A happy farewell

My brother left for college a year before I did. I cried on and off during the ride home. This is not a good sign. It’s also not a good sign that I welled up with tears at my son’s last concert during the wind ensemble’s performance of Frank Sinatra’s “My Way.” My son leaves for the big city in late August. He is leaving cow country and Mom’s lasagna for a high-rise and a hot dog cart. I have a whole range of emotions — everything from excitement and pride to fear and melancholy.

The next school year will surely bring enormous change for everyone involved — for my daughter who will be the lone child, for my husband and I who will have fewer school events to go to, and for our dog, my son’s best friend, whom I envision sleeping by the door until my son comes home for Thanksgiving. I’ve been worried about this impending day for months now, but I’m determined to handle it well — with a detailed list and an upbeat attitude.

Be prepared

“As the summer gets into full swing, parents may notice differences in their son or daughter, themselves, and other family members as everyone prepares for the student’s first time at college,” explains Suzanne Howell, director of residential life and housing at Binghamton University.

It’s normal for teens to want to spend time with friends before they go away, so put some dates on the calendar to make sure you get to spend time with them, too.

“To avoid hurt feelings, parents can set aside ‘family time’ — a vacation or weekly family dinner.”

Parents should be involved in the physical preparation for college as well. Amy Przeworski, PhD, an assistant professor of psychology at Case Western Reserve University in Ohio, suggests that parents help their teens purchase necessities for college. She also recommends buying a special present that will remind a teen of home.

“This could be a picture frame with a family photo or a special print for their dorm wall,” she says.

Keep it positive

Your teen surely has conflicting emotions as well, so you should encourage an optimistic outlook.

“It’s not the end of the world if parents get a little teary when they drop their child off at college,” advises Lisa Greenberg, PhD, a licensed psychologist and parenting expert in Madison, NJ. “On the other hand, if a parent is concerned about falling apart, it might be helpful to warn the student in advance.”

Greenberg stresses that students shouldn’t feel responsible for cheering their parents up, so parents should keep the focus on their teen’s positive energy. Przeworski agrees.

“A teen leaving for college should be a joyful event,” explains Przeworski. She says that it’s typical for parents to feel sad, but they should try to emphasize the excitement surrounding going to college, instead of negative emotions.

Parents should also validate their teen’s feelings.

“Most teens have mixed feelings about going to school. If a teen is worried, telling them not to worry does not help,” reports Przeworski. Instead, parents should tell their teen it’s normal to have mixed emotions.

Communication changes

Parents will not have the same level of communication with the school or their teen.

“This is a point where parents need to take a step back from the center of their child’s life,” explains Greenberg.

“At the university level, communication goes directly to the student. Parents can set clear expectations with their teen about communication they expect to be notified of promptly (i.e. tuition, deadlines, grades, etc.) and communication their teen can choose not to share,” suggests Howell.

Holding a young adult to a higher level of responsibility will help him have a more successful college experience.

Tips and tales

“Give a quick hug and kiss and then walk away. If you want to listen to music on the way home, make sure they are happy tunes.”

— Beth Ackerman, Staatsburg, NY

“I thought leaving my first born at FIT in Manhattan would be a very sad day, but I brought a book to read on the way home. This kept me from dwelling on the fact that we just left her.”

— Terri Brown, Mayfield, NY

Share your ideas

Upcoming topic: Suggest holiday chores your teen enjoys that help ease your stress during the holiday rush.

Please send your full name, address, and brief comments to [email protected], or visit www.myrnahaskell.com.

Myrna Beth Haskell is a feature writer, columnist and author of the newly released book, “Lions and Tigers and Teens: Expert advice and support for the conscientious parent just like you” (Unlimited Publishing LLC). See www.unlimitedpublishing.com/haskell for details.

Relevant Directory Listings

See More

Advantage Day Camps

<p><span style="font-size: 12pt; font-family: Arial; font-weight: normal; font-style: normal; color: #000000;" data-sheets-value="{" data-sheets-userformat="{">The activity never stops at Advantage Day Camps (ADC)! Campers ages 4 to 14 will enjoy a wide variety of sports, art, enrichment and experiences. And parents can relax, thanks to our complimentary early dropoff and late pickup.</span></p>

Park Shore Country Day Camp

<p>Get ready for an exciting summer adventure at Park Shore Country Day Camp as the countdown to 2024 begins! Located on a sprawling 15-acre campus in Dix Hills, Park Shore has been offering an epic summer experience for children aged 2-15 since 1959. With a rich history of creating lasting memories, Park Shore is set to make the upcoming summer truly special.</p> <p>At Park Shore, every day is a journey filled with excitement and fun activities. From swim lessons to high ropes, bungee trampoline, and a variety of athletics, children are in for a treat. The camp's dedicated and experienced counselors prioritize safety while ensuring that each child has an enjoyable experience.</p> <p>What sets Park Shore apart are its special events and unique programs that promise to make this summer unforgettable. Park Shore Travel and Extreme STEAM Science Kids are just a glimpse of the diverse and engaging activities awaiting campers. These programs go beyond traditional camp experiences, providing opportunities for exploration and learning in a fun environment.</p> <p>Exciting additions await campers in 2024, including the introduction of a brand-new Gaga Stadium with viewing decks, new Sky Trail elements, a new Spray Park, new Special Events, new Travel Trips, and a new Preschool Water Play Area. These new features are designed to enhance the overall camp experience, offering fresh and thrilling options for campers to enjoy.</p> <p>Park Shore ensures convenience for parents with transportation options, nutritious meals, and a straightforward enrollment process. As you plan for summer, consider making it extraordinary for your child by enrolling them at Park Shore Country Day Camp. Join in the tradition of creating cherished memories and providing your child with a summer they'll talk about for years to come.</p>

Buckley Day Camp

<p><span style="caret-color: #202020; color: #202020; font-family: 'Lucida Sans Unicode', sans-serif; font-size: 14px; background-color: #ffffff;">At Buckley Day Camp your children will experience a program designed to meet their individual needs.  Nursery through kindergarten have a traditional day camp program, while 1st – 7th graders have an elective based program.8th & 9th graders participate in a camp/travel program and 10th graders can join their CIT program. Swim instruction daily in 4 outdoor heated pools. Door to door transportation provided on air conditioned mini buses. Lunch & snacks provided daily.</span></p>