Are you the parent of a baby, like I am? Do you realize how silly it sounds when we constantly refer to our babies’ ages in months? Instead of saying, “She’s 2,” we insist on declaring “She’ll be 26 months in two weeks.” There’s a reason we do this, of course, and that reason is denial. When you consider a baby in terms of years, you realize there are very few numbers before you’re into little kid territory. Months, though, seem to stretch out to the horizon, and allow you to get lost in the developmental minutiae of babydom — at so many months they’ll be crawling, walking, eating napkins, etc. We’d all rather focus on the next few months, and ignore the prospect of the next few years.
My little baby girl just turned 12 months. Happy birthday, Hazel! At just more than a year — there, I said it — she’s a giggling, crawling, climbing ball of delight. There’s no doubt she’s still a baby, but now that she’s starting to mimic words and taking a faltering step here and there, she’s beginning the transition to toddlerhood. Part of me is sad about that, but since I’m entitled to a bit of denial myself, to mark her first birthday I’d like to stop worrying about what’s to come and just marvel at getting this far.
It’s been an eventful year, and while I now feel like a veteran at this child-rearing stuff, a few short months ago, well, I was just a babe in the woods. Humankind has raised billions of babies, but when it’s your turn, you’re as confused and terrified as anyone has ever been. It’s not like there’s a lack of accumulated knowledge to guide you. Here in the internet age you can find help on any topic instantly. The challenge now isn’t that we don’t know anything. We know too much. There are so many different theories about babies that’s it’s hard to be sure, for example, which method of sleep training will result in your kid getting into Harvard, and which will turn him into a no-account freeloader who spends all his time in pool halls. Or whatever it is “bad apples” do these days.
Fortunately, we’re not alone in this adventure. Our friends with babies are a great source of support. Strangely, though, they don’t provide much clarity in terms of the best approach, either. Everyone we know has entirely different ideas about parenting.
When a couple of our friends were recently expecting their first child, they explained that they wanted everything new for their baby. No hand-me-down clothes, no used baby furniture. I was perplexed; the coming decades will bring endless opportunities to spend money on your child, and in most cases, the mere suggestion of substituting something used will be met with tantrums, scorn, or the phrase “Ew, Dad, that’s disgusting.” These early years are your chance to save money by happily accepting stuff that other people’s children no longer need. Sure, some things you’ll want new — for instance, it’s practically forbidden to buy a used car seat. (Due to ever-changing safety regulations, a car seat not manufactured according to the latest guidelines is a death trap, and any child who previously rode around in it is fortunate not to have spontaneously combusted on any given trip to Nana’s house.) Such exceptions aside, what’s wrong with some pre-owned baby wares? Trust me, through “food-redistribution,” spit-up, and a few other tricks that I won’t go into, your little munchkin will ensure that any item looks used within a week anyway. And she’ll outgrow it the week after that.
On the other end of the spectrum, we have friends who wish to supply their baby boy only with used goods — they have largely forbidden any gifts that are new. In spirit, I’m with them on this. Why obligate everyone you know to spend money on stuff for your baby that will only be used for a month? That kind of strict idealism, though, would never last in our household. Due to a recent deluge of Hello Kitty merchandise in the children’s retail market, hardly a week goes by in which my wife doesn’t bring home a Princess Kitty sweater or Chococat pajamas. (Usually for the baby, but not always.)
Another new mom friend of ours mentioned that the TV mostly stays off in their house because the American Pediatric Society says television can have negative effects on a baby’s development. I get that. Some things we enjoy as adults aren’t all that good for us, so it’s better to delay exposing our babies to them for as long as possible — sugary foods, caffeine, Fox News. I do my best to keep the TV off on my days with Hazel. Nonetheless, after six or seven hours alone with a rampaging infant, switching on “Ice Road Truckers” while baby plays with soup cans for a half-hour can go a long way towards keeping daddy from losing his mind. I’m sure the American Pediatric Society would understand.
Much of parenting is figuring out how to retain your sanity. It’s important to do your homework, but don’t drive yourself crazy — just as essential as learning the rules is learning to trust your own instincts. Fortunately, there’s room for mistakes with little babies (there’s a reason they have soft bones and little capacity for memory), so instead of stressing yourself out, remember to have fun. That’s one of the best ways to create a nurturing environment for your little one.
Anyway, that’s enough of this overblown theoretical stuff. Time to get back down onto the floor with the soup cans so I can show Hazel how it’s done, before she outgrows them. I mean, she’s already approaching 13 months. Or should I say, 1,083 years?
Tim Perrins is a part-time stay-at-home dad who lives with his wife and their 1.083-year-old baby in Park Slope, Brooklyn. More of his thoughts about babies and other things that confuse him can be found at www.RevoltOfTheImbeciles.blogspot.com.
