New York Parenting Media took home nine awards from the recent Parenting Media Association Editorial and Design Awards Dinner, in San Antonio, Texas.

Susan Weiss, publisher and executive editor and Sharon Noble, sales manager, were thrilled to be present at the dinner to accept six finalists awards and three gold winners in a variety of categories for Brooklyn Family, Queens Family, Bronx-Riverdale Family, Staten Island Family, New York Special Child, and Long Island Special Child.

The awards recognize excellence in journalism, photography and design, and are judged by a panel from the University of Missouri School of Journalism. Prof. Daryl Moen coordinated the annual contest. A panel of 22 judges reviewed entries from many publications to choose the winners in each category. All judges drew upon significant professional experience in selecting the winners.

“The quality of the entries continues to rise,” noted Moen. “Some of the design categories, including feature and publication design, are magnificent. In writing, there are dozens of writing entries, particularly in the column categories, that are outstanding, and the competition is stiff.”

That said, our gold-award-winners deserve special mention and congratulations:

• Personal Essay: For Laura Varoscak and Wanda Troy-Regier’s moving account and memories of teaching in Downtown Brooklyn and Lower Manhattan “Ten Years Later — Teachers Talk 9-11.”

The judges comments: “When you think you’ve read everything imaginable about 9-11, these New York magazines produce two heartfelt essays by teachers who experience that dramatic and sad day in New York City with their classes. The stories are acarefully constructed around the significant moments and lessons of the day. And rather than being sad testaments, they offer hope that any situation can be overcome.”

• Family Fun: For Monica Brown’s “Around Town” columns in Staten Island Family.

The judge’s comments: “Packed with useful, actionable information, these columns inspire us to move and get out and play! Nicely written, and full of reflective detail. These columns go deep into the subject matter, offering not only destinations for families but a lot of history about the places as well.”

• Overall Writing: Our Brooklyn Family magazine took home the association’s most prestigious writing award.

The judge’s comments: “A bright, well-written magazine. The highlight is the collection of columns that bring a variety of voices to each issue. Some are by writers with expertise in the field. Others are personal essays. They are all well written. There are well written features too.”

Publisher and Executive Editor Susan Weiss was thrilled as she accepted the award, and thanked her entire team, including Managing Editor Vince DiMicili, Art Director Leah Mitch, Production Manager On Man Tse, Layout Manager Yvonne Farley, Calendar Editor Joanna DelBuono, and Assistant Editor Courtney Donohue.

“Proudly, we accepted these fine awards on behalf of our excellent staff of freelance writers, staff writers, and copy editor Lisa J. Curtis,” she said.

When asked about the nine awards for this year, Weiss hastened to add that in addition to Varoscak and Brown, the magazines contributors include a roster of talented writers including Risa Doherty, Allison Plitt, Candi Sparks and Mary Carroll Wininger.

“Our superb contributors and regular columnists and essayists make my work so satisfying,” Weiss continued “We are so fortunate as to have partnered with many talented and dedicated parents and professionals who have brought their expertise and interest in the parenting world to us. These magazines are put together with love and devotion by everyone on the team. We love what we do and we love being parents. It’s what drives us and makes this so very meaningful.”

In addition to the editorial awards, the cover or our November 2011 issue, which featured a baby outfitted in a turkey costume, was singled out for a design award.

“I was particularly fond of that “turkey” ”, said Weiss, who picks out the image for every cover and works with Mitch to make sure that every cover is special.

Additionally, the cover for New York Special Child Fall-Winter Issue was also a finalist-winner.

“Over the years that we have been a member of Parenting Media Association, I have seen such a fine array of work and talent presented at these awards dinners. To have our magazines be included — and be winners — is a dream come true,” said Weiss. “We work hard and strive for excellence and it’s thrilling to know that we have succeeded. We will continue to reach high in the years ahead.”

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Open house weekend at the Bartow Pell Mansion Museum kicks off Friday night, May 4, when folk singer Mary Courtney performs a selection of Irish and American folk songs on the guitar and bodhran (a hand-held Irish drum) from 5:30-8:30 pm. Tickets, which include a trolly ride from Pelham Bay Park station or City Island, are $8 for adults and $5 for students and seniors.

Festivities continue through Mother’s Day weekend with an open house on Saturday and Sunday from noon-4 pm; guided hikes through the grounds; a wildlife showcase focusing on birds of prey; playtime with 19th-century toys and games; traditional jigs performed by Jeff and Jan Ausfahi; and a garden tool exhibit. Check our listings for exact times of each event.

Open house weekend at Bartow-Pell Mansion Museum [895 Shore Rd. in Pelham Bay (718) 885-1461]. General admission to the grounds is $5 for adults, and $3 for seniors and students. Children under 6 are free; www.bartowpellmansionmuseum.org.

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Even sheep put away their winter coats.

The Queens Zoo is springing into spring with its annual Sheep Shearing Weekend on May 5 and 6 from 11 am to 4 pm — and you’re invited!.

Families can watch an expert shearer help the fluffy sheep out of their winter coats, watch wool spinning and dyeing demonstrations, and participate in arts and crafts activities.

Sheep Shearing Weekend at Queens Zoo, [53-51 111th St. at 53rd Street in Corona,(718) 271-1500]. May 5 and 6, from 11 am to 4 pm. Free with admission to zoo. For more, visit www.queenszoo.com.

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How does a mellow-yellow-fellow from the sun, named Gustafer Yellowgold, celebrate Earth’s holidays? Find out at the far-out, multimedia release party for the “Gustafer Yellowgold’s Year in the Day” DVD and CD set, on April 1 at 11 am at the 92YTribeca. New songs from the DVD will be performed live by Yellowgold creator Morgan Taylor and his band.

In this fifth DVD set featuring Yellowgold, the little, conehead sun-man is enjoying his new life in the Minnesota woodlands, and he’s celebrating a year’s worth of the Earth’s holidays in his own, unique way. Among the 11 music videos are “New is the New Old” and “A Shadow,” in honor of (need we say it?) Groundhog Day. In addition to the widely known holidays, such as Halloween, Yellowgold celebrates “unsung-about holidays,” including Fat Tuesday and Pancake Day in “Pancake Smackdown.”

“Year in the Day,” featuring Gustafer, BF Forest Applecrumbie and pet eel Slim (short for Slimothy), offers a unique blend of pop music and cartoons.

“Gustafer Yellowgold’s Year in the Day” [92YTribeca, 200 Hudson St. at Vestry Street in Tribeca, (212) 601-1000] April 1 at 11 am. Tickets are $15, and free for children ages 2 and younger. “Gustafer Yellowgold’s Year in the Day” DVD and CD package, $19.99, will be available for purchase at the event. For more, visit www.92y.org/tribeca/event.

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Get ready to invent something!

Engage your creative side at Design Squad Nation Family Day at the New York Hall of Science.

Join PBS’s “Design Squad Nation” host Nate Ball in a special show from 1 to 3 pm, participate in hands-on activity challenges from 11 am to 4 pm, and more. Hall of Science members can also meet Ball at a special Meet and Greet at 1:30 pm. Free with general admission.

Design Squad Nation Family Day at the New York Hall of Science [47-01 111th St. at Avenue of Science in Corona, (718) 699-0005 ext. 353] on May 19, 11 am–4 pm. Free with general admission: $11 adults, $8 children ages 2-17, students with college ID, and seniors ages 62 and older. For more, visit www.nysci.org.

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Patterns, patterns, everywhere. Children explore the wonderful world of circles, squares, triangles, shapes, and patterns that fill our world at the Brooklyn Museum on April 7 and 8, from 2:30 to 3:30 pm.

They are all over: in our clothing, instruments, traditions, and culture. They are the patterns that shape our world and influence our lives. These events, which kick off the exhibit “Pattern Wizardry,” on display till Sept. 2, invites children 5 and older to learn more with activities focusing on spiral, branch, and linear patterns. After discovering the wonderful world of patterns, the children make a craft and take it home.

“Pattern Wizardry” at the Brooklyn Museum [145 Brooklyn Ave. at St. Marks Avenue, (718) 735-4400] April 7 and 8, from 2:30-3:30 pm; General museum admission is $7.50. For more info, visit www.brooklynkids.org.

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Secret Agent P, AKA Perry the Platypus, is on a mission: he must foil the evil Dr. Doofenshmirtz’s plan to save the day in “Phineas and Ferb: The Best Live Tour Ever” at the St. George Theater on April 17 and 18.

Musical madness and tons of fun abound when the cartoon characters come to life on the big stage. The escapade is so huge and awesome that even Candace can’t help but join in the hijinks. It’s the ultimate end of summer vacation, so come seize the day, ’cause Phineas and Ferb are gonna do it all.

“Phineas and Ferb: The Best Live Tour Ever” at the St. George Theater, [35 Hyatt St. in St. George, (718) 442-2900] April 17 and 18 at 7 pm. Tickets are $22.50–$82.50. For more info, visit www.stgeorgetheatre.com.

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What better way to get ready to celebrate Mother’s Day than enjoying a performance of “Are You My Mother?” on May 6 at 3 pm at the College of Staten Island?

Based on the classic children’s book by P.D. Eastman, Baby bird emerges from her shell only to discover that her mother is missing. With help from a cat, dog, and hen, Baby Bird learns that families come in all shapes and sizes — as long as it’s held together by love.

“Are You My Mother?” is recommended for children 5 to 8 years old. Tickets are $10, $12, and $16 for the hour-long performance on May 6 at 3 pm.

The College of Staten Island, 2800 Victory Blvd. near Christopher Lane, (718) 982-2787. Visit www.cfashows.com.

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Grandpa, the Staten Island Zoo’s spider monkey, is celebrating his 40th birthday at a party on April 14, and you are all invited. Come visit the zoo, and help him blow out the candles on his special birthday cake from 1:30–3:30 pm.

If birthday parties are not your thing, then you can enjoy Breakfast with the Beasts, from 8:30 to 10:30 am, or go fishing, from 11 am to 1 pm, on May 6. The choice is yours.

Admission to Grandpa’s birthday is free with general admission. Tickets for Breakfast with the Beasts on May 6 are $17 and $15 for members. The breakfast is suitable for children 5 and older (sorry, no younger siblings allowed). Pre-registration required.

Lastly, children 6 and older can wrangle an angler lesson and learn the ups and downs of fishing, for free — with paid admission. Must be accompanied by an adult.

Staten Island Zoo [614 Broadway at Martling Avenue, (718) 422-3174] For more info, visit www.statenislandzoo.org.

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This Mother’s Day, make mom happy with a visit to Queens Botanical Garden!

There’s something for everyone: moms can enjoy a quiet stroll through 39 acres of gardens, and from 1 to 4 pm, kids can make a special treat for her at the Children’s Activity Table.

Mother’s Day Fun at Queens Botanical Garden [43-50 Main St. at Dahlia Avenue in Flushing, (718) 886-3800] on May 13. Children’s Activity Table open from 1 to 4 pm. Free with admission, $4 adults, $3 seniors, $2 students with ID and children ages 3 and older. For more, visit www.queensbotanical.org.

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Step right up and get your tickets because for two weekends in April, it’s carnival time at the Queens County Farm Museum! Spend the day playing midway games, going on hayrides, winning prizes, chowing down on cotton candy, and being amazed by the magic show (2, 3, 4 and 5 pm in the barn). Not enough excitement? Whiskers the Easter Bunny ramps up the fun on April 7, from noon to 4 pm, when he hops on by and leads children on a barnyard egg hunt, a few turns of the Bunny Hop, a game of egg toss and a visit with the farm animals.

Admission to the carnival is $10 per person and includes all carnival rides; the Barnyard Easter Egg Hunt is $5 per person.

Queens County Farm Museum Carnival, 73-50 Little Neck Parkway at Elmont Avenue in Floral Park, (718) 347-3276 on April 14, 15, 21 and 22, from 11 am–6 pm and Egg Hunt on April 7 from noon to 4 pm. www.queensfarm.org.

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For storytelling or gardening, Voelker Orth Museum is the place to be this spring. The Victorian garden and bird sanctuary, on the grounds of a centuries-old Victorian home in Flushing, has become the habitat to a variety of birds, including orioles, mockingbirds and hummingbirds, as well as local species, such as cardinals and blue jays. The gardens also boast many butterfly bushes that attract monarchs and swallowtails as well as a colony of honey bees.

On “Gardening Day” (April 1, from 2 to 4:30 pm) children and their parents can get a great crash course in city and suburban yardwork. Whether you have a terrace, backyard, or even a window box, you will get helpful tips from experts on everything from preparing a spring garden to refreshing houseplants. At the end of the program you get to take home seeds and seedlings. Admission is $3 for members and $4 for non-members; Children are free.

Resident storyteller Dr. Marge Hendler tells tales to little ones 6 and younger during “Storybook Discovery” on April 14 from 11 am to noon.

Best of all, admission is a $1 donation!

“Gardening Day” on April 1 from 2 to 4:30 pm and “Storybook Discovery” time on April 14, from 11 am to noon at the Voelker Orth Museum, 149-19 38th Ave. At 149th Place in Flushing, (718) 359-6227. www.vomuseum.org.

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An everyday trip to Pop Up City turns into a madcap romp through the jungles of Mexico in the Pop Ups’ latest show, “Radio Jungle,” at Littlefield performance and art space on April 22.

The Pop Ups are Jason Rabinowitz and Jacob Stein, and they perform finger-snapping, foot-tapping, high energy, kid-friendly tunes as the musical adventure unfolds. Share their journey, and try to find every color of the rainbow in this super-duper ecology scavenger hunt. The music carries children of all ages through time and space while meeting mermaids, bananas and giant crayons in this out-of-this-world event.

You can also get a copy of the Pop Ups’ ready-for-primetime collection of catchy tunes.

The Pop Ups present “Radio Jungle” at Littlefield [622 Degraw St. between Fourth and Fifth avenues in Gowanus, (718) 855-3388] April 22 at 12:30 and 3:30 pm. Tickets are $15, free for babies under 1, and $45 for a family of four. For more info, visit www.littlefieldnyc.com.

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Climb in, strap on the old seatbelt, and fly off to a great adventure. That magical flying car, “Chitty Chitty Bang Bang,” lands on April 23 at the Cobble Hill Cinema for one screening. The 1968 musical film, with script by Roald Dahl, is based on the Ian Fleming novel and stars Dick Van Dyke as the hapless inventor Caractacus Potts and Sally Ann Howes as Truly Scrumptious. Moms and pops will sing along to favorite tunes “Chitty Chitty Bang Bang,” “Truly Scrumptious,” and “Toot Sweets,” while children enjoy the adventures of the flying car,

“Chitty Chitty Bang Bang” at Cobble Hill Cinema [265 Court St. between Butler and Douglass streets, (718) 596-9113] April 23 at 4 pm. Tickets are $7. For more info, visit www.cobblehilltheatre.com.

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By Lisa J. Curtis

When I found a rare moment to roll out my yoga mat in the living room, my young son took it as an invitation to jump on Mommy like I was a jungle gym. Needless to say, all of my muscles tensing for the impact from a rambunctious boy was not conducive to a relaxing session.

I’m sure that if I had Taeeun Yoo’s new book, “You are a Lion! And Other Fun Yoga Poses,” recommended for kids ages 3-5, I would have been more successful at diverting my son off of me and onto his own mat. This author-illustrated hardcover is a wonderfully drawn tool to help introduce your little one to the benefits of yoga — flexibility, focus, and more — while making it easier for you to continue your own downward-facing dogs.

Yoo has reminded this reader of another side effect from practicing yoga — and parenting: fun!

“You are a Lion!” by Taeeun Yoo (Nancy Paulsen Books), $16.99. — Lisa J. Curtis

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By Joanna DelBuono

What do you do when re-decorating isn’t enough?

It’s a question many moms ask when their youngest is off to college, and they face that big old empty nest. For one Staten Island mom, the answer was simple — go back to school and finally get that degree.

In 2004, Donna LeChillgrien was working full-time as a Parent Coordinator for the Department of Education, and her youngest son, Adam, was a senior in high school. As she helped him prepare for his own future, her thoughts turned more and more to continuing her own education, a dream that she had put on hold for her family so long ago.

“I dropped out of college when I was a teen,” LeChillgrien said. “But I always dreamed of returning.”

