Missing kids awareness

As May is Missing Kids Awareness Month, this is the prime time to renew your commitment as a family to safety.

This past year the number of kids reported missing in New York State increased slightly, from 21,390 to 21,656. It is a very real issue in our community, and many families are surprised to learn that all missing kids cannot be lumped into one category.

“There are family abductions, non-family abductions which include stranger abductions, runaways, throwaways and the issue of lost or missing children for short periods of time,” said Pam Weaver, director of community education with the National Center for Missing and Exploited Children, New York Regional Office.

The predators are not always who you may think.

“It is important for people to understand that children are more at risk of being abducted by a family member or someone they know instead of a stranger,” said Weaver.

There are about four times as many family abductions as non-family abductions.

“A child is usually taken because of custody issues or issues with divorce or hurt feelings between people, but it is not always in the best interest of the child,” said Weaver. A parent may be able to rationalize his choice to take the child away, but that does not mean that there are no consequences. “Even if a child is taken by a family member they still could be unfortunately a victim of physical, emotional or sexual abuse in the hands of the parent who takes them,” said Weaver.

There is no stereotypical child that predators approach.

“Research is telling us that children that are by themselves walking or playing outside are more at risk because it is a crime of opportunity,” said Weaver.

One of the most valuable safety rules you can instill in your child is to always take a friend with you because there is safety in numbers.

“There are more attempts of abductions when children are going to and from school or school activities,” said Weaver.

Kids who are unaccompanied are logical targets because they are more vulnerable and look like easy prey.

“Usually it is children between the ages of 10 and 14 that are more likely to be abducted in those situations because the reality is that younger children usually are supervised,” said Weaver.

Teaching the concept of stranger danger in the schools has become a thing of the past since kids are at greater risk of being abducted or sexually abused by someone they know.

“Ninety percent of sexual abuse occurs by someone the child knows,” said Weaver. There are a few basic ground rules you can set with your child. “The first rule is to check first, which means that children should always check with a grown-up that is in charge of them before they go anywhere,” said Weaver. This applies to anyone who stops them or tries to get them to go in the car. “The second rule is to take a friend if they are riding a bike or playing and if they are real young, it should be a grown-up friend like mom, dad or a teacher,” said Weaver.

One of the hardest things for kids to do can be to say no but they must figure out how.

“If anyone is making them scared, uncomfortable or trying to take their hand to take them somewhere and they know that is not the person they should be with, they should yell no,” said Weaver.

The final rule is for kids to always tell a grown-up what has happened if they ever feel uncomfortable so the grown-up knows about the potential danger.

You can talk about the fact that some kids wind up missing in our community at an age-appropriate level with your child, but it can be more constructive to empower them with safety skills rather than fear tactics.

“Instead of saying, ‘Look at all these bad people in the world,’ instead, say that ‘mom and dad love you and want to make sure you are safe just like you wear a seat belt when you are in the car or bike helmet when you are riding your bike,’ ” said Weaver.

It can complicate things that kids are trusting.

“They might think it is okay to get in the car with a teacher or coach because they know them, but the reality is that they should not get in the car with someone even if they know them unless the adult in charge of them says it is okay,” said Weaver.

Runaways are a huge issue in our state.

“Sometimes kids run away because home does not feel like a safe place or they are being victimized, parents have drug or alcohol issues, an adult coming into the household that might be touching them inappropriately or just because they do not like the rules,” said Weaver.

It is a good idea for kids to reach out to an adult that can help them.

“Often times once they are out in the community the people that befriend them may take advantage of them or get them involved in prostitution, pornography or selling drugs,” said Weaver.

Online relationships are another reason that kids may run away and that is particularly concerning because the person on the other end of the computer could be an online predator. Speak up. Parents need to monitor what their kids are doing online and see if they are talking to strangers or making poor choices.

“If you are having issues with your child, quarrels or your child does not want to obey the rules, you may want to reach out and get some help from school,” said Weaver. “It is really about parent communication and talking to kids about safety in the real world and online world as well.”

If your child were to go missing, the first thing you should do is call 911.

“There is no waiting period if a child is missing,” said Weaver. It is also wise to call the National Center at 1-800-THE-LOST as they can help with the investigation as well. “It is important that parents always have a current, updated, close-up picture of their child’s face,” said Weaver.