What time is it?” Barbara Gibson-La Grant pointedly asked her students.
“It’s manners time!” answered the cheerful group that has been faithfully attending Gibson-La Grant’s workshops on social graces.
Ms. G, as she is affectionately called in her Northwest Bronx community, is known for her conviction that good manners are forever — a very serious topic that should be taught to children on a regular basis. Her passion has long fueled a tireless advocacy for the cause of polite and respectful kids.
“Our children are not using manners and etiquette as often as they should,” said Gibson-La Grant, a retired community coordinator for NYCHA whose free manners and etiquette courses are designed to enrich the lives of less privileged kids, particularly ages six to 16.
Gibson-La Grant said the practice of manners and etiquette was instilled in her by a mother who wanted “well-raised New Yorkers.” Later in life she honed that knowledge by refining her education and pursuing independent research to develop tools and curricula that she has taken to community centers and after-school programs in the Bronx, Harlem and other parts of New York City.
“I tell my students that kings and queens train their children, Puff Daddy and Donald Trump train [their] kids, and I train [them] because [they] are little kings and queens,“ said Gibson-La Grant, who believes that this type of grooming is critical to social upward mobility. The Williamsbridge branch of the NAACP recently honored her for her decades of community involvement and her extensive work in support of Bronx children.
Explaining that manners — saying “please” and “thank you” — are considered social skills, while rules of etiquette — knowing how to use your napkin at the table — are life skills, Gibson-La Grant feels that what modern children need the most is to understand basic instructions. That is, of course, beside avoiding all-time no-no’s such as cursing, chewing with their mouths open or not offering their seat to an elderly person on the train.
“I teach my students that we must respect words,” she said. “When someone tells you to stop, you must stop, because it can save your life.”
Children must be taught to listen, she emphasized, so they can promptly correct their behavior. The community teacher has developed several props, including two pillows in the shape of an M, for “manners,” and an E, for “etiquette,” a board game and a rap song called “Come on crew we have a job to do,” to get her point across.
On the other end of the spectrum, another powerful word often forgotten by today’s youth is “yes.”
“Many say ‘yeah’,” pointed out Gibson-La Grant, who has plenty of field experience not only as a teacher, but also as the mother of five and the grandmother of seven.
“I [emphasize] not to use their head or their shoulders, but to use the word ‘yes.” Should the habit persist, it may make a difference on a job interview down the line, she warned.
Students practice manners or etiquette rules during sessions where they are either educated about a chosen topic, or polish their behavior using mishaps that come up during class interaction. After all, “[people] make mistakes as [they] are together,” said Gibson-La Grant, and her students seem to take well to that.
“I think that children need more manners,“ 9-year-old Jada Brown said candidly. The girl, who attends PS 41, is a regular at Gibson-La Grant’s classes. “Some walk down the block saying words that aren’t in the vocabulary, like ‘ain’t,’ or ‘yeah.’ They [sound] like they have no home training!”
“A lot of my friends curse, scream at each other, and it is not appropriate for anybody,” said Amber Dropp, a middle school student who travels to Gibson-La Grant’s classes from Co-op City. She likes to learn about manners and etiquette because, she says, it will help her “go places in life.”
Media, such as rap music, doesn’t help matters.
“People like to hear nasty sayings and words,” said Gibson-La Grant. She wants to tap into children’s love of media by releasing an educational video on manners and etiquette, in collaboration with her students and MS 142, the Philip Sousa middle school, where she frequently offers her programs.
Aside from her classes, keeping up the lessons learned is key. Gibson-La Grant, who also trains adults for free, said parents must reinforce their children’s good manners at home.
“Those who know the rules of [proper conduct] should reinforce them with their children, and for those who don’t, find out the answers, so when your children go out they will represent you well,” she said.
Barbara Gibson-La Grant workshops: (718) 881-3809.
“Manners on Etiquette” community workshop [Gun Hill Playground, Magenta Street and Holland Avenue, at the end of July. Call for exact date, not available at press time (646) 765-8816].