That time came when Adam was about to graduate.

“Raising a family, working full-time and household responsibilities always seemed more important, there was never enough time,” she explained. When her nest was finally empty, she thought, “No more re-decorating. I’m going back to school.”

LeChillgrien researched many options and finally settled on Empire State College, a State University of New York that offered flexibility, affordability and varied programs. LeChillgrien went to an informational session held at the Seaview Avenue location in Staten Island, and, after a talk with mentor Dr. Margaret Souza, was hooked.

“I was a bit hesitant,” she recalled, telling Souza: “I’ll be 50 when I finish.”

Undaunted, her mentor and future colleague replied, “If you don’t finish, you will still be 50 and without a degree — so take the trip.” It clinched the deal for LeChillgrien. Before she walked out the door, she signed up for two courses.

“The journey has been awesome,” she said. “Even though the thought of applying to college was terrifying, looking back, it was — other than raising my children Adam and Janine — the most rewarding experience of my life.”

LeChillgrien started classes in May 2005 and graduated in December 2007. She was elected Commencement Speaker, earned a 3.97 cumulative grade point average and received a BS in Community and Human Services with a concentration in Theory and Practice. She then continued with graduate studies at St. John’s University and earned her MsEd degree in May 2010.

Just six short years later, LeChillgrien is now a mentor-professor at Empire and teaches in the same building where she was once a student.

“It’s a home away from home,” LeChillgrien explained. “The college welcomed me with open arms, offering me a position as a professor/mentor after I completed my master’s degree. Now I’m able to provide a warm, nurturing environment to my students, just as my professors provided me.”

In her first semester in that role, she taught Theories of Personality Development. This semester, she’s teaching Positive Psychology, and, in Spring 2013, she will team-teach a course in Integrated Health and Healing with an educator whose concentration is in science. The team-teach innovation was instituted in September 2011.

“I’m really looking forward to working with an educator in the science field and getting involved with this exciting new program,” said LeChillgrien.

Empire State College, founded 41 years ago, is a regionally accredited college of SUNY, that originally catered to returning adults like LeChillgrien. But due to its flexibility, affordability and various programs, the college has seen an influx of younger students, some coming directly from high school. Ages range from 18 to 65 and even beyond.

“I have seen three generations, from grandmother to grandchild, graduating on the same stage,” LeChillgrien commented. “The ceremonies are so joyful, so full of accomplishment.”

Her position as mentor allows her to counsel students on how best to achieve their own goals.

“It’s funny how life goes around,” said LeChillgrien. “My office now is the same one that I sat in as a student, and now I’m the mentor.”

Empire’s teaching method is out of the box, too — very different from traditional educational institutions.

“I was able to choose my own course of study,” LeChillgrien said. “I didn’t have to conform to a regimented schedule. [And] because of the college’s admittance policies, the dissertation I submitted outlining my previous life/work experiences, and acceptance of prior college credits, I was able to fast track and earn my bachelor’s degree in only two years.

“I also received one-on-one mentoring every step of the way, which helped me focus on what exactly I wanted to do after graduation.”

Because she worked during all five years that she was in college, the road to achieving her dream wasn’t always a walk in the park.

“It’s daunting when you work full-time and have a family, but the college had five semesters per year, flexible locations, and a myriad of choices, which really afforded me maximum learning time. Together with my mentor and taking the mandatory educational planning course, I was able to achieve my goal.”

Empire State College is based in Saratoga, New York, and it has satellite campuses throughout the state and metropolitan area, including Staten Island, Brooklyn, and Manhattan.

Along with stationary classrooms, the college also offers a Center for Distance Learning, where students can obtain their entire degree online, through e-mail, telephone and Skype.

“Learning at Empire is not an individual experience,” said LeChillgrien, explaining that she learned from both her professor and fellow classmates. “By sharing our life experiences with each other, we broadened our knowledge. Learning at Empire is a collective experience.”

Through hard work, discipline and drive, LeChillgrien achieved her goal and realized her dream. She’s doing what she always wanted to do: Teach.

So what’s your decision: Re-decorating or fulfilling your dream?

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Angelina Ballerina and all of her friends are going to have a magical day at Kingsborough Community College.

The beloved character from the CG animated series comes to life in “Angelina Ballerina: The Musical,” a play about a special visitor coming to watch the pirouetting mouse and her pals Alice, Graci, AZ, and Viki perform at their school, Camembert Academy. Will the excitement surrounding this famous guest cause Angelina to mess up the hip-hop, modern, and ballet dances her teacher Ms. Mimi has taught her? Or will she shine?

Find out and join the fun on May 20 at 3 pm. Tickets are $12. Kingsborough Community College, [2001 Oriental Blvd. at Oxford Street, (718) 368-5596]. For more info visit www.onstageatkingsborough.org

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By Angelica Sereda

I receive a bunch of parenting magazines each month, and in addition to some great articles, there’s always the latest in baby products and products that claim to make mom and dad’s lives easier. I like to browse through them while I have a cup of Joe, but instead of bookmarking the things I need, I usually find myself laughing at all the things that are unnecessary.

Sure, there are some really great items I have my eyes on; a baby beach tent, some safety products, and educational videos, but for the most part, and I’m sure veteran parents warned you: you don’t need all this stuff. Besides, I vowed I would not become the parent whose day trip to the beach looked like a traveling circus.

When I was pregnant, I argued with my mom about registering for my baby shower. My approach was to see what I could get handed down — or at a bargain — and then plan from there. But my mother wanted only the best (read: brand-spanking new) for her first grandbaby. I thought I was being practical, but she insisted that it was “better” to register for everything. And so we did.

Having two full days of baby registering was not my favorite part of my pregnancy. (How did my husband manage to get out of that one?)

My mom was easily sold into getting every item on the baby checklist. I wanted to find gender neutral products for the more expensive things, with the idea that if the next baby is a boy, we can save on that expense. Grandma wanted everything to be pink for her princess.

We made some compromises. In typical New Yorker fashion, I opted for mostly black big-ticket items: stroller, car seat, stylish diaper bag, etc. She got to pick out the nursery décor, with my approval of course.

We ended up being happy with our choices. I got to register for some products that I know will get extra bang for their buck, and she got to “go all out” for her granddaughter.

Deciding which items are worth buying, whether big or small, is overwhelming. There’s a huge baby industry pushing great — and not-so-great — products on parents, which is why I like talking to other moms and finding out what baby products they can’t live without. Recently, a mom friend of mine came over for a play date and brought me one of those mesh snack holders. I had no clue what it was until she explained that you place fruit inside so that baby can suck on it without choking. Genius! I went out and bought three more. (My dog liked them too, but that’s another story.)

I also have friends who swear by any toy that will keep their children entertained for more than 10 minutes. Every mom has her preferences.

In my short time as a mom, I’ve figured out what my go-to items are (besides my coffee maker). Luckily, most of Olivia’s clothes have been (gasp) hand-me-downs, and for that, we have been so grateful, because babies really do grow out of them in a moment’s time. I’ve been happy to pass on clothes and products that we no longer need, and try to think practically when making new purchases. Maybe I have to accept the fact that I’ll no longer be able to get up and go as I did before, and some baby stuff is needed here and there. A beach day where I grab a towel and a book is probably a thing of the past, but being with Olivia is still a day at the beach.

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Poet and high school student Dionne Muyalde is garnering attention for her eloquent message of peace.

The Cathedral High School student was selected to be among the top 10 finalists out of more than 700 contestants of the Poetry for Peace contest for her poem about atomic bomb survivors, known as “hibakusha.”

The challenge was nothing for freshman Muyalde, who is currently the top student in her class at the Manhattan high school, on East 56th Street between Second and First avenues.

Muyalde and the other contestants listened as “hibakusha” shared their first-hand experiences of nuclear war, and were then asked to respond to the stories in verse. Throughout the month-long competition, 741 poems were submitted and were “liked” by people on Facebook. At the end of the month, the poems were ranked by the contest’s criteria: the poem’s connection to a “hibakusha” testimony, its message of peace, the structure of the verse, the overall impact of the poem, and the number of likes it received on Facebook.

To read all of the poems submitted to the contest, or to find out about the United Nations Office for Disarmament Affairs’ next contest, visit www.un.org/disarmament/special/poetryforpeace/. For more about the “hibakusha,” visit hibakushastories.org.

HIROSHIMA HIBAKUSHA

By Dionne Muyalde

August 9, 1945, what a beautiful morning,

And yet the names of those lost can’t even be said out loud.

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By Sandra Gordon

In an ideal world, you’ve got a satisfying career with plenty of time and energy to play with your baby, help with homework, relax with your husband, get to the gym, and catch up with your friends. The reality? You’re exhausted from toiling harder and longer just to keep your job, and it’s taking a toll. You’re time-crunched, short-tempered, and wound so tight that even relaxing takes effort.

Sound familiar? You’re not alone.

“In today’s competitive culture, there’s greater stress on an internal and external level,” says Ann Chanler, PhD, a psychoanalyst in New York City. The more that’s expected of us, the more we demand from ourselves to be the best wife, doting mom, and caring friend, because we don’t want to let anything slide.

But feeling frazzled and the ripple effects it has on your professional and personal life aren’t fun for anyone — or healthy for you over the long run.

Something’s gotta give.

But what? We tapped work and life experts like Chanler and working moms like you for their top sanity-saving tips on how to rebalance the balancing act.

Put you at the top of your to-do list

“If you don’t take care of yourself first, you won’t be able to do a good job of taking care of everybody,” says Chanler, herself the mother of two teenage daughters. She likens self-care to the oxygen mask demonstration on airplanes. Although it feels counterintuitive, you’re instructed to strap your mask on first, before your child’s.

That means that if, for example, you have a choice between returning e-mails or strolling with your baby, take the walk. Block out an hour in your datebook each week for yourself and arrange your own play dates at least once a month, too.

“Parenting can be isolating, but other moms can give you help with issues you’re facing and make you realize you’re not alone. Friends who don’t have kids can help you connect with a part of yourself that existed before you had a family,” Chanler says.

Think less is more

For a greater sense of calm, ask yourself: what can I nix from my to-do list? Then, choose one thing to delete from that day’s or week’s agenda. Ah. Also, stop multitasking.

“Create a schedule when you’ll work, take care of the kids, spend time with your spouse, and then concentrate only on the task at hand. Ask yourself: what should I be doing now? And then do only that,” says Leah Aharoni, a managing director at a Newark, New Jersey translation agency, and mom of six.

Snooze away stress

“To manage stress, you have to be well-rested,” says Savitri Dixon-Saxon, PhD, associate dean of the Walden University School of Counseling and Social Services, an online university. Lack of shut-eye increases your body’s production of cortisol, a stress hormone, so try to catch six to eight hours of sleep each night. Your brain needs the down time. A study in the journal “Sleep” found that people who slept that much performed the best on tests that assessed cognitive function, memory, reasoning, and vocabulary. Sleep is also the ultimate fatigue fighter. To log in more zzzz, turn off the TV and go to bed earlier.

Exercise your options

Try to get in at least 30 minutes of daily exercise — Mother Nature’s reset button. To spend more time with your family while you’re at it, be active together by going for walks, strolling after dinner, or hiking or biking together on the weekends. Family time is so important in and of itself. If you can incorporate activity into it, it’s a double bonus.

Catch your breath

When you’re feeling overwhelmed, breathe in through your nose to the count of four, exhale through your mouth for a count of four, and so on, for four sets.

“Do this simple exercise in the car, in your office, or in the bathroom stall at work if you have to,” says Karol Ward, a licensed clinical social worker in New York City. It helps you think clearly and regain your equilibrium.

“I breathe if I’m anxious before phone calls or meetings, or before talking to my kids or my husband when I’m tired. It changes everything,” adds Diana Fletcher, a life coach and author of “Happy on Purpose.”

Eat well

A diet that’s rich in fruits, vegetables, and whole grains, paired with healthy sources of lean protein, like chicken and fish, provides the variety of nutrients you need to cope with stress and the energy you need to multitask.

Instead of resorting to take-out (again), use the weekends to plan menus, shop, batch-cook, and prep healthy meals and snacks for the week.

“Once a week, make a crock-pot meal,” to create even more time, suggests Cristin Frank, a writer mom of two in Williamsville, New York. “The night before, portion out ingredients so you can toss them into the slow-cooker in the morning. You’ll only have one pot to clean at the end of the night.” Bonus!

Don’t be the clean queen

Full-time working women do more than 33 hours of domestic chores weekly, while their male counterparts do about 16, according a study published in “Women Don’t Ask,” by Linda Babcock, professor of economics at Carnegie Mellon University in Pittsburgh, Pa.

To end the dreaded second shift, let some of the housework slide, or ask your spouse and your kids for help.

Doing chores actually helps build a child’s sense of competence. If your standards are exacting, lower them. So what if the sheets don’t get changed as often, or your husband misses a spot when he’s dusting the furniture?

Take notes

Use a day planner to write down appointments, reminders, bright ideas and your daily to-do list.

“It allows your mind to rest, because you know you won’t forget anything important,” says Renee Metzler, a life organizational coach and fellow mom in the trenches.

Create a day-is-done ritual

A self-imposed boundary between work and home, that’s designed to bring closure to the end of your work day, is very important. One example: “Take a shower at home after work, and imagine your problems of the day disappearing down the drain,” says John Brubaker, a work-life balance consultant.

After that, you’ll feel more ready to give your family your full attention.

Determine your stress triggers

Is it having too much to do? Having to work on the weekends?

“Once you understand the root cause of your stress, you can take positive steps to cope by avoiding thoughts, behaviors, and activities that increase your anxiety,” says Soroya Bacchus, PhD, a board-certified psychiatrist in Los Angeles.

One temper-taming tactic: “Try to stack more labor-intensive assignments and those that require others’ input early in the week, and taper down, so that by Friday, you can essentially focus on housekeeping tasks,” says Ellen Schack, a New Jersey work and life balance expert at www.theceocouple.com. “This strategy can help you avoid weekend workloads and other infringements on what should be your personal time.”

Savor the good times

Irene Krasniansky, a mom of two and an operations manager, says, “Something always comes up at work or at home, but when everything seems to be running smoothly, whether it’s the fact that my kids aren’t driving me crazy or that everyone is doing their jobs in my office, I stop for a second and enjoy it.”

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Yippee! May 6 is opening day for the Staten Island Carousel!

Children of all ages can’t help but be touched by the magic of a spin on the painted ponies, lions, tigers and bears that go up and down and around on the two-minute ride.

The Carousel for all Children took Carousel Works two years to build in Mansfield, Ohio.

The ride boasts 51 hand-carved, painted, traditional wooden horses, zebras, giraffes, gorillas, a spotted leopard, and panda bears and it’s surrounded by 40 hand-painted renderings of Staten Island landmarks, including the Conference House, Martlings Pond, High Rock Park, and Midland Beach Boardwalk of long ago.

Opening day, sponsored by TD Bank, celebrates the carousel Kentucky Derby-style with games, activities, and refreshments.

Opening Day, May 6, from noon to 4 pm. Tickets are $1.50 per ride and free for Greenbelt members.

The Carousel for All Children at Willowbrook Park, entrance on Eton Place in Willowbrook, (718) 667-2165. Visit www.sigreenbelt.org.

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By Lisa J. Curtis

GoPicnic has developed an allergen-free mealtime solution to enjoy on your child’s time-crunched days. Its SunButter + Crackers ready-to-eat, meal-in-a-box is a balanced, light lunch with creamy sunflower seed spread that is easily squirted onto the crunchy, multi-grain crackers. The box also contains seed and fruit trail mix, tropical fruit “bites,” and a chocolate cookie. The components are delicious and don’t need to be refrigerated. Bring a napkin and a drink and you’re on your way!

GoPicnic SunButter + Crackers ready-to-eat meal, $4.99. Available at Target stores and at GoPicnic.com.

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By Candi Sparks

Children love birthday celebrations. To them, getting older is cool, and birthdays are a special day to get and give love, attention, and gifts — simply because it’s a birthday! But for parents doing the birthday-party circuit (whether as a guest or a host), things can get expensive, fast. Considering that the number of kids on the guest list could be between 15 and 25 youngsters, birthday parties can also be exhausting.

