Boys vs. girls: Should parents apply same rules to both genders?

My daughter was a quintessential tomboy. Years ago, you would likely find her running through mud puddles with the boys in our neighborhood, rather than dressing up for a pretend tea party with her female counterparts. Today, she continues to enjoy days packed with activities as opposed to endless banter over the latest teen gossip.

When it comes to friendship issues, though, the female teen scene seems packed with melodrama. Evidently, there is something earth-shattering going on every day. On the other hand, my son and his friends have coasted through high school without the constant social drama.

Most can probably agree that we all possess both masculine and feminine characteristics. However, if there are distinct social or behavioral differences, should parents then raise the genders differently?

Behaviors and the social scene

“In recent years, there has been a great deal of empirical research that suggests there are real differences. Neuroimaging studies have been finding some interesting differences between teen boys and girls,” reports Michael A. Assel, PhD, an associate professor of pediatrics at the University of Texas Health Science Center.

Researchers have found that there are gender differences in the brain, such as girls having more serotonin and stronger neural connectors and boys having less oxytocin. In part, neurological differences account for characteristics such as boys being more impulsive and girls being more communicative.

“From a sociocultural perspective, girls tend to be seen as valuing communication more than males. I have clinically noticed that girls tend to be much better at holding grudges. Male teenagers often seem to want to escape an unpleasant situation,” says Assel. Of course, there are many exceptions.

“Old schoolers argue that girls are more social and boys are more physical,” says Susan Kuczmarski, EdD, author of “The Sacred Flight of the Teenager: A Parent’s Guide to Stepping Back and Letting Go.” She feels it is important to emphasize the similarities, and believes we shouldn’t focus on the stereotypes — sometimes boys are more social, and girls are more physical.

“It is unfair to paint girl or boy teenagers with such a broad brush stroke,” explains Assel. He also believes there are many exceptions.

Safety and sensibility

Parents are often cognizant of differences as they ponder safety issues.

Parents of boys tend to worry more about driving safety. It’s hard not to when one considers the statistics: According to a 2009 report published by the National Highway Traffic Safety Administration, the number of male drivers between the ages of 15 and 20 involved in fatal traffic accidents was more than twice that of female drivers in the same age group.

Parents of girls, on the other hand, worry more about personal safety issues, such as sexual predators on college campuses, stalking, and date rape.

Does this mean that parents should allow their daughters to have driver’s licenses at a younger age or their sons to go out on dates earlier than their daughters?

“All teens experience risk and parents should be observant,” Assel cautions.

Gender rules

“Having different rules for different sexes seems unequal to me — with one exception,” explains Kuczmarski. “Girls should be taught self-defense skills to protect themselves, as often their bodies are smaller.” She says parents should initiate frequent discussions to help teens, male and female, make safe choices.

Kuczmarski stresses that parents should give their teens equal responsibilities around the house.

“Chores should transcend traditional gender boundaries. Young men need to cook, iron and do laundry. Young women need to handle tools, change car oil, and maintain yards.”

Assel agrees.

“Having certain rules for one sex versus another is probably not the best idea,” says Assel. “The privileges a child earns should be based on how they have handled responsibilities in the past.”

Tips and tales

“I had the same expectations with my daughter and sons. I found that differences in their personalities affected how they responded to expectations, but I do not believe that these are gender differences.”

— Nancy Serdich Hulton, Staatsburg, NY

“For girls, it’s drama and melodrama. For boys, it’s adventure and comedy.”

— Arelene Boulware, Hyde Park, NY

Want to share your ideas?

Upcoming topic: Tips for Sweet 16 parties that don’t break the budget!

Please send your full name, address, and brief comments to [email protected], or visit www.myrnahaskell.com.

Myrna Beth Haskell is a feature writer and columnist specializing in parenting issues and child and adolescent development. She is the mother of two teenagers.

Relevant Directory Listings

See More

Bonjour Language Camps!

