/1510718974

Lyss Stern is the founder of DivaLysscious Moms (www.divamoms.com).

The B----itini recipe

One day I was in the kitchen with my girlfriend, cutting up watermelon (and picking out the seeds) for our kids’ snack and chugging down glasses of watermelon juice. “Ya know,” I commented, “this would taste even better with a shot of vodka or a splash of rosé.”

We got out the ingredients and the B----itini was born! It’s now become the cocktail of choice when I have friends over, or when I have had a tough day and need to unwind.

INGREDIENTS

3 ounces rosé wine

1 ounce watermelon vodka, such as Smirnoff Watermelon

1 ounce fresh watermelon juice

DIRECTIONS:

Shake watermelon vodka, watermelon juice, and rosé wine in a cocktail shaker with ice.

Pour into a chilled cocktail glass.

Garnish with a watermelon chunk.

Take a sip and enjoy the deLysscious cocktail.

Posted 12:00 am, April 19, 2017
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