Children’s parties have become a lot more elaborate than they were in the good-old days. Cake and ice cream is for babies. For older kids, options include popcorn machines, bouncy houses, face painting, DJs, magicians, clowns, celebrity appearances, and video arcade rentals. In some communities, these extras are not negotiable. But not all parents can spend a year of college tuition on a child’s party. How can you commemorate the date without breaking the bank?

It is essential to have a budget and a game plan. Party planning involves more than money. It is up to the host to determine how guests will spend their time during the party. Will the bulk of the party consist of good conversation, doing an art project together, sports competitions, singing, dancing, and eating? Determining where the budget can be trimmed depends on the age of the child, her expectations, and who you know that can “get it for your wholesale.” But even a limited budget can go further with a little imagination and footwork.

Scale down parties

If your budding star wants a karaoke-themed party, a bare-bones rental space in New York (that comes with lights, couches, and equipment) is about $24 per person, without food and beverage add-ons. Fortunately, karaoke equipment is available for rent from local companies, as well as those found online, for as little as $50 (add-ons are available for song collections, lights, etc.). The rental space, versus the equipment rental, gives some leeway and pricing options to the party planner that are worth checking out. A further option is to find a local DJ to play music for the entire party and have the highlight of the party be a few karaoke tunes from the birthday child.

For the athletically inclined, an indoor sports party is fun. Gymnastics, bowling, rock climbing, basketball, and paint ball (for children of a certain age) are a few of the options. These parties are typically around $30 per child, without all the bells and whistles. More kids and add-ons (like food, beverages, and cake) are extra. Parents usually spend between $600 to $1,000 on this type of party when everything is tallied.

If the sports center is not an option, think of a work-around where the kids can run and play and conclude the party with cake. Would a backyard, basement, park, or beach work as a party space? By moving the party to a “free” venue, the party can go on a lot longer and the budget can go further. But, this choice involves preparing the environment in advance for safety, as well as the fun and games. The activities and equipment will have to be organized in advance. If a paint ball party is not an option, would a water balloon fight work? Decide on the activities — relay races, volleyball, soccer, or whatever works for the guest of honor and guests. Hosts will need to make sure that they have enough equipment for these games and that there are enough adult coaches or referee-type personalities to put the friendly competition into play and keep it safe.

Crafty celebrations

Younger kids usually enjoy getting messy — without getting in trouble — at a party. If your child likes making special projects, consider having an art-themed birthday party. Typically, a two-hour pottery-making party is around $34 per person with pizza, which can wind up in the $1,000-plus range quickly. A scaled-down option is a home-craft project, just try to keep it fun and simple. Consider baking pinch pots or making soap or candles. If the entire process would take too much time, some of the work can be done in advance, so the guests can add color and decorations or the final steps to the project, and then take the project home as a souvenir.

Creating sock puppets together and putting on a favorite story is another possibility. Some of the characters can also be made by gluing faces on paper plates or paper bags, using felt, yarn, and glitter. As long as the project is hands-on and does not have to been done perfectly, the kids will have a great time, and won’t know or care how much money you spent.

In warmer weather, an art party can also be done outdoors or in a rented space like a local community center. Regardless of the venue, there will need to be enough supervision for safety — and to contain the mess (at least a little without spoiling the fun). Another option for an art party (or any other party theme) is to check out free events for kids at museums, for example, and meet up there. Afterwards, treat guests to a bite to eat to celebrate the birthday before everyone heads home.

In the fall, an apple-themed party can be organized by apple picking together, then making apple pies or apple crisps at the party. A pumpkin painting party, or making jack-o-lantern designs, will also work in the fall.

Decorating pre-baked gingerbread cookies or making a gingerbread house will be warm and cozy in December. If your home kitchen is too small or your guest list is too big, there are alternatives that will give you a culinary thrill. Commercial kitchens, restaurants, and perhaps even the local pizzeria can put on a show with your guests participating in meal preparation, viewing the chopping and dicing from a front row seat, or rolling the dough for the pie. Check with the manager or owner of your favorite venue. More and more places are welcoming the chance to add to your fun.

For older kids

Unfortunately (or not), as kids get older, they want a more sophisticated celebration, which usually equates to one that costs you more money. Sometimes they want a celebration without parental supervision. A trip to the movies or shopping with friends makes a birthday fun (with your money and without you there). Independence is the key to this birthday feeling like “a good one.”

However, some birthdays are religious or cultural rites of passage that merit a heftier bottom line. For Jewish children turning 13 years old, signifying the arrival of adulthood, the bar mitzvah (for young men) and bat mitzvah (at 12 or 13 years of age for young ladies), is a more significant event. In Latino culture, some celebrate with a quinceañera, as a rite of passage for a young lady into young womanhood at the age of 15. In American culture, some celebrate a sweet 16 to mark the occasion.

These parties can become big ticket items, depending on the parent’s resources. Friends and family may contribute months in advance to ensure the success of the event, but the key is to have a game plan and shop around. Negotiate everything — the invitations, the venue, the fare, the entertainment, the photographer, the videographer, the goodie bags — everything! When finances are tight, more people are searching for affordable quality because, in the long run, quality is usually more of a consideration than the cost of this once-in-a-lifetime event.

Goody bags

Hosts will also consider what they will give to guests in return for the presents their children receive. The goody bag doesn’t have to include personalized T-shirts or video games if that is out of your price range. It can include a lottery ticket with your best wishes for a win. A charitable contribution is also a thoughtful gift, or a homemade, decorated photo of the guest and birthday child makes a nice keepsake. Candy, bubbles, pinwheels, balloons, coloring books or other simple toys, lip gloss, nail polish, and hair bands and clips, can be purchased in bulk at the discount store. After a certain age, children are just happy that they had another chance to be together.

• • •

Showing the children how to appreciate life is one of the best gifts that you can give them. Don’t forget the thank you cards!

Candi Sparks is a Brooklyn mother of two and a children‘s book author. Her titles include “Max Gets It!,” “Nacho Money,” and other books on finance for kids. Follow her on Facebook and Twitter (Candi Sparks, author) and on YouTube (Canihavesomemoney).

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By Myrna Beth Haskell

If you are a parent of a special-needs teen, you worked with school personnel each and every year to ensure your child received all necessary accommodations consistent with his Individualized Education Plan or 504 plan. However, once it is time for post-secondary school, it’s a whole new ball game.

Parents must decide if their teen is ready to live away from home. Students must deal with an unfamiliar environment, including new classmates, more responsibility, and, oftentimes, a much larger campus than the one he is used to. Therefore, besides looking at program fit, parents should choose a college that is equipped to handle their teen’s unique situation.

Be prepared

Students with special needs should be prepared gradually for this transition, so don’t wait until senior year.

Matthew Cooper, assistant director of Disability Support Services at Seton Hall University in South Orange, N.J., urges parents to teach their children self advocacy, as early as middle school.

“Students with special needs should attend meetings and become familiar with their IEP or 504 plan,” he says.

Parents should ask about workshops for college-bound, special-needs students to garner specifics about the process.

“Although all universities that receive federal funding are required to provide accommodations to eligible students, each university’s documentation process is different. For example, in some instances, showing the disabilities office a copy of your son’s or daughter’s current IEP may be enough for extra time on tests, whereas another office may require updated testing and evaluations.”

Andrea Coren, MEd, a disabilities specialist at Arcadia University in Glenside, Pa., cautions that parents should give their child some independence.

“Parents with the best intentions can become enablers of their teen with special needs. Relinquishing one’s parental role as advocate is a difficult one,” she says. She beseeches parents to gradually allow their young adult to become an expert on his disability and learning style. “This self awareness will translate into self advocacy.”

To assess a teen’s readiness for college life, Coren suggests parents ponder these questions:

• Does he have adequate organization and time-management skills?

• Can he manage money?

• Does he understand his strengths and weaknesses?

It’s in the details

Address specific issues during the search process. Will he be comfortable in large lecture hall settings? Is regular correspondence with a campus advocate a necessity? Are there peer support groups for special-needs students on campus?

Carole Patrylo, EdD, a professor of education at La Salle University, suggests students try out college life before committing to a school.

“Most special-needs students have adjustment issues. They might want to consider attending a smaller community college before transferring to a larger college,” she says. She recommends that students sit in on classes or shadow a student for the day during campus visits.

Parents should keep a list of questions handy. Some might include:

• What are the documentation requirements and timelines for accessing academic accommodations and residence hall accommodations?

• What is the university’s policy for course substitutions or waivers?

• What specialized software is available for students with learning disabilities?

Tips and tales (from high school counselors)

“Our local community college has a fabulous ‘Transition to College’ workshop for special needs students. We are making plans to include a session like this at our evening College Information Night.”

Pam Atkins, guidance counselor at Roosevelt High School, Hyde Park, N.Y.

“Many schools have specific programs to help students with special needs. Those are the best schools to look at! Using the community college as a transition tool is a great way to test the waters and to experience success.”

Ryan Teeter, guidance counselor at Rush-Henrietta Senior High School, Henrietta, N.Y.

Want to share your ideas?

Upcoming topic: Tips to help your teen learn the value of a budget and savings.

Please send your full name, address, and brief comments to myrnahaskell@gmail.com, or visit www.myrnahaskell.com.

Myrna Beth Haskell is a feature writer, columnist and author of the upcoming book “Lions and Tigers and Teens: Expert advice and support for the conscientious parent just like you” (Unlimited Publishing LLC), now in limited advance release, with broad public availability expected in mid 2012. Visit www.myrnahaskell.com for details.

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By Rebecca McKee

The skies are still gray, the trees are bare, and our fingers and toes are bundled up in mittens and socks. Summer, not to mention scheduling summer activities, is a faraway thought for most. But for families with young children and teenagers with special needs, NOW begins the process of picking the right summer program.

Summer programs are becoming more diverse…for both typical young people and those who differ from the norm. The idea that all boys live for sports, and all girls love dolls has gone by the wayside. It is now time for parents of those with special needs to ride this wave and accept that it is OK for their child to live outside of the box, too! Past practice was that a boy or girl with autism spectrum disorder, or other special needs, would spend the summer working extremely hard to fit in at a typical camp. As with any special education situation, there were pros and cons.

It’s a great idea for summer programs to expose young children or teenagers with special needs to natural settings alongside typical peers, but will the special-needs kids enjoy the experience? When picking a summer program, parents have to remember what matters most to and what is best for the special-needs child who will be attending the camp. We have to measure his level of enjoyment during his summer vacation.

To gain a broader view of activities, families can attend local parent support meetings at their children’s schools. You’ll find an abundance of information. With a little bit of research, you can find a variety of summer programs — including agriculture camps at local farms; theatre programs that include drama, stage building, filming with both Legos and Robotics; and other settings — that would fill those hot summer days with a program that accommodates your family member’s specific preferences.

You can also contact local colleges and universities in your area. Certain academic programs offer half-day and full-day summer camps geared toward children with special needs. The counselors are actual college and graduate school students in the fields of special education, speech-language pathology, psychology, and other related fields — you can’t get better than that!

You’ll benefit greatly from shopping for camps early in the year. Once you’ve narrowed down the choices on an adult level, take into account your child’s experience at the camp each day. Summer experiences are supposed to be happy and fun!

People with special needs need to alleviate anxiety and prepare for change by being exposed to information via multiple senses. Have the child preview the location visually by looking at pictures from the pamphlets and websites. Touring the site will capture the auditory and kinesthetic modalities, and counting down to the end of the school year and beginning of summer on a calendar will prepare the child for a change in routine.

What matters most to the special-needs child or teenager should be the foremost thought when choosing a summer program. Try to be flexible and think outside the box, and get a head start, too, so that you can have full access to all of the options out there.

Rebecca McKee, The 13th Child Autism and Behavioral Coaching. For more, visit www.mybehaviorcoach.com or the13abc@aol.com.

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By Chris Garlington

Let us establish, now, that I am not very good at this fatherhood thing. Never have been, never will be. I am a struggling father, an amateur, a dilettante. My children know this; I’ve been proving it to them since they were born. For my son, the proof was never so obvious as during the pinewood derby.

I tend to plan the way some people fall off a cliff. I backplan, coming to my senses moments after something expensive lies smoldering at my feet long enough to say, “Maybe I should have read the instructions.” I also tend to reject proper tool usage to the point where the home improvement chain Menards has issued a restraining order.

So nobody should be surprised I screwed up my pinewood derby car.

I mean, so nobody should be surprised I screwed up my son’s pinewood derby car.

First of all, the manufacturer’s verbiage claiming the paint will dry in one hour is a big fat lie. The only thing happening in an hour is the Scoutmaster will come into the broom closet where you’re building your car (your son’s car) AS THE DERBY IS STARTING to tell you [unprintable] or he will [unprintable]. And the wheels will get stuck to the fuselage, which really doesn’t matter in the great story arc of life.

But there is a moment when it does matter. There is, in fact, a moment where those wheels, shellacked to the body of the car by a generous application of Krylon Red #5, bear the weight of a ’57 Chevy in a single glance as your son tries to place his race car on the track…and it sticks to his fingers.

However, there is another moment that’s even heavier. And that’s when the chucks release and all the cars speed down the slope toward the finish line. All the cars.

Except his.

Yeah, the manufacturer coulda said something about that.

Look, I know something about being shamefaced: I attempted dating in the ’80s. I worked at a theme park. I drove a Gremlin. I drove a purple Gremlin.

So I knew how to react. I knew precisely the harrowing precipice of dignity that my father-and-son dynamic skidded uncontrollably toward in the gravity of that glance. As my son’s public humiliation went nuclear, as an entire auditorium of parents shushed, their heads swiveling in unison toward me, as the raw force of an accumulated scowl swept toward me like a bright red tsunami, I thought to myself: “I should have used a hair dryer.”

The next year was no better. Heck, the next two years were no better. My car — my son’s car — never placed. I spent at least 50 bucks on kits, sandpaper packs, chrome pipes, high-gloss lacquer; but no matter how many hours I put into my car — into my son’s car — I didn’t place. He didn’t place.

Finally, the kid said, “Dad, can I try?” — and then I got it. I mean, it was soooo obvious. I should have seen it coming a mile away: this was one of those blunt lessons of fatherhood, a Zen smack, a lightbulb as bright as the sun, and it was shining across that dim auditorium directly onto me and I knew, I knew right then, that I needed powdered graphite lube.

The kid was having none of it. He grabbed a chunk of pine and built what appeared to be a wedge of cheese with a number seven scrawled on its side. It wasn’t sanded. The wheels were crooked. It was yellow. This car had nothing going for it.

He didn’t win. I mean, he was racing a block of cheddar against a Sponge Bob, a third-generation doorstop, and a perfectly rendered 1967 Camaro Super Sport. He came in fourth.

And he didn’t care.

Winning had nothing to do with it.

Winning has nothing to do with it.

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By Cynthia Washam

Motherhood matters

Percent of out-of-hospital births in the U.S. in 1940: 44

Percent today: 1

Approximate number of surrogate mothers who give birth every year in the U.S.: 1,000

Year Dr. Wertt of Germany, a male physician interested in obstetrics, was caught trying to sneak into a labor room dressed as a woman and burned at the stake for his crime: 1522

Percent of obstetricians in the U.S. who are men: 59

Cost of a Pregnancy Piercings flexible belly-button ring for woman who wants to comfortably keep her naval piercing through pregnancy: $15.99

Number of moms with children under 18 who write blogs, usually about parenting: 3.9 million

Cost of each of the two Chelsea sleigh beds singer Mariah Carey and husband Nick Cannon bought for their twins: $2,200

Percent of mothers 35 or older who gave birth in 1990: 9

Percent in 2008: 14

Percent of Mother’s Day flowers bought by women for themselves: 8

Percent of social-media users who are Facebook friends with their mothers: 48

Percent of parents who regret choosing the names they did for their children, often because so many other youngsters have the same name: 19

Sources: Sojourners, Glamour, Pregnancy-Place.com, U.S. Department of Health and Human Services, PregnancyPiercings.com, ADWEEK Online, Instablogs.com, PewResearch.org, AboutFlowers.com, Y98.radio.com, Newslite.tv.

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By Tammy Scileppi

When beloved children’s songstress and guitarist Laurie Berkner performs, excited audiences love to sing along and clap to familiar songs. In fact, her shows are so much fun, that fans leave with smiles on their faces, still humming her tunes.

