The following tips are provided by Mike Domitrz, founder of The Date Safe Project (www.DateSafeProject.org), which provides educational programs and materials about verbal consent, respecting boundaries, healthy intimacy, and support for survivors of violence.
• Recognize the abuse: You deserve equal choice and freedom in all aspects of a relationship. Disrespect or violence of any kind (emotional, verbal, or physical) is NEVER alright.
• Document: Document the abuse in order to see the red flags and take steps to leave the relationship. Seek medical attention. Not all injuries are visible and it is another way to document the abuse.
• Change all access: Change your phone password and all online passwords prior to telling the abuser you are ending the relationship.
• Safety first: If your safety is at all a concern in meeting with the abuser, you do not “owe it” to the abuser to meet in-person to end the relationship.
• Be clear: When ending any relationship, use clear wording. For example, “This relationship is not one I want to be in today or at any time in the future. We are no longer dating.”
• Hand over and report technology: Give your phone to a trusted adult who will report any abusive messages sent to you from the abuser.
• Free yourself of stress: Stay away from online communities where the abuser may try to influence you (e.g. Facebook, Twitter, etc.).
• Your options: Be willing to call the police and/or turn to additional resources such as:
– NYC Domestic Violence Hotline: 1 (800) 621–HOPE [4673]
– The National Dating Abuse Helpline: 1 (866) 331–9474
– www.breakthecycle.org (online dating abuse prevention program)
– www.loveisrespect.org (information about healthy relationships)