<p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 0pt;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; font-family: Arial; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: bold; font-style: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-position: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Bonjour Language Camps in French, Mandarin & Spanish</span></p> <p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 0pt;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; font-family: Arial; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-position: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> </span></p> <p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 0pt;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; font-family: Arial; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-position: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Our focus is on immersive experiences – building confidence, friendship, and foreign language skills through engaging themes and activities. Each week your child will learn new words and phrases, and gain fluency in the language you choose. </span></p> <p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 0pt;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; font-family: Arial; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-position: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> </span></p> <p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 0pt;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; font-family: Arial; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-position: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Campers have 2–3 *additional* practice sessions per day in small groups to increase spoken fluency. Campers also delve into fun new themes, as well as makeovers of some tried-and-true favorites!</span></p> <p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 0pt;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; font-family: Arial; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-position: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> </span></p> <p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-top: 0pt; margin-bottom: 0pt;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; font-family: Arial; color: #000000; background-color: transparent; font-weight: 400; font-style: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-position: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">All campers ages 3.5–11 are immersed in French, Mandarin, or Spanish, content-rich experiences, lots of outdoor time, and trips all over the city. We also offer add-on 1:1 language instruction and STEM lessons to combat summer slide. All language levels are welcome – our campers range from bilingual to beginner!</span></p> <p><span id="docs-internal-guid-12c5fef9-7fff-3b7c-4c11-bf7aa0550b78"></span></p>

Extreme STEAM Science Kids at Park Shore

<p>If your child has a passion for science and technology, our unique educational summer program is tailor-made for them! Immerse your young scientist in a world of robotics, mechanical and electrical engineering, coding, science, art, and mathematics, all while ensuring a fun and engaging learning experience. Housed in our state-of-the-art three-story STEAM Science Center and Hydroponics Grow Lab on our expansive 15-acre campus, the program goes beyond the ordinary.</p> <p>Our thematic 2-week sessions, designed for grades 1-5, are carefully crafted to stimulate curiosity in science and foster the development of essential 21st Century Skills. From hands-on experiments to exciting projects, your child will explore the wonders of STEAM subjects in a dynamic and supportive environment.</p> <p>The learning experience extends beyond the classroom with scientific field trips that enhance the understanding of real-world applications. These excursions provide a valuable opportunity for students to witness the practical implications of the concepts they learn in the program.</p> <p>The morning program is just the beginning; we offer the flexibility to extend the day, allowing your child to delve into all the amazing activities Park Shore has to offer. From engaging in outdoor adventures to participating in creative arts and athletic activities, the options are vast, ensuring a well-rounded and enriching summer experience.</p> <p>Enrolling now for the Summer of 2024 comes with the added benefit of Early Rates, making this educational journey not only enriching but also affordable. Don't miss out on the opportunity to spark your child's love for learning and exploration. Join us for a summer filled with discovery, creativity, and endless possibilities!</p>

Rosetta Institute of Biomedical Research

<h1><strong>Summer Science Camps for Tomorrow’s Medical Professionals</strong></h1> <p>We offer a variety of workshops on molecular medicine for high-achieving high school<br />and middle school students interested in pursuing careers in medicine or related<br />fields, such as biomedical research, drug development, pharmacy, bioengineering, or nursing.  Workshops are taught by PhD-level instructors with years of research and teaching experience. Camps are offered in summer and winter and there are online and in-person options available.  </p> <p>Through engaging lectures and hands-on laboratory classes, students learn normal molecular and cellular biology, and then learn how these normal processes are disrupted or distorted during the development of disease. There is a heavy emphasis on experimental design, modern drug development, and the emergence of the era of personalized medicine. To conclude the workshop, students use what they have learned to create an original research project. More broadly, workshop attendees strengthen their academic skills, build their college portfolio, and explore potential career options while making friends from around the world and experiencing college dorm life in a safe environment.</p> <p>Our university-based workshops are held at Columbia University, Imperial College London, UC Berkeley, and UC San Diego, and both residential and commuter options are available.   University-based workshops include Molecular Neuroscience, Molecular Biology of Cancer, Astrobiology, AI-Enhanced Bioinformatics, Molecular Biology of Aging, Neurological Bioinformatics, Molecular Immunology, Bioinformatics of Aging, and Bioinformatics of Cancer.  Biomedical Research – a workshop focused on learning modern molecular biology laboratory techniques - is taught at our lab in the Bay Area, CA.</p> <p>Our online workshops include Introduction to Cellular and Molecular Medicine, Medicinal Chemistry and Medical Bioinformatics.  Intro to Cellular and Molecular Medicine is our entry-level workshop that is only two hours/day.  Students in the Medicinal Chemistry and Medical Bioinformatics workshops learn how to use online tools to analyze biochemical data.</p>