It’s that rewarding response that keeps Berkner returning to the stage.

Fans can see her live when Berkner plays three shows at the Concert Hall in Manhattan on May 18 and 19.

The super-talented, popular, guitar-strumming performer actually created an entire genre — a progressive “kindie rock” movement. Her lively shows are all about kid-friendly, rockin’ music that isn’t dumbed-down or too saccharine.

Berkner’s songs tell stories, teach life lessons, and are full of energy. Many of her songs involve movement, while others— quieter songs —inspire feelings of security and warmth. And all of them invite children’s participation, allowing tots to be silly, powerful or whatever they like, encouraging them to use their imagination.

“When I’m writing a song, I’m thinking about whether the kids will like it and whether I’m going to connect to them through it,” said Berkner. “I’m also thinking about whether I want to sing it over and over again, so I guess that’s the part that connects with adults. ‘Old MacDonald had a Farm’ is a great song for kids, but I couldn’t sing it 100 times!”

Berkner lives with husband, Brian Mueller and daughter, Lucy 7, on the Upper West Side, and in a recent interview, said she is continually inspired by her young audience and her own life experiences, while occasionally, “connecting to what I did when I was a child. There’s a song called ‘Pillow Land’ on my new ‘Party Day!’ CD, which I wrote one day, just remembering how I loved making things out of couch pillows and imagining a place that’s magical.”

Berkner’s fame came as a surprise – even to her. She said writing music for children seemed to get her creative juices flowing and it was a surprisingly fluid transformation from playing rock bands like Lois Lane (an all-female cover band, as well as her own rock band, Red Onion).

The early years

Berkner’s home in Princeton, New Jersey was never a boring place, and music appreciation was always encouraged. The budding performer became a real music buff and her taste was rather eclectic -- ranging from rock to classical to Gilbert and Sullivan operettas and Broadway musicals.

Berkner recalled that as a child, Marlo Thomas’s “Free to be You and Me” album seemed to strike a chord, inspiring her musical aspirations later in life.

As a teen she sang in choirs, got parts in musical theatre and played in cool bands. And even though she enjoyed playing piano, clarinet and violin, it’s no surprise that the guitar is Berkner’s favorite instrument.

After graduating Rutgers with a psychology degree, which came in handy when she worked with kids at summer camps and eventually as a children’s music specialist at New York preschools and day care centers, Berkner was on her way to discovering her niche. She said her experience with kids “turned out to be incredibly rewarding. I learned a lot just by working with them every day.”

At Rockefeller University in Manhattan, Berkner worked as a music specialist at the child and family center. She took over for the music teacher who was leaving after 10 years.

“It was my first time being a preschool music teacher, so I observed the class teacher and asked her, ‘How do you get these kids to do all those things that you want them to do? I don’t understand; I can’t seem to get these kids to pay any attention to me.’ So, she told me to stop talking and put it into music,” Berkner recalled.

“The kids wanted to be dinosaurs, which I thought was fun, but I didn’t want them to get out of control and hurt each other. They were roaring and showing their claws and stomping around, so I sang a song, ‘It’s time to eat.’ So, they would stop and eat, then got up and pretended to be dinosaurs again, and when that got to be a little bit intense, I’d sing, ‘Stop and take a rest.’ And then I’d save the roaring for the very end of the song.”

That’s when “We are the Dinosaurs” (from her first album, “Whaddaya Think of That?” released on cassette in 1997) was composed, based on this funny situation whereby the kids were allowed to do their thing and express anger in a creative way.

Recordings

Berkner formed her own record company, Two Tomatoes Records, LLC in 1988, when her second CD “Buzz Buzz” was released. Everything seemed to fall into place as she pursued her passion. Her work began to sell rapidly in the New York area, as word of mouth began to spread.

As the universe continued to smile down upon the performer, Berkner’s release of “Victor Vito” (1999) got US Magazine to say, “The title cut has already become a birthday party anthem.”

Berkner suddenly found herself in her own Upper West Side office, after working out of her one-bedroom apartment for many years. She said it felt really good.

And then The Laurie Berkner band came to be. Their live shows brought down the house as kids who idolized them started throwing stuffed animals on stage – a sign of loyalty.

Another hit with the tot crowd, the “Under a Shady Tree” CD (2002), won a N.A.P.P.A. Gold Award and a Parents’ Choice Silver Honor Award. Critics singled out the recording as one of the best of the year.

Nick Jr. phenom

In 2004 Berkner debuted on Nick Jr., with a series of six music videos, as part of the network’s “Move to The Music” series. In an instant she became a household word and enjoyed an amazing increase in CD sales.

In September, 2010 Nickelodeon released “Let’s Hear It for The Laurie Berkner Band!” — a DVD of her most popular videos that have aired on the network. And In June of that year, “The Best of The Laurie Berkner Band” received a N.A.P.P.A. Silver Honors Award.

The exciting release of the band’s first new DVD of original videos since 2006, “Party Day!” (Two Tomatoes Records/Razor & Tie) in July, 2011 entered the Billboard Top Music Videos chart at number one.

The December, 2011 release of Barnes & Noble’s first original “Read and Play” NOOK Kids Book, based on the title track from “Party Day!” took preschool fun and education to a whole new level. “The Party Day” e-book is a musical adventure featuring unique animation and great interactive games in which a merry bunch of insects get together for an all-day beach celebration.

Berkner’s simple lyrics and catchy melody, coupled with colorful illustrations by Julia Woolf, capture the childhood feeling of never wanting a perfect day to end.

We adults know that feeling all too well as we struggle with the imperfections of daily life.

Busy bee Berkner is also the author of two picture book-with-CDs based on her songs, “Victor Vito and Freddie Vasco” (Scholastic) and “The Story of My Feelings” (Orchard Books). She has also released a sheet music compilation, “The Laurie Berkner Songbook” (Music Sales Group), and is featured on a software cartridge that accompanies Fisher-Price’s award-winning toy, Learn Through Music Plus.

Family time

Berkner said she loves spending quality time with her family when she’s not touring, and Lucy can’t wait to have her mom all to herself, and enjoys occasionally seeing her sing and play guitar at shows, even though she has to share her mom with fans. Mother-daughter downtime usually consists of shopping at local markets, reading, talking and biking. Family outings to the beach in the summer and horseback riding include dad.

Lucy attends private school, and says she’s proud of her mom. She may be headed in a musical direction, showing lots of promise as a drummer, and enjoys pop singer Taylor Swift, according to Berkner.

“But some days, she says she wants to be an archeologist, while other days, a paleontologist,” says mom.

As a busy mom, Berkner said she tries to go with the flow and not be too over protective. Sometimes, she likes to play her songs for Lucy, and make things up as a way of instructing her to do things.

“I was singing once and saw a 4-year-old girl shut her eyes and start swaying to the music,” said Berkner. “I thought, ‘That’s the reason I got into music.’ It keeps me wanting to do more.”

Laurie Berkner at the Concert Hall [2 West 64th St. at Central Park West, (212) 277-7179] May 18, 5 pm; May 19, 11 am and 3 pm. For more, visit www.laurieberkner.com.

Tammy Scileppi is a Queens-based freelance writer and journalist. She loves New York City and has her finger on the pulse of the city’s vibe. And, as the parent of two great sons, she has a lot to write about.

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By Angelica Sereda

On my morning commute, I saw a woman trying to soothe her toddler as he cried and kicked while being strapped to his stroller. The mom kept her cool as her son continued to struggle with her. I should also mention that she had two other children with her, and one was an infant.

Most of the train riders gave her a cold stare, and, up until about eight months ago, I probably would have done the same. How dare she ride the subway during rush hour? Doesn’t she know people are trying to get to work? This was my selfish, pre-baby way of thinking. It’s funny how, for some people (ahem, me), it takes having a child to realize that the world, in fact, does not revolve around them. But this impatience with children was not limited to mass transit.

Truthfully, I’ve never really been too tolerant of them. I wasn’t the girl who baby sat for the neighborhood kids, and I didn’t “ooh and ahh” when my friends started to have babies. Even now, a lot of my single friends worry obsessively about finding the right person to settle down with before “it’s too late” to have kids. I never felt that way. Having children, to me, was always something in the very distant future, and, although I was aware of my poor attitude, I vowed (and still do) that my children would always behave, especially in public! To say I had no patience with children is a huge understatement.

Babies teach us a lot of things even before they’re born; compassion, joy, unconditional love, but your patience is challenged right around day three as a new parent. It’s patience you need when breastfeeding isn’t happening as naturally as you thought it would. Patience will get you through a rough patch of colic and sleepless nights, and you will definitely call on your patience when your baby spits up all over you when you’re running late for work. Big smile.

Unfortunately, some people’s patience runs a little thinner than others, and there will always be people who have a problem with your kid on the train, or at a restaurant, movie theatre, etc. I am patient with impatient people, because I am one. I have to remind myself of my new, calmer identity, at least for my daughter’s sake. My mother has been telling me to work on it for years. She even bought me a cute little “Patience” rock, which I keep at my desk as a gentle reminder. And, yes, I rub it in moments of high stress. (Hey, whatever gets you through your day!) Funny, her patience isn’t particularly great either…

That day on the train, I was able to do my small part in making a mom’s day just a little easier. As she continued to struggle with her whiny kid and prepare the others to leave the train, I held the emergency exit door for her and gave her an empathetic smile. Sure, I was late for work, but it was the right thing to do for a fellow mom. So, as I held the door open and three more moms passed through with their strollers and small parade of kids, I bit my bottom lip, called on my patience, and just kept holding on.

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By Richard Kahn, PhD, RD

Kids, delayed or not, have their own agenda when it comes to food. Parents are, rightfully, concerned about the nutrients and calories that make up long-term health, but such things do not concern children. Parents speak the language of words and think about the future. Little children speak the language of gestures and think in terms of now. No wonder communication channels break down at the table.

The trick to better meals is to see what is behind the behavior on both sides. Children instinctively anticipate that parents understand their developmental drives and behaviors, but delays can cloud the child’s signals, as was the case with a wheelchair-bound child we’ll call Ruedo.

Ruedo had a muscular condition that left him with very poor muscle control below the neck. He could guide his wheelchair by moving a joystick between his right thumb and forefinger, but it was clear that he had very limited use of his hands. Above his shoulders, though, everything worked fine. After getting settled and arranged, he and his mother sat down by my desk.

The mother told me Ruedo did not eat, was picky, and refused most foods. It was no surprise he was underweight. As we started to talk, the mother began to cry. After a few minutes, she wiped her eyes. I waited, listening, until she composed herself. We went back to the task at hand.

“I see he has many challenges,” I said, “but, tell me, can he get a cookie out of you?” She smiled, then she laughed. “Yes!” she said grinning. I knew now we could make some headway. Mom had moved from the world of worry to the world of possibility. She recognized Ruedo’s strengths.

I had already seen that children with varying degrees of delay know how to manipulate their parents as well as typically developing children when it comes to treats. To me, it is a sign of mental health. The response to the ploy is up to the parents. Some parents may think, “Why not give them what they want? The child is already suffering. He hardly eats anything.”

Well, the child may not be suffering. Certainly, the child will suffer as he grows to understand himself in relation to others. In the moment of worming cookies out of parents, though, the child is not suffering. The child is doing what all little children do once they have figured out the weak points of their parents. The fundamental issue that worried the mom was the usual concern of parents when they lose control of the daily meals and snacks. Instead of thinking about healthy foods, they focus on some aspect of the delay.

Once mom and I tacitly agreed that we were talking about a parenting problem, we talked about the feeding relationship, a parenting approach to nutrition. The rule governing feeding relationships is pretty simple: the parent provides; the child decides. In Ruedo’s case, no one addressed Ruedo’s hard-wired drive to self-feed. Mom understood the rule, but it would take time to work out a way to solve his particular needs.

The better therapists address the parenting process along with remediation. The parenting job includes the basics, such as modeling at the table, eliminating the baby bottle, helping the child use a cup to the extent possible, and the judicious use of “no” and “yes” for treats.

When children learn that parents provide, and that they decide, mealtimes go smoother. Pickiness and refusals can abate. Sometimes, sensory delays will weaken. It can be complicated to apply the feeding rule in the presence of delays, but not impossible. The reasons to try it are practical and emotional.

Sameroff, a psychologist, finds that parents of delayed children need the three R’s: Remediation, Redefinition and Reeducation. Remediation refers to optimal remediation of the delay. Redefinition describes the change in thinking that allows parenting strengths to come into play by minimizing any overwhelming aspects of the disability. He finds that parents’ attitudes can affect the child’s ability to overcome. In the case of nutrition, it means minimizing struggles. Otherwise, the emotional fallout of routinely distressing meals grows unchecked. Love gets buried.

Lastly, parents have to learn about what’s behind the struggles. Learning about hunger, readiness, and satiety cues is essential. Parents who see standard emotional behaviors catch their deeper meaning. It becomes easier to apply basic parenting skills. We love our children, and calm mealtimes support that love.

Richard Kahn, PhD, RD, is a New York City pediatric nutritionist in private practice specializing in the needs of young children. Reach him at childnutrition@verizon.net or RichardKahnNutrition.com.

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By Karyn Gordon

I have three kids ranging from 4 to 11 years old and while visiting with friends at a party recently, the topic of giving “the talk” to our kids came up. I haven’t spoken about sex at all in our home. (I’m terrified to do this since I never received it from my parents.) Can you give me some tips about what to do?

I’ve got great news: I don’t recommend that parents give their kids “the talk.” Feel relieved yet? Honestly, if you think having the talk is scary for you, just ask your kids! Nobody likes it — and for good reason! I have found this one-time, pressure-focused, anxiety-ridden conversation is overrated and really ineffective because parents are too nervous, teens zone out, and, often, it’s given far too late. So instead, here are four tips to help you through.

Have small talks

I strongly urge parents to have smaller, more manageable talks about sex and sexuality as your kids grow up so that they (and you) can get comfortable answering bigger questions. The key is that you want your kids to guide you when and how deep you go in this topic.

I have 4-year-old twins and my one son already asked me if “Mommy has a penis.” When I explained that I don’t (because I’m a girl and he is a boy) — he looked amazed and then off he went to play with his trains.

I thought to myself — sex education has started in our home today! Later that day, he said to me, “Oh, Mommy, I have so many questions!” and I responded, “Great — I want to be the person you come to with all your questions!”

Use media around you

While I understand why you don’t feel comfortable talking about sex (since this was not modeled for you by your parents), it’s still extremely important that you face your fears and address this topic gradually with your kids. I’ve learned that if parents are uncomfortable talking about sex, kids won’t come to them with their questions and will instead go to their friends and social media for answers (which may give inaccurate or inappropriate information).

For your older kids, try using media around you to start up the conversation. For example, the next time you watch a TV show or movie showing teens being sexually active, ask your teens what they think about it (see tip three for more guidance). Using media is a great way to start up the conversation.

One client’s son (age 14) asked his dad “Is sex really good?” because he saw it on a billboard while driving in the car. The dad said it was one of their most honest conversations, and it all started thanks to a media advertisement!

Talk about values

In school, your kids will often learn about sex education, the importance of protection, sexually-transmitted diseases, and the other mechanical aspects of sex. It’s important that they know this information. However, in addition, it’s important to talk about the value of sex. What are their values? Do they want to wait till they are: 16, in love, in college, married, dating a person for a minimum of three months?

Many teens will have some ideas, but talking it out helps to articulate it. It’s important to have your kids think about their values in advance so that they know how they want to respond. Remember: don’t tell your kids what to think, teach them how to think, especially with this topic.

Develop a great relationship with a health care provider

Once you’ve covered more of the emotional aspects of sex, make sure your kids have the right information on the physical side of sex. Many pre-teens and teens believe myths about sex (for example, that you can’t get pregnant the first time). It’s important that your kids develop a relationship with a great health care provider with whom they can build a rapport and who can answer some of those specific questions. Then, if they do decide to be sexually active, they have a relationship with someone whom they can go to, in addition to you.

Dr. Karyn is one of North America’s leading relationship and parenting experts. A national media consultant, motivational speaker to more than a quarter million people and author of “Dr. Karyn’s Guide to the Teen Years” (Harper Collins) — Dr. Karyn’s style is passionate and pragmatic. Visit www.drkaryn.com for more information.

