When a child questions his gender

Dear Sharon,

Our 5-year-old son wants to dress like a girl. He says he’s not really a boy and that he is a girl. What should we do?

Dear Parents,

Every 5 year old is unique. When parents ask me questions such as this I usually talk for quite a while before agreeing on useful perspectives.

Here are some general ideas that might be helpful as you think this through.

Five year olds experiment with all kinds of ideas that grow and change with time, including sorting through the differences between girls and boys, in many ways.

When children try things out it is best for parents to keep their own emotions separate from their interactions with their child and keep in mind all that they know about their child’s personality when deciding how to respond to their little one’s ideas.

With potentially emotional topics such as gender it can be particularly hard to sort out a calm, thoughtful response, but if you remember you know your child, trust your thinking and watch how things go. Over time (sometimes months, sometimes years), it is possible to sort through appropriate reactions.

In time, if you have questions or concerns, turning to a trusted professional for support is always an option.