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By Lisa J. Curtis

Celebrate Earth Day with Recess Music’s “La Bella Stella” CD. It’s struck the right chord in its combination of education and entertainment in kiddie music.

All 15 tracks touch on the wonders of our universe. It’s recommended for kids ages 4–11, but parents will enjoy the diverse array of tunes, too! Rocknoceros’s “Pluto” relays how the former planet became a pint-sized one; AudraRox laments that “Gravity” is keeping her down; and Andy Z croons that the Milky Way is more than a candy bar in “Galaxy Song.”

There’s more good news ! A portion of the proceeds will be donated to the McAuliffe-Shepard Discovery Center in Concord, N.H. “La Bella Stella” CD, $12.99 plus $2.98 for shipping and handling. Visit www.recessmusic.com.

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By Rebecca McKee

April is Autism Awareness Month. What this means is that agencies, governments, schools, families, and others worldwide will shift their focus and take a closer look at this pervasive developmental disorder. But what can we actually do, as individuals, to increase positive awareness during the month of April — and all year long?

Young kids

Children, from preschool through the intermediate years, can personally touch the lives of their friends living with autism. Many times, a family who has a child with special needs may be hesitant to initiate common neighborhood interactions. Random acts of kindness from other families with children of similar ages are all it takes. If your child is having a lemonade sale, take the time to organize this with the parent of an autistic child. Teach your child to share a Matchbox car in the park with the child who makes noises. Two children sitting side by side on a swing enjoying a popsicle is priceless, even if one has a 20-word vocabulary and the other reads long novels about Harry Potter.

Teens

Preteens and teenagers are tuned in to those in school who need special support. Earning community service credit by volunteering in special education classrooms does a world of good for all students — both those with special needs and the volunteers. Just like typical teenagers, teens with autism prefer not to have a “baby sitter.” However, many teenagers with autism need to have support from others. Utilizing the assistance of an older teen or college student for social activities is a great way for a person with autism to experience the fun and excitement of the real world with a friend. Simple gestures, such as being a text or e-mail buddy, go a long, long way toward helping someone feel included and happy.

Adults

We can promote awareness and sensitivity this April, next April, and all year long. It is the little gestures that count. For example, when having a BBQ in your backyard, be aware of the needs of all of your guests. People with autism have sun-sensitivity, so having an area set in the shade with some age-appropriate items will be appreciated.

If you are venturing out to see a movie with children, ask a parent of a child with special needs if she would like to join in with her child. Most, if not all, people with special needs (especially autism) live for videos. Having a chance to go to the movies with a group of peers is a super social opportunity, without the pressure of conversation!

Include other mothers and fathers in your neighborhood of special happenings at the local public schools. Some children with autism attend schools outside of their neighborhood. Keeping these families on an e-mail chain provides information on local social events.

• • •

Try to make an effort to enjoy each month with your children, as they are each special to you. April is a month dedicated to those children and adults who live with autism spectrum disorder, and how we can enjoy special moments with them, too.

For more information on how you can volunteer, contact your local school’s special education PTA, Autism Speaks, or a local chapter of Special Olympics.

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By Lee Chabin, Esq.

If your marriage has been rocky for some time, it can be the most obvious thing in the world that divorce is inevitable, and that nothing can keep you and your spouse together. Perhaps divorce proceedings have begun, and in your eyes, there is no going back. But your children may have a totally different perspective — unrealistic as it may be.

Is the current separation a rerun? Have your children seen one of you leave, and later return? Maybe you or your spouse left briefly after a particularly bad argument, and then were back in a day or two. Perhaps you tried a trial separation, and then gave the relationship another go after that. Maybe you’ve been talking about ending the marriage for awhile, but you’re still together. If so, the children have observed that the family has stayed together, despite the arguments or separations, so why should this time be different?

When you consider that most children want the family to stay together, it’s easier to understand why many of them can make themselves believe that this wish will come true. Even if there has been a great deal of yelling and discord, the family being together is at least familiar, and that means a lot, including at least a certain amount of security, in most instances.

A parent leaving is difficult and painful for children to think about; to them, it means that Mom or Dad won’t be around much anymore. And so, the idea of the family remaining united, even if far from ideal, can be one they cling to tenaciously.

Have your children helped to shape the marital relationship? For instance, have they repeatedly interfered with your plans for a parents’ night out together? If so, children who have learned that they can create distance between their parents may believe, understandably, that they have the power to reunite them as well.

If you and your spouse have come together in the past, let’s say when a child was having trouble at school, or was sick, that experience may suggest to your child that having or causing some difficulty may bring you together again. Of course, you shouldn’t jump to the conclusion that any new problem is by design. Health issues in particular should be taken seriously. But, even if a child creates a problem to unite parents, you really shouldn’t blame him. In such instances, not only are children doing what makes sense to them, but also, in a sense, are doing what you taught them to do, even if unintentionally.

Have one of you made your own fantasy your child’s fantasy as well? Have you or your spouse been holding onto the hope that the marriage can be saved? If one parent hasn’t accepted that the divorce will happen, perhaps that parent has been vague in talking with the children about it, giving them hope when there isn’t any.

Worse yet, maybe that parent has been telling the children that the family can stay as it is or return to what it was, even telling them that they can help in making that happen. To avoid (or reverse) emotional problems, children must be helped to move forward and accept the new reality.

What to do:

In an age-appropriate manner (and when the time comes), the children need to be told:

• Mom and Dad will be living apart, and this will be permanent (assuming this isn’t a trial separation).

• This was an adult decision. Children don’t make these decisions, and can’t change them.

Further, to address issues of self-blame and insecurity, let them know:

• You (the children) didn’t cause Mom and Dad to start living apart.

• We (the parents) both love you and will continue to both take care of you (assuming that this is true).

Repeating these messages on occasion should comfort children, and help them to accept the difficult changes that are coming.

Lee Chabin, Esq., a divorce mediator and collaborative divorce lawyer, helps clients end their relationships respectfully and without going to court. Contact him at lee_chabin@lc-mediate.com or (718) 229-6149, or go to lc-mediate.com/home.

Disclaimer: All material in this column is for informational purposes only.

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By Christine M. Palumbo, RD

As Joseph Marek and his wife, Kathy, raised their four children, they’ve been careful to instill good eating habits right from the beginning.

“The origin of heart disease starts in childhood. And our dietary habits start when we’re kids,” he says.

Marek should know. He’s a cardiologist with Midwest Heart Specialists and Medical Director of Young Hearts for Life® Cardiac Screening Program, both of which are in suburban Chicago.

New guidelines, issued in November by the National Heart, Lung, and Blood Institute and endorsed by the American Academy of Pediatrics, recommend first testing a child’s cholesterol level between ages 9 and 11. Children with elevated levels should begin lifestyle changes.

Most people know heart-healthy eating is about reducing saturated and trans fats by cutting back on fatty meats, sausages and hot dogs, fried foods, and full-fat dairy. But did you know that by including certain foods, you can improve the effectiveness of a low-fat diet?

A study published in the Journal of the American Medical Association found that by adding a portfolio of cholesterol-lowering foods to an otherwise heart-healthy diet reduced the subjects’ low-density lipoprotein cholesterol by about 13 percent. Those who simply lowered their saturated and trans fat intake lowered their low-density lipoprotein by three percent.

Let’s take a look at a few child-friendly foods that provide heart benefits to the entire family:

• Beans. These protein rich vegetables are an excellent source of dietary fiber that keep cholesterol low. If you’re thinking there’s no way your offspring will ever eat whole beans, consider these forms: hummus with pita bread or crackers, or as a substitute for mayo on sandwiches. Think black bean dip or even fat-free refried beans as a side.

• Salmon. Rich in omega-3 fats, this low-mercury fish can be microwaved, baked, or grilled. Save money by stocking up on the canned variety when it’s on sale and make salmon salad instead of tuna. Canned salmon is almost always wild caught.

• Popcorn. Three cups of popped popcorn is a serving of whole grain and a tasty snack. It’s pennies per serving if you pop your own using a stovetop popper, and a little heart-healthy oil like canola, or even olive oil. To avoid choking, children should be at least 4 before they are allowed to eat it, according to a policy statement by the American Academy of Pediatrics.

• Concord grape juice. More than a decade’s worth of research suggests that the polyphenols found in 100 percent grape juice act as antioxidants. A four-ounce glass counts as one serving of fruit and contains no added sugar.

• Nuts. While walnuts are often touted as being most beneficial for heart health, the Food and Drug Administration has approved health claims for hazelnuts, peanuts, pine nuts, pistachios, and walnuts. Nut skins are where the greatest amount of beneficial phenols reside. Avoid giving nuts to very young children to avoid choking.

• Oats. A steaming bowl of old-fashioned oatmeal with a bit of brown sugar and butter on a chilly morning hits the spot and keeps arteries clean, too. Or, turn oats into flour by whirling it in the blender and adding it to meatballs, meatloaf, stuffed peppers, and baked goods like quick breads and cookies.

• Soy protein. Look for soy with minimal processing. For example, cut-up cubes of tofu are soothing to a teething child and easy to eat. Fresh or frozen edamame that are steamed are fun for kids to snack on, or you can add them to stir fry.

“It’s a constant battle to develop healthy eating habits when they’re kids,” adds Dr. Marek. “I think this starts with the parents. They have to start with their diet, and the children will follow.”

Barbecue Salmon

INGREDIENTS:

1 pound salmon steak fillets with the skin on one side

Non-stick spray

½ cup barbecue sauce

DIRECTIONS: Light the grill. Heat to 350 degrees or medium heat. Spray grill generously with non-stick spray. Grill the salmon, skin side down, over moderate heat until the skin is lightly charred and crisp, about five minutes. Spread a layer of your favorite BBQ sauce on the fish. Turn the salmon. When turning, slide the salmon steak from the skin. The skin will stay on the grill and you can flip the steak. Now apply more sauce. Grill until just cooked thoroughly, four to five minutes longer. Transfer the fish to a platter.

Recipe provided by Kathy Marek.

“I found that by adding the familiar taste of barbecue sauce, they were more apt to try it,” she says. “Over the years, this has become one of our favorite ways to eat salmon.”

NUTRITION FACTS: 230 calories, 11 grams carbohydrate, 26 grams protein, 8 grams fat (1.5 saturated, 2.7 grams omega-3), 70 milligrams cholesterol, 320 milligrams sodium.

Christine M. Palumbo, RD, is the former cardiology dietitian at the University of Chicago Medical Center and a current member of Welch’s Health and Nutrition Advisory Panel. She can be reached at Chris@ChristinePalumbo.com.

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Everyone should know:

• Bullying is a power issue. It’s about preying on the weak and on those who may be “different.”

• Bullying has moved out of the schoolyard and onto the Internet and mobile phones. Cyber bullying is the fastest growing method students use to bully others.

• It takes a village. Children who are bullying others need to understand that everyone is watching — parents, teachers, neighbors, church members, coaches, troop leaders, etc. — and will speak up when their behavior is inappropriate.

• Kids fall into three roles: the bully, the victim, and the witness. The witnesses who do not speak up against bullying provide an audience that encourages the bully.

• Speaking up against a specific bullying incident or pattern takes courage and can result in repercussions for the victim or witness. To keep them safe, protect the students’ anonymity.

Parents should know:

• Just as you teach a child personal hygiene, ethics, and good behavior, you need to teach him that bullying is wrong and that witnessing a bully calls for action. What action? At a minimum, tell an adult.

• There are warning signs that may indicate your child is being bullied, or may be bullying others. Become familiar with them. You can find warning signs at stopbullying.gov.

• Have regular conversations about all of those topics that are uncomfortable for both you and your child — such as bullying, drugs, sex. Acknowledge that these are difficult conversations for both of you, but that you are going to have them anyway.

• You are your child’s advocate. If you suspect or know your child is being bullied, your job includes engaging school staff and others to help support your child through this bad time. Visit the school frequently. Get to know teachers and other staff before problems occur.

• Monitor and supervise your child’s online and cellphone activities, set boundaries, and let him know you are monitoring him. It’s the best way to know that he is neither bullying nor being bullied, sexting, sharing passwords, or compromising his privacy, safety, and security.

Here are some links about how to monitor:

• How much should you monitor? At childhelp.org.

• Spying or monitoring? At about.com.

• Four things to help protect kids online at Microsoft Safety and Security Center at microsoft.com.

• Overview of monitoring cellphone use at education.com.

Kids should know:

• No one deserves to be bullied. It is harmful and can have long-lasting repercussions.

• It’s difficult to deal with bullying by yourself. Ask for help from your friends, parent, or an adult you trust or know has been assigned to deal with bullying.

• Doing nothing says you think it’s OK to bully another person. Take a stand against bullying.

• If someone gets upset with your behavior toward others, even if you think you’re just being funny, you may be bullying. Stop, reflect, and talk about it with someone you trust.

Additional links for kids:

• That’sNotCool.com.

• StopBullying.gov.

Teachers should know:

• Early and immediate intervention to resolve conflicts will minimize bullying and support victims. Find tips at stopbullying.gov.

• Dealing with bullying is a team effort. Learn all you can about bullying through research and recommended interventions.

• There needs to be a designated leader who serves as a resource for staff and students and keeps track of incidents. Kids should know who that person is and that anonymity will be protected.

• Your attention needs to extend beyond the schoolhouse or program doors to include the school neighborhood, Internet, and texting.

For a cyberbullying toolkit for educators, visit common sense media at commonsensemedia.org.

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By Kiki Bochi

You can’t help but smile at that soft snoring sound your baby makes while snoozing — it’s almost like purring. And who can resist that? If your child is older and makes a bit more of a racket, you may smile indulgently. Sounds a lot like Dad, right?

Snoring on the part of your child should not just be a source of enchantment and amusement, however. It turns out, it may be a sign of trouble.

Children who snore or who have other sleep-related breathing problems are more likely to have behavioral issues years later, according to a large population-based study in the April issue of the medical journal “Pediatrics.”

More than most parents realize, that sweet snoring may be impeding children’s ability to sleep, which can have serious behavioral consequences. An estimated one in 10 children snore regularly; while between 2 and 4 percent have sleep apnea, defined as abnormally long pauses in breathing during sleep.

For the study, researchers at the University of Maryland and the Albert Einstein College of Medicine in New York asked parents about their children’s snoring, mouth breathing, observed apnea, and their behavior. They started tracking 11,000 6-month-old children, and continued periodically until they reached age 7. Upon analysis, the link between sleep and behavior problems was startling.

By age 4, children with sleep-disordered breathing were 20 percent to 60 percent more likely to have behavioral difficulties such as hyperactivity, aggressiveness, emotional symptoms, and difficulty with peer relationships. By age 7, they were 40 percent to 100 percent more likely. The more pronounced the symptoms reported by parents, the worse the behavioral challenges, the study found. What’s more, behavior issues were not always immediately obvious; sometimes it took years for them to emerge.

The study authors concluded that sleep-disordered breathing early in life has strong effects on behavior later in childhood, possibly because this is a critical period of brain development and there is the greatest need for sleep.

Disordered breathing causes abnormal gas exchange, interferes with sleep’s restorative processes, and disrupts the cellular and chemical balance in the body.

The study findings suggest that snoring and snorting during sleep may require attention as early as the first year of life. If you notice your little one is sleeping less than peacefully, be sure to mention it to your pediatrician.

KiKi Bochi is the mother of two and an award-winning writer and editor who specializes in family topics.

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By Jocelyn Greene

Looking for a fun activity to spark your kids’ imaginations? Children love to be entertained, and they especially love to take part in their own amusements. Luckily, there are two great theater games that will entertain them and let their imaginations soar.

One great game that even works for just two people is “story clap.” It’s inspired by Viola Spolin, an important innovator of the American theater in the 20th century.

Here’s how to play:

One person starts with an opener that puts us in the fairy tale or fable mind-set, as in “Once upon a time, there lived a firefly who didn’t know she was a firefly…” or, “In a deep forest there was a witch who loved to make soup out of…”

That storyteller then claps, which passes it to the next person. It is that person’s job to continue where the first person left off, then pass it on to the next person, and so on. The game continues in this fashion until the story reaches a natural end.

You’ll be surprised at how creative the story becomes as the tellers feel inspired by the collective voice of the group.

As you play the game more and more, experiment with the length of the story chunk you tell. Archetypes — such as princesses, witches, animals, dragons — are great to play off of, and you can combine elements of your children’s favorite books and characters. This game is also a great way to air an issue that may have come up at home, so kids can give voice to their feelings.

As the adult in the group, it is important that you help direct the story. Set up a conflict and then help it toward resolution. With kids ages 4 –6, it’s a good idea to designate the adult as the clapper to keep the action going. You’ll be amazed by how much they already understand story structure, and how excited they are to create their own tales with you.

In my experience, we end up physically re-telling the story, but it is a great activity all on its own for winding down at bedtime, on car trips, or at a family gathering. On rainy days, you can help the kids write the story on paper and they can illustrate it!

Another great game is “ACTive reading” — a reading aloud game in which kids get to play the parts in the stories.

Let your child create the environment of the book. Let him explore the way the ocean sounds while you read “Mariana and the Merchild: A Folktale from Chile.” Playfully whistle and whoosh the sounds of the sea and the wind with him, or create whale calls and dolphin whistles. Then, have your child quietly continue the ocean soundtrack while you read aloud — the effect can be quite hauntingly beautiful.

When reading “Make Way for Ducklings,” watch what happens when your child acts out the traffic and noisy streets of Boston, or creates the quacks of the duck family? How about the sounds of the monkeys in “The Hatseller and the Monkeys,” or the monsters in “Where the Wild Things Are?” You may come up with sounds that are funny, or some that are eerie. You’ll be surprised by the way your child astutely hears his world and gives voice to his imagination.

Most children are eager to play the parts in the stories they read. If they read themselves, they enjoy following along while you read, and getting the chance to say the words of a certain character. Whether you are reading “Horton Hears a Who,” or the Harry Potter books, there will likely be a character with whom they identify. Let them cast themselves and say their characters’ dialogue while you read the rest. They will be living inside the story in a very exciting way. For a moment in time, the characters’ journeys become theirs. If they aren’t reading yet, gently prompt them with the character’s lines and let them interpret the rest.

In this way, you enter into a kind of dialogue with your child, even while you are reading. He’ll feel connected to the world of the book because he is a part of creating it, and he’ll feel connected as you both tell the story. He’ll also be having a lot of fun, which is always the bottom line!

Jocelyn Greene is the founder and executive director of the theater program Child’s Play NY. She also runs the after-school acting programs at Packer Collegiate Institute, the Berkeley Carroll School, and Greene Hill School.

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By Christine M. Palumbo, RD

The minute I learned I was pregnant during each of my pregnancies, I cut out coffee (and wine) and otherwise spruced up my diet. My objective? Do everything I could in my power to get baby off to a good start.

Every mother-to-be wants the best for her baby, so let’s take a look at the latest nutritional recommendations.

Go-to nutrients

• Choline. This B-vitamin plays a key role in developing the hippocampus, the memory center of the brain. It’s also involved with building the neural tube and central nervous system. Egg yolks are a particularly rich source. Find smaller amounts in beef, poultry, pork, and fish, as well as pistachio nuts.

• DHA omega-3. DHA is the building block of our brains, according to Tara Guidas, MS, RD, author of “Pregnancy Cooking & Nutrition for Dummies”® and the mother of two preschool-aged sons.

“Aim for low mercury, high omega-3 fishes like salmon or sardines or take a supplement,” she advises.

• Folate. This B-vitamin is needed to prevent birth defects even before you’re pregnant. Take a prenatal, multivitamin, or folic acid supplement when you’re trying to get pregnant. Eat folate-rich foods like asparagus, spinach, orange juice, and legumes.

• Iron. Blood volume increases and so do iron needs. Meat is the best source, due to its highly absorbable form of this mineral.

• Protein. You need a significant amount of additional protein to support the growth of the baby. Aim for things like Greek yogurt, lean meats, and beans to meet these needs.

• Vitamin D. “Most women enter into pregnancy deficient in this vital nutrient, and you need more when you’re pregnant,” states Guidas. “Supplements are the best way to get it.”

Steer clear of these

Guidas points to three categories of foods that pose a safety risk: Anything unpasteurized, such as milk, cheese, or freshly squeezed juices; undercooked or raw meats, fish, seafood, or poultry; and raw or runny eggs.

Cravings

Food cravings are normal, and for the most part, hormonal, according to Guidas.

“They don’t necessarily mean you are ‘deficient’ in a nutrient if you are craving it. For example, you may not be deficient in iron if you’re craving a steak.” She suggests you enjoy that food. “Go with the cravings and have small amounts of the foods you are craving, as long as it’s not a dangerous food or a non-food substance.” As every mom of two knows, every pregnancy is different, so don’t be surprised if one pregnancy finds you with extreme cravings and the next with not much at all.

If food allergies run in the family

Guidas says if food allergens run in the family, it’s best to limit them during pregnancy. However, with no history of allergies, “there is no need to limit milk, eggs, peanuts, soy, or any of the other common allergens.”

In two studies presented at the American Academy of Allergy, Asthma, and Immunology’s annual meeting in March, researchers found that nursing mothers who attempt to ward off allergies by eliminating high-risk foods did not reduce the development of food allergies in their children.

Post delivery

After baby arrives and the new moms get into a rhythm, many are anxious to get their bodies going back to normal. Guidas suggests patience.

“Don’t expect too much too soon. Make sure you rest and recover,” she says. Guidas recommends drinking plenty of fluids, as well as eating to keep your strength up.

“Focus on nutrient-rich foods like lean meats, low-fat dairy, whole grains, and of course, lots of fruits and veggies. Eat small meals and frequent snacks so you give your body energy consistently throughout the day.”

Christine M. Palumbo is a registered dietitian in Naperville, Ill. who experienced stronger food aversions than she did cravings during each of her three pregnancies. Find her on Facebook at Christine Palumbo Nutrition or contact her at Chris@ChristinePalumbo.com.

Spinach, Egg, and Cheese Sandwich

Prep time: 5 minutes

Cook time: About 10 minutes

Makes one serving

INGREDIENTS:

Nonstick cooking spray

½ cup fresh spinach, stems removed

½ cup chopped fresh mushrooms

1 egg

1 slice Swiss cheese

1 whole wheat bagel thin

DIRECTIONS:

Spray a small skillet with nonstick cooking spray and heat it over medium heat. Add the spinach and mushrooms to the skillet and cook until soft, about two to three minutes.

While the vegetables are cooking, mix the egg in a small bowl with a fork. Remove the vegetables from the skillet and set them aside.

Add the egg to the hot skillet, and cook it until it’s no longer runny, about four minutes, flipping or stirring halfway through. Place the cheese on top of the egg and heat until melted, about one minute.

Toast the bagel thin in a toaster. Add the egg and cheese to the bottom half of the bagel thin. Top that with the sauteed vegetables and the other half of the bagel thin.

Vary it! Use asparagus in place of spinach if you want a different flavor, or if you want to take advantage of it while it’s in season.

NUTRITION FACTS: Calories 305; fat 14 g (saturated 7 g); cholesterol 239 mg; sodium 340 mg; carbohydrate 28 g (dietary fiber 6 g); protein 22 g; iron 2 mg; calcium 354 mg; folate 75 mcg.

Excerpted from “Pregnancy Cooking & Nutrition For Dummies”®, with permission from publisher John Wiley & Sons, Inc.

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By Jenny Chen

We all know that sleep is important for growing children, and that they often aren’t getting enough shut-eye. But a recent report shows just how serious the problem might be. Yet, even if you get your kids to bed on time, they may have trouble falling asleep. The culprit? Increased use of technology.

The results of a survey conducted by the Centers for Disease Control show that 68.9 percent of children in the United States don’t get enough sleep. Students who get less than eight hours of sleep per night are 86 percent more likely to seriously consider suicide, and 60 percent more likely to smoke cigarettes or drink alcohol. Sleep deprivation also leads to memory loss, poor focus, and weight gain. In recent years, studies have suggested that habitual Internet use and computer gaming can lead to lost sleep.

“Sleep is really important, but it seems to take a backseat these days. Media and electronics are available 24-seven, and it makes it harder to go to sleep,” says Kyla Boyse, a registered nurse with the University of Michigan and a mother of three.

At her clinic, Boyse has seen first-hand the effects of electronics on quality of sleep for growing children and teens. She recommends that parents remove all electronics from the bedroom. That means TVs, computers, and even cellphones and their chargers have to go. Even when kids are not using the electronics, the devices emit high levels of electromagnetic radiation, which disrupts melatonin production — a key player in sleep pattern regulation. Bright, unnatural light from electronic screens can also stimulate the brain and disrupt circadian rhythms.

In fact, electronics are so powerful in affecting a child’s quality of sleep that Dr. Victoria Dunckley, a child and adolescent psychiatrist in California and blogger for Psychology Today, recommends a three-week electronic fast for all her patients who have sleep problems. Among her patients who have prior behavioral or mental problems, Dunckley sees a 50 percent decrease in symptoms relating to poor sleep after the fast. Among regularly developing children, she sees nearly a 100 percent decrease in symptoms relating to trouble sleeping. Young children are particularly sensitive to the negative effects of electronics, because their brains are still forming.

“It really makes a difference. If it didn’t make such a big difference, I wouldn’t be so radical about it,” says Dunckley. “Disrupting the circadian rhythm even 30 minutes a week can ... upset everything.”

Of course, this is even if your child goes to sleep at bedtime. But many of today’s children and teens eschew sleep for engrossing video games, texting conversations, and Facebooking. According to the American Academy of Pediatrics, 75 percent of teens use cellphones at night when they should be sleeping, and after 9 pm, 34 percent of adolescents reported text messaging, 44 percent reported talking on the telephone, 55 percent reported being online, and 24 percent played computer games. Media use also often stimulates the brain, which makes it harder to sleep hours after you’ve turned your electronic devices off.

Furthermore, electronics use often displaces physical activity, which helps in promoting high-quality sleep. The National Wildlife Federation reported in 2011 that playing outdoors increases a child’s exposure to natural daylight and exercise, which can lead to a marked increase in quality of sleep.

Lack of sleep is nothing to snore at. The 10 hours that children are supposed to get at night help them strengthen their immune systems, process emotion-laden memories into their long-term memory, and grow. Sleep deprivation actually interferes with the production of the human growth hormone. Studies have also suggested that children’s sleep habits set the foundation for sleep habits into the adolescent and adult years.

But what if your child has schoolwork to finish? Surely a couple hours of sleep sacrificed in the name of studying, often on the computer, is no big loss. Dunckley disagrees. She says that electronics actually suppress the frontal lobe and cortex. The frontal lobe is linked to long-term memory and other higher mental functions, such as recognizing long-term consequences for actions. The cerebral cortex also plays an important role in memory, attention, language, thought, and consciousness. In other words, children who use electronics too much and don’t get enough sleep will actually not do as well in school, and will have trouble developmentally.

Never mind the schoolwork, Dunckley says, your child’s health is the number one priority.

Of course, in a world of smartphones, over scheduling, and busy parents, how does one begin to limit a child’s use of electronics? Here are some tips:

• Set a good example. Try to do all your work during the day, and turn off your electronics after dinner. Not only will it set a good example for your children, it will help you relax as well.

• Limit screen time to two hours a day. Dunckley says that limiting all screen time (this includes computers at school, TV, video games, etc.) to two hours significantly reduces sleep problems.

• Discourage electronics use after 7 pm. When it starts getting dark, your body naturally begins preparing itself for bedtime, and artificial light can confuse it.

• Get outside. For every hour of screen time Dunckley recommends an hour of outdoor activity. “The benefits of outdoor activity can help offset the negative impacts of electronics,” she says.

• Take electronics out of the bedroom. Kids who learn to fall asleep in front of the TV never actually achieve deep sleep because their brain is still being stimulated. But Boyse says that there’s no need to go cold turkey all at once. First, take the TV out of the bedroom, then the computer, and then the cellphone. Before long, your child won’t even miss the devices!

• Be firm. Boyse acknowledges that there might be some whining and balking on the part of the kids when you first try to limit electronic use.

“But one thing that parents need to remember,” says Boyse, “is you’re the parent, and it’s up to the parent to do what’s right for the kid.”

Jenny Chen is a freelance writer. She has written for Washington Parent and Parent Connection.

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In addition to bleeding hearts, flowering quince and bridalwreath, art will be blooming at Wave Hill public garden and cultural center in April.

Every weekend, Wave Hill is hosting “Family Art Project,” where children and parents get to explore their creative side, tour the grounds, and then make unique projects.

“Family Art Project” in the Ecology Building at Wave Hill [West 249th Street and Independence Avenue in Riverdale, (718) 549-3200 ext. 395], April 1, 7, 8, 14, 15, 21, 22, 28, and 29, from 10 am till 1 pm. Free with admission, which is also free until noon on Saturdays. For info, visit www.wavehill.org.

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By Mary Carroll Wininger

Dyslexia may be one of the most well-known and yet least understood of all the learning disorders. But many authorities in the field have begun to view dyslexia simply as a different way of absorbing and processing information, with its own inherent set of abilities and gifts.

The common misconception is that dyslexia is characterized primarily by mirror writing (writing certain letters backwards) and rearranging letters when reading (reading “was” for “saw”), when, in fact, these behaviors only occur in a very small percentage of dyslexics.

The disorder is actually more frequently observed through other signs, such as difficulty with rhyming words in very young children, word or letter omission when writing and reading, and substitution of similar-looking words to replace the ones intended (“help” for “held,” “who” for “how”). For these reasons, dyslexia has often been seen as a burden or a weakness — or even a condition to be overcome. But, now, experts and evaluators are starting to realize that the so-called disability can be accompanied by an array of skills and talents not understood or even noticed before now.

Two Seattle-based physicians, husband-and-wife duo Drs. Brock and Fernette Eide, have written a book that details the valuable features that can manifest in a dyslexic person. The book, “The Dyslexic Advantage: Unlocking the Hidden Potential of the Dyslexic Brain,” discusses how the dyslexic brain is different, the unique capabilities it can possess, and the different ways a dyslexic person can maximize his full aptitude.

“[W]e’ve come to believe that thinking of dyslexia as simply a disorder of reading and spelling is both deeply incomplete and misleading,” says Dr. Brock Eide. “Usually, dyslexic individuals are thought of as having brains that are trying hard to learn and work just like everyone else’s, but are failing because they’re defective in some way.”

After working with and speaking to hundreds of dyslexic individuals, the doctors have witnessed, again and again, that dyslexics “share many desirable and useful features in how they learn and process information.”

In the book, the doctors detail four common areas of dyslexia-associated talents, which they call the MIND strengths: material, or spatial, reasoning; interconnected reasoning, or the ability to see connections and relationships, particularly big-picture relationships; narrative reasoning, or the ability to see facts as stories, cases, or examples, rather than abstract, non-contextual information; and dynamic reasoning, the ability to use bits of remembered experience to make predictions about how things will change over time, which, the doctors write, “helps dyslexics function well in situations where the conditions are changing or all the facts are not completely known.”

These strengths can serve dyslexics well, in the fields of architecture, design, and surgical medicine (material); visual art (interconnected); law (narrative); and the sciences (dynamic).

“Not every dyslexic individual has these strengths…in our experience all have at least some, and each of these tends to be much more common in dyslexic than non-dyslexic individuals,” reports Dr. Brock Eide. “It’s important to recognize and understand these strengths, because we’ve found that dyslexic individuals who succeed in adulthood usually do so, because they’ve learned how to take full advantage of one or more of these strengths, and not just because they’ve fully overcome dyslexic challenges with reading or spelling.

“Typically, they’ve learned to only use these strengths to work around their weaknesses, rather than letting their weaknesses define who they are or what they are capable of achieving.”

How, then, can dyslexic individuals be assisted to embrace their full potential, seeing as how they’re capable of so much? In an ideal world, say the doctors, the current educational system would be different, and geared more toward students of all learning abilities.

“We need to focus much more heavily on understanding and taking advantage of how the brains of dyslexic students actually work, rather than teaching them as if the goal were to get their brains to work just like everyone else’s,” says Dr. Brock Eide. Dyslexic students follow a “different developmental pattern than other children” and they “need a different kind of education that reflects these differences,” he says.

“Schools cannot just operate on this ‘mode of normal’ and expect all kids to learn well,” confirms Dr. Fernette Eide. “An ideal education needs to be tailored more towards [everyone’s] strengths.”

Mary Carroll Wininger is a writer based in New York City. She is a frequent contributor on topics ranging from etiquette to feng shui.

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By Danielle Sullivan

Have you noticed that the green grass hasn’t quite vanished this year? Whether you were in Central Park or Prospect Park, you may have noticed that, unlike other years when the green shades turned to a dusty brown over the winter months, for the most part, the grass has stayed green all winter long. While pleasing to the eye, the very fact that plants have sustained life since last year could spell out trouble for those of us with seasonal allergies. On top of that, the flowers and trees have budded earlier because of the mild winter — and the spring allergies have arrived earlier, too.

Sandy O’Hara of Murray Hill says her whole family suffers from seasonal allergies. Sandy and her 5-year-old son, Matthew, are allergic to pollen and dust mites, and her husband, Frank has hay fever.

“Early March was particularly bad for my son and me. We were sneezing and our eyes were constantly itchy,” says O’Hara. “We both started on allergy medications earlier in the year than we had in the past.”

The O’Hara’s are not alone. The Asthma and Allergy Foundation of America reports that allergy is the fifth leading chronic disease in the U.S. among all ages, and the third most common chronic disease among children under 18 years old, with an estimated 50 million Americans suffering from all types of allergies. Experts say that the prevalence of allergies is significantly increasing, and although allergies are widespread, they are often the most overlooked disease.

A key part of any treatment plan is to receive the proper diagnosis and management plan for your specific allergy, instead of mixing medications for allergies you may not have.

“One of the most important tips, which might seem self-evident, is to ensure that you are using medications properly,” explains Dr. Scott Gottlieb, director of pain management at Manhattan Eye and Ear Infirmary. “For example, nasal steroids can be very effective for those who suffer from hay fever, but you must start using them well before symptoms appear. They prevent, rather than treat, the symptoms. If you start taking them after your symptoms have kicked in, they will be less effective.”

Along the same lines, it’s vital to fill prescriptions before allergy season, “so that you have your arsenal ready before you begin to suffer,” he says.

“Make sure that you tailor your medications to your symptoms. Many people purchase over-the-counter medications, because the box says ‘allergy,’ and they end up ingesting a medication they don’t need — for example, an allergy pill might contain a decongestant, but you are trying to address itchy eyes. Take care to read all labels, or speak with your physician, to ensure that you are taking something that will address your particular symptoms.”

O’Hara agrees and says that she was on the fence about getting her son allergy tested and hadn’t even considered her common complaints of itchy eyes and post nasal drip to be a problem, but when her son underwent testing, she did, too. Both tested positive for the same pollen allergy and since they’ve been on medication, they have felt considerably better.

Realistically, because pollen counts have started increasing earlier this year, doctors say we can expect symptoms to last longer and be more severe. Symptoms include:

• Itchy, watery eyes

• Sneezing

• Running nose

• Nasal congestion

• Postnasal drip

Treatments such as over-the-counter Allegra pills may provide some relief, but allergy shots deliver the longest-term support.

There are a few easy tips that moms and dads should do daily to help combat allergies in their children (and themselves):

• Avoid outside play on late afternoons when it’s dry and windy, since pollen counts peak under those circumstances

• Take a long shower at the end of the day to wash away any pollen stuck in hair.

Danielle Sullivan, a Brooklyn-born mom of three, has worked as a writer and editor in the parenting world for more than 10 years. She also writes for Babble.com. Find her on Facebook and Twitter @DanniSullWriter, or at her blog, Just Write Mom.

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This summer, thousands of New York children will head to summer camp — eager, excited, and…homesick?

Yep.

Research indicates that homesickness is the norm, and not the exception.

It is common for campers to feel a tinge of homesickness at some point during the camp session. So, how can parents help? By exercising a little preparation and patience, you can help ease any homesickness in your otherwise happy camper.

• Encourage your child’s independence throughout the year. Have your child sleepover at friends’ and relatives’ houses. Being away from home can help simulate the camp experience.

• Involve your child in the process of choosing a camp. The more that the child owns the decision, the more comfortable she will feel being at camp.

• Discuss what camp will be like before your child leaves. Honest discussions about what camp will be like before your child leaves will help prepare her for the camp experience.

• Reach an agreement ahead of time on calling each other. If your child’s camp has a no-phone-calls policy, honor it.

• Send a note or care package to arrive within the first few days of camp. Send a letter from home or a care package, acknowledging you will miss your child in a positive way. For example, the note can say, “I will miss you, but I know you are going to have a wonderful time at camp.”

• Don’t bribe. Linking a successful stay at camp to a material object sends the wrong message. The reward should be your child’s new-found confidence and independence.

• Pack a personal item from home, such as a stuffed animal.

• Avoid the temptation to take the child home early. If your child makes a “rescue call,” offer calm reassurance, and put the time frame into perspective.

• Talk candidly with the camp director to obtain her perspective on your child’s adjustment. Remember, camp staff are trained to ease homesickness and have dealt with homesick children before.

• Don’t feel guilty about encouraging your child to stay at camp. If your child wants to come home, don’t feel bad about encouraging her to stay. For many children, camp is the first experience toward independence, and it plays an important part in their growth and development.

For more, visit the American Camp Association at www.searchforacamp.org, or call (212) 391-5208.

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By Tony Wanich, MD

As youth baseball season approaches, so, too, does the risk of injuries — some of which could require surgery for your little ball player later in life. Injuries sustained in Little League most commonly involve the shoulder and elbow, and are typically due to overuse. The best approach is prevention through appropriate preseason conditioning and training, as well as following safe guidelines for play. With proper precautions, the vast majority of baseball injuries, which are increasingly common among young athletes due to high demands and expectations, can be prevented. Here are some tips that can help prevent injuries.

• Establish a consistent warm-up routine prior to any athletic activity, and include a stretching program where stretches are held for 30 seconds.

• Running is a key component in pre-activity warm-up and preseason conditioning, and it’s an important way for pitchers to develop endurance and stamina, and for position players to develop speed and agility.

• Strength training is essential for baseball players, and special attention needs to be paid to the rotator cuff, biceps, triceps, and forearm muscles.

• The adage that practice makes perfect is not always the case in baseball — it is important to avoid pitching on consecutive days.

• Youth pitchers should focus on developing accuracy and control through good pitching mechanics, and should focus on mastering the fast ball before moving on to other types of pitches.

• Communication between players, parents, and coaches is an easy way to identify problems before they become a more significant injury. Persistent pain, which does not improve with rest, should be evaluated by a sports medicine specialist.

Little League baseball has established a set of age-appropriate, pitch count guidelines that both coaches and parents should follow to avoid overuse injuries. It has also established a set of guidelines regarding the amount of rest needed between games depending on the number of pitches thrown. It is important that parents take these guidelines into consideration, because most injuries can be treated non-operatively if addressed early enough.

Tony Wanich, MD, is the attending surgeon for the Department of Orthopaedic Surgery at Montefiore Medical Center.

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By Lee Chabin

When someone is getting divorced, the concerns are often pretty obvious: the welfare of the children and future relationships with them; a place to live; money; a job; and so forth. But, for many of us, how to respond and be there for someone in this situation is complicated — and not only because of her emotions, but because of our own as well.

Recently, I spoke with a colleague about how friends and family can be supportive when a divorce is taking place, and about the challenges we can face in providing that support. Marie Wetmore, a life and career coach who assists clients dealing with transitions and stress, has heard first-hand what people most want when splitting up.

We discussed how reaching out — even to people we know very well — can be an awkward step. What should we say? What shouldn’t we say? Divorce is a very sensitive topic to bring up. It can seem “too sensitive” — even taboo. And people often don’t know how to handle it. Maybe we’re even worried about getting close, afraid of what another’s divorce may suggest about our own marriages. We wonder, “Could that happen to me?”

We may respond by pulling away, and allowing the relationship to disintegrate.

On the other hand, we may overdo it. When your friend talks about her divorce, do you top her stories with tales of your own, or some War of the Roses story you have heard about? Do you give advice when it hasn’t been asked for, or act like an expert when you’ve read exactly three articles on the subject? If you are not honoring where she is, it may be your friend who pulls away. Without realizing it, you may lose the trust of someone you really care about and want to help.

So, what to do?

There is a middle ground. Don’t back away or drop the relationship. Instead, be sure to be around and available, and answer the phone or call back. Open the door to conversation, but without putting pressure on her. Listen, without judging, because when you’re getting a divorce, just being able to talk is so important. Propose meeting for lunch or doing something else she’ll enjoy. The requirements of day-to-day living can be overwhelming to someone going through a divorce. Offering to help with the practical necessities can alleviate the burden more than one might imagine.

Can you offer to babysit? Of course. For some, the biggest challenge is childcare, so if you can handle that for a few hours, and your friend can attend a therapy session, run errands, or get to an aerobics class, it will be a big help to her.

If you’ve got the contacts or the research skills, offer to check into lawyers, financial planners, or support groups. Maybe a move is planned, and you can help with the packing.

Let her know that mediation is an option, and that she doesn’t have to have a contentious divorce.

Wetmore related how, when a friend was going through a divorce, the woman didn’t know anyone else who had been in her position. When she did eventually find someone to connect with, it helped a lot to have a person who could say, “It was hard, but this is what it’s like, and it’s better now.” So, if you know someone who is divorced and in a good place, and someone else going through it now, ask whether they would like to be hooked up in order to talk.

Many divorcing spouses struggle with a sense of failure. And even those who don’t will still have their fears, frustrations, and disappointments. You should listen and let them vent. But, you can also gently remind them that ultimately, divorce can open up possibilities for creating a happier life. While their emotions will rise and fall like waves, the storm will pass. Make it known that throughout, your love and friendship are constant, and you are there for them.

Lee Chabin, Esq., a Divorce Mediator and Collaborative Divorce Lawyer, helps clients end their relationships respectfully and without going to court. Contact him at lee_chabin@lc-mediate.com, (718) 229-6149, or go to lc-mediate.com/home.

Reach Marie Wetmore at marie@lionssharecoaching.com.

Disclaimer: All material in this column is for informational purposes only.

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By Susan Weiss-Voskidis

We received re-

sponses from readers this month commenting about trash and littering around the city. I was pleased to see that so many people support my contention that we need to create urgency about the condition of our streets. Apparently many of you have clean-up teams going strong in your own neighborhoods and I loved hearing from you about this and hope more of you will contact me with your thoughts.

This May Issue has an annual focus about Arts for Kids and the importance of introducing children early in life to any or all branches of the arts. There is no doubt that exposure and participation in music, theater, dance, or fine art helps imaginations soar, enhances the child’s academic performance and contributes strongly to the future growth of a well rounded person.

Having been myself, both a performer and teacher of performance, married to a musician, the daughter of a singer and a designer, my personal exposure came from the beginning. Other children may have been sung to sleep with a lullaby but for me it was a Verdi aria.

Music was and is a constant in our home. My daughter has grown up with classical music, jazz, opera, world music, R & B, and classic rock from the beginning. Being exposed to it always, she has come to appreciate all of it and I fully believe that someday as a mature adult, she will choose of her own volition to turn on Bach or Puccini, or listen to Ravi Shankar or Flamenco. We have always gone to museums and the walls of our home are adorned with art and photographs and we regularly go to plays and concerts.

I signed her up for dance when she was little and she went on to do it happily for years. The love of the arts is there, deep and solid and there is great respect for those who make art and are thus enhancing our experience here on our planet earth through their work.

Art is universal and there is no culture that doesn’t do art of some kind, although there are cultures where it is so natural a part of everyone’s reality that they have no word for it. It is just what everyone does. When visiting the island of Bali, for example, one finds this surprising but charming truth.

We are brought together through these truths and whether making music together, or creating a mural, or watching a film in a foreign language from a cultural reality far away, we discover the links of a chain that binds our humanity and takes away the strange part of being strangers.

Make sure you and your kids are involved. Dance together and sing and make sure they are given a chance to express their unique inner selves.

Thanks for reading.

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By Cynthia Washam

Crib Notes

Maximum number of hours doctors told Doris and Jean Clarke’s parents their scrawny, newborn, identical twins would live: 24

Birthday the twins celebrated in 2010 at their Australia home: 100

Odds of identical twins living 100 years: 700 million to one

Birthdates of Michigan parents Chad and Barbara Soper’s three children: Aug. 8, 2008; Sept. 9, 2009; Oct. 10, 2010

Number of languages available for BabyFirst Mobile, a video-on-demand iPhone and iPad app with content for babies: 7

Number of words more toddlers who watched educational videos several times a week knew, compared to toddlers who didn’t watch: 0

Cost of Ritmo, a pregnancy belt with built-in speakers for junior’s listening pleasure in the womb: $129.99

Number of American-born babies in 2009 named Barack: 69

Number named Bo, the name of the Obamas’ dog: 782

Number of calories an 150-pound person burns running 15 minutes at a seven-mile-per-hour pace: 196

Number of calories she burns running the same time and pace while pushing a stroller: 250

Price of a 100 percent cashmere baby blanket from Red Envelope: $219.95

Price for one serving of homemade, organic baby food at GustOrganics, a New York City restaurant catering to parents and their toothless charges: $8.95

Sources: Woman’s Day (Australia), USA Today, Professional Services Close-Up, Education Week, Drug Store News, Socialsecurity.gov, My-calorie-counter.com, Livestrong.com, RedEnvelope.com, NYDailyNews.com

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By Lisa J. Curtis

Make sure your kids feet are dry — and stylin’ — in a pair of Keen’s waterproof Coronado rain boots. Available in a variety of smile-inducing patterns for boys and girls, from Grass Print (above); to not-scary Monsters on a field of blue; to Dark Shadow, featuring adorable dogs on a black background, these boots are lined with soft microfleece. Perfect for romping through playgrounds and jumping in puddles, these boots slip on easily with the help of their looped handles. But watch out, they may be so comfy and fun that they’ll soon have your child wishing for rainy days that never go away. Available in sizes 1-6.

Coronado Rain Boot by Keen, $55. For more, visit keenfootwear.com or call (866) 676-5336.

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Start the month off right with a day of fun for the whole family.

On May 5, Jamaica Center for the Performing Arts and Learning hosts Cinco de Mayo Family Fun Day, with hands-on art activities and a performance by the jammin’ musical group Hot Peas ’N Butter.

The fun starts at 1 pm, when kids have the chance to participate in hands-on art workshops. At 2 pm, the Peas take to the stage, blending traditional Latin and Afro-Caribbean music with jazz, folk, and rock for a show that gets the whole family dancing.

RSVP because space is limited — and you do not want to miss this!

Cinco de Mayo Family Fun Day at Jamaica Center for the Arts and Learning [161-04 Jamaica Ave. between 153rd Street and Parsons Boulevard in Jamaica, (718) 658-7400] on May 5, 1–3 pm. Workshop starts at 1 pm; performance starts at 2 pm. Free. Space is limited, please call and register.

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By Terri Schlichenmeyer

Your kids complain about their chores. Every morning, they have to make their beds and straighten up. They help wash the dishes, clean the house, and pitch in with yard work.

They think they’ve got it rough. But as they’ll see in the new book, “Surviving the Hindenburg” by Larry Verstraete, their chores are nothing. At least they don’t put them in the path of danger.

The book tells the story of 14-year-old Werner Franz, who, in 1937, was the youngest crew member on the German airship the Hindenburg, one of the most famous airships in history. Through Werner’s memories, readers will learn the inner workings of the airship and the tragedy that unfolded during the zeppelin’s final voyage.

Werner was very excited to be a cabin boy on the Hindenburg, which, at 13 stories high and more than 800 feet long, was like a big, floating hotel surrounded by fabric cells filled with highly flammable hydrogen. As the youngest crew member, Werner loved working on this great big ship in the sky, and he was finally going to see America!

As a cabin boy, his many duties included making the beds, setting the tables, washing dishes, and cleaning uniforms. Every day, when he was done with his work, he would visit the mechanics who manned the engines or the riggers who worked at the top of the airship. It was a bit of a balancing act to make his way around the airship; the Hindenburg was lined with narrow wooden paths that connected the stern to the bow. One of the paths led to a small window that gave Werner a bird’s-eye view of the Atlantic Ocean, and, on May 6, 1937, an up-high look at New York City as the Hindenburg tried to dock in New Jersey.

It was stormy that day, but people crowded the beaches of New Jersey to watch the mighty Hindenburg’s landing. Werner wished he could watch it, too, but he had dishes to wash.

And then, there was a thump. Dishes scattered and broke, and Werner ran to a wooden pathway as he discovered that the Hindenburg was on fire!

Based on Werner’s own account and other research about this tragic event for which the anniversary looms, “Surviving the Hindenburg” is an interesting tale enhanced by historical information in the front and back pages, which gives young readers an idea of the magnitude of this disaster. In telling this story, Verstraete gives kids someone to identify with: a boy like them who is witness to an event that shocked Americans, and the Germans who made the zeppelin.

What really makes this book are the illustrations by David Geister. With a palette that evokes many emotions in a few pages, Geister’s artwork truly sets the tone.

While it’s generally the size and shape of a preschooler’s picture book, I think “Surviving the Hindenburg” is better suited for children ages 7 to 12. If you’ve got a budding historian in the house, enjoying this book won’t be a chore.

“Surviving the Hindenburg” by Larry Verstraete [32 pages, Sleeping Bear Press, 2012, $16.95] is recommended for children ages 7 to 12.

Terri Schlichenmeyer has been reading since she was 3 years old, and she never goes anywhere without a book. She lives on a hill with two dogs and 12,000 books.

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Get ready to jam with your family at the Fama Jama Sing Song, an exciting new music series featuring six imaginative, interactive, family-friendly New York-based bands.

On April 28, the series kicks off with performances by Junior Jam, Patricia Shih, The Rockdoves, The Fuzzy Lemons, Erin Lee and the Up Past Bedtime Band, and Feldiken. They will be serving up a musically diverse menu of folk, rock, punk, pop, and show tunes at The Westside YMCA Grosvenor House on West 105th Street and Amsterdam Avenue in Manhattan.

Junior Jam is an American Society of Composers, Authors and Publishers award-winning act, featuring songwriter Jeff Eisenberg and singers Adrienne Asterita and Elayne Kessler. Their high-energy live shows are interactive, educational, and fun. Patricia Shih, who has garnered multiple national awards as a singer-songwriter, is also a touring recording artist, author, and TV personality. Using rock, Broadway, jazz, country, and world beats, Shih and her husband, Stephen Fricker, bring her “music with meaning” to all ages. Also in the lineup are The Rockdoves, a family music group who aim to create tunes with artistry, intelligence, humor, and respect for kids and their families. Drawing inspiration from folk, the blues, and rock and roll, The Rockdoves offer an exciting live performance that delights audiences with its blend of education, comedy, and storytelling.

This free event will take place in conjunction with the YMCA’s “Healthy Kids Day,” which will be promoting exercise and helping kids and families make healthy food choices. Weather permitting, the concert will take place atop the Y’s roof, with panoramic views of New York City’s westside.

At the kick-off event, the bands will showcase their sound during short-and-sweet sets, giving families a preview of the full-length shows that each of the buzz-worthy bands will perform throughout the spring. Invite your friends, family, and neighbors to these fun-filled, high energy concerts for all ages!

Fama Jama Sing Song at the Grosvenor House YMCA [176 W. 105th St. at Amsterdam Avenue in Manhattan, (212) 749-8500] April 28 at 1 pm. Free.

Patricia Shih at the Grosvenor House YMCA [176 W. 105th St. at Amsterdam Avenue in Manhattan, (212) 749-8500] May 12, 2 pm. $10 per person, or $30 per family.

The Rockdoves at the Grosvenor House YMCA [176 W. 105th St. at Amsterdam Avenue in Manhattan, (212) 749-8500] May 19, 2 pm. $10 per person, or $30 per family.

Feldiken at the Grosvenor House YMCA [176 W. 105th St. at Amsterdam Avenue in Manhattan, (212) 749-8500] June 9, 2 pm. $10 per person, or $30 per family.

Junior Jam at the Grosvenor House YMCA [176 W. 105th St. at Amsterdam Avenue in Manhattan, (212) 749-8500] June 22, 1 pm. $10 per person, or $30 per family.

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By Carolyn Jabs

This seems to be the year for digital detox. A surprising number of people are blogging (!) about digital overload and their efforts to wean themselves and their families from its harmful effects. Even Google encourages employees to unplug during the workday by providing everything from bicycle paths to on-site massage services.

Our love-hate relationship with technology isn’t new. Every newly introduced tool is embraced by some and denounced by others for undermining traditional values. The truth is that people can lead responsible, rewarding lives with and without technology. The question is always whether a particular tool helps particular people do what they want to do. And, of course, what people want to do varies tremendously depending on personality, stage of life, and many other variables.

Keeping this perspective is especially important — and challenging — for parents whose role as technology gatekeepers changes as kids grow up. For children under 6, parents have to exercise discipline — usually over themselves. How often will you buy a little peace by encouraging your child to watch TV, play video games, or fool with a cellphone? It’s not that young children should never do these things, but that they shouldn’t do them very often. Little kids need three-dimensional play and plenty of time with real people eager to talk to them.

From ages 6 to 12, children benefit from supervised access to technologies that help them succeed in school, make friends, and develop confidence in their own capabilities. Setting and enforcing appropriate limits keeps kids from being sucked into the black hole in which technology extinguishes other interests.

Be sure everyone unplugs during meals and other family events. Keep technology out of bedrooms and enforce reasonable bedtimes. Expect your child to engage in some sort of physical activity every day, whether it’s a team practice or simply walking the dog after dinner.

In adolescence, young people come to terms with who they are. Some people really are exhilarated by marathon gaming sessions or multi-tasking with social media. Others need long stretches of screen-free time to be in touch with their own thoughts. Teens really can’t know what works for them without some experimentation. Parents can help by encouraging kids to think about what matters in their lives. How does technology support their goals? How does it get in the way?

No matter how old a child is, parents can make it clear that use of technology should always be a choice and not a compulsion. In a life that has only so much time, everyone has to use it wisely. Technology is seductive, and sometimes the only way to get perspective is to step away and think about whether it is serving us — or we are serving it. Here are some suggestions about how to do that:

Commit to daily quiet time. It takes discipline to resist the call of e-mail, Facebook, or reality TV, but it’s discipline well worth cultivating. Start by establishing your own device-free time. It might be the first 15 minutes of the day, the stretch between getting home and eating dinner, or the half hour before bed. Consider spending the time in mindful activity — meditating, praying, looking out a window, writing in a gratitude journal. Tell your kids what you are doing. Invite them to join you or to find their own quiet time.

Do your own research. Many schools urge parents to participate in events such as National Day of Unplugging (March 23–24), Digital Detox Week (April 22–28), Screen-Free Week (April 30–May 6), or Fallback Weekend (Nov. 3–4). Events like these offer a built-in opportunity to talk about what technology means in your household.

If unplugging for an entire day or weekend feels like too big a step, use the time to do your own research. Track how long family members spend on video games, television, social networking, online homework, and e-mail. Call a family meeting to discuss your findings and decide whether adjustments should be made. Be open to what your children say about your use of technology.

Consider a digital vacation. A growing number of resorts are making a virtue out of freedom from WI-FI, TV, and even phones. On the Caribbean islands of St. Vincent and the Grenadines, hotel guests actually get a guidebook that reminds them about how to have fun without technology. Of course, your family can get similar results for much less money by going camping (even in the backyard), renting a nearby cabin that’s out of WI-FI range, or booking a vacation at a working farm. (Check out ideas at ruralbounty.com or www.agritourismworld.com.)

The point of these exercises isn’t to demonize technology. TV, video games, social networks, cellphones and all the rest have a legitimate role to play in healthy, happy lives. Still, you and your kids are most likely to achieve digital balance if you take periodic breaks and ask fundamental questions: what are we doing with technology in our family? Is it improving our relationships? Is it crowding out things that matter?

Teaching kids to pause every now and then to ask thoughtful, reflective questions about their digital lives is probably the best way to be sure their long-term relationship with technology will be constructive and enriching.

Carolyn Jabs, MA, raised three computer-savvy kids, including one with special needs. She has been writing Growing Up Online for 10 years. Visit www.growing-up-online.com to read other columns.

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By Tim Perrins

If you are the parent of a newborn baby here in the 21st century, you surely know that there’s a dazzling abundance of technology and information to aid in the wrangling of your tiny new human being. There are smartphone apps that allow you to document every action taken by (or perpetrated on) your child, from feedings to bowel movements to naps. You can attend baby yoga classes, read online articles about overcoming colic, and even watch YouTube videos to learn to decipher the sounds your baby makes, so that you will know exactly what she needs as soon as she makes a peep.

My wife and I have all of these resources at our disposal, and yet there are still times when we cannot keep our wee little girl from crying and screaming like a fun-size banshee.

Sometimes the baby is hungry — I know this because she makes “the hungry sound,” and also because the iPhone app tells me she says so — but just as she’s about to nurse, she suddenly flails her little arms and legs and wails uncontrollably. Then, a minute later, she turns back and suckles contentedly for the next half hour.

After struggling through countless incidents like that one, I finally figured something out. You can meet all of your little one’s needs with ever-greater efficiency, but the bottom line is still this: newborns have a problem with transition. And with good reason — as anyone who has participated in childbirth knows — for babies, that first transition is a doozy.

Childbirth is painful for the woman giving birth. I know this because — throughout labor — my wife conveyed this fact to me quite clearly (not very eloquently, but extremely clearly). On the other hand, nobody really talks about how traumatizing the whole process must be for the baby. I mean, in spite of all her agony, a mother remembers giving birth, but I have yet to meet a single baby who can recall any of it! Until I hear a better explanation from the medical community, I’m assuming this is because babies find the whole ordeal so shocking and traumatic they just block it from their memory. Pretty solid reasoning, no?

Just in case my amateur psychology isn’t that convincing, let’s look at it like this: after the better part of a year in the soothing embrace of her mother’s uterus, bathed in a constant flow of warm liquid, a newborn-to-be is abruptly evicted — forced by intense muscular contractions down a birth canal so narrow that her soft little head must stretch and contort just to fit through.

From there, she is ejected, naked and bewildered, into the cold air and the stark light of day. That is, if she makes it that far; my own dear little peanut, after enduring the torments of labor, had the added peril and indignity of emerging with the umbilical cord wrapped around her neck. (She’s fine, fortunately, but apparently that’s a hazard shared by at least a third of all tiny humans.) It’s a cruel joke, if you’re a baby, that at the instant you’re born, the lifeline that nourished you for so long becomes a deadly snare, waiting to strangle your first breath away from you.

And if that’s not bad enough, there’s more! Even if you have a qualified medical provider on hand who’s experienced with such a dangerous situation — for instance, our wonderful midwife — chances are she’ll turn to the expectant father, who at that moment is so delirious and sleep-deprived that he probably can’t be trusted to sign his own name, and SHE’LL HAND HIM A BIG PAIR OF SCISSORS. Then she’ll point to the thick cord wrapped around the baby’s delicate little neck and say, “you wanna take a whack at that?”

Now, all of that already stacks up to form the Dagwood of trauma sandwiches, but consider one thing more: unlike her parents, a baby suffers through all of these ordeals without the prior benefit of instructional DVDs, “What To Expect” books, advice from other already-born babies, or the indispensable insights of Dr. Oz. The truth is, apart from a vague sense-memory of all those Mozart recordings you dutifully played for her in the womb, and then the horrifying ordeal of birth, your newborn has no experience of anything whatsoever.

So the next time you find yourself exasperated, unable to figure out why your darling baby is shrieking like a hyena and fighting your every effort to put that adorable elephant-print onesie on over her head, take extra pity on her. She may be thoroughly rested, well fed, and properly burped, but based on her very limited understanding of this world, every time she senses the beginning of any kind of transition, she just might be struck with the terrifying feeling that she’s about to be born all over again. It’s going to take her a little while longer to figure out that the terrible past is behind her, and that she’s living in the future now.

Tim Perrins is a part-time stay-at-home dad who lives with his wife and their brand new tiny human in Park Slope, Brooklyn. More of his thoughts about babies and other things that confuse him can be found at www.RevoltOfTheImbeciles.blogspot.com.

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By Joan Emerson, PhD

We can all be sympathetic to someone falling into the addiction trap. Back in the 1960s, when I was growing up, exploring states of altered consciousness was a common rite of passage. This hasn’t changed. When I speak to young men and women these days, many acknowledge smoking weed for pleasure, using uppers to help meet work or school demands, stimulants for pleasure, drinking to help relax, and using downers to calm down and sleep. This often works fine when there’s only one’s self to answer to and current goals are being met.

But, obviously, as life became more serious and demanding, including a committed relationship, the beginning of a career, and even kids, the goal is to get the use of drugs and drink responsibly reduced and under control.

The lucky ones can do this, but we all know people who never fully get their lives back. Sometimes it happens within our own family; I watched my father succumb to the fatal curse of drink and become lost to us, and ultimately lost to himself. If we have the personal experience of watching a life get ruined by this problem — and many of us do — we know it’s something that can’t afford to be ignored. It’s one complicated problem that usually needs support and help from others in order to be thought through.

It’s not uncommon to see couples in counseling where one partner is overdoing, or is even addicted to, drugs or alcohol, and the other doesn’t want to deal with these behaviors anymore. According to a study published by the American Psychological Association, anxiety and depression are the culprits behind addiction; apparently, according to the study, when these almost-universal emotions hit, men tend to turn to drugs and drink to cope, while women find other ways of dealing. So, although it’s not universal, the talk in this column will be as though it’s the man who’s the addict.

The first hurdle to overcome with addiction is denial. It’s often clear to a partner that there is an abuse issue that’s negatively affecting her man’s life, but the guy may talk as though it’s not really a serious problem. He may say that his getting high is just for fun or relaxation, something under his control that he can change anytime he wants, a temporary way of dealing with a hard time at work, or that it’s his partner’s problem, because she’s overly uptight. With denial, there’s not much problem-solving that can occur, since, according to him, there is no problem. Fighting about the issue won’t get anywhere either, because she’ll be trying to prove that there’s an abuse problem, and he’ll be defending himself, telling her that she’s wrong.

At these times, probably the best she can do is calmly say that, whether she’s right or wrong, she doesn’t know if she wants this kind of life, and will have to think about what to do. Going to an Al-Anon meeting — a fellowship of relatives and friends of alcoholics who share their experiences, strength, and hope in order to solve their problems — can help her learn how to stay removed from the abuser’s issues, so that fighting and anger within the relationship don’t become his rationale for having to use substances to calm down.

In other couples, there is an openness about issues with drugs or drink, and there can be collaboration for a plan for the guy to start to sober up. Ideally, he will stop using the substance, and will even go into treatment if the weaning-off process involves potentially dangerous physical or psychological reactions. When such a big problem-solving change occurs, both partners feel proud and relieved, and ideally commit to a life without drug or drink addiction.

This is also the time to talk about what to do if the problem returns, since life teaches us that relapse is part of the process of becoming sober. Sometimes, a couple might even experience that, as time passes, alternating periods of abstention, moderation, and relapse seem to be the rule. When this pattern can be documented, it’s proof that moderate use just doesn’t work. It’s sad to observe his efforts to enjoy only a couple of drinks — like the rest of us — slowly inch up to the old overuse pattern, and watch him realize that total sobriety is the only option.

These are some of the hardest couple’s issues to deal with, especially since, in spite of his drug and drink problems, this is probably, in essence, a lovable guy who can be depended on in many ways. Yet, if he is in denial about addiction, or unwilling or unable to find ways to permanently master the dependence battle, life with him is destined to be painful, unpredictable, limited, and lonely.

His partner must seriously think about her own, and her family’s, future in the face of problems like these, and, with what she learns from Al-Anon and other support services, present her needs and bottom line if she is to continue in the relationship. This is, in effect, an ultimatum, and should never be stated before she’s had the time and experience to make sure she means it and is prepared to follow through. My sister, brother, and I have no idea of the outcome, but often talk about our regrets that our mom wasn’t able to take that stand.

To find an Al-Anon meeting, visit www.al-anon.org/meetings/meeting.html.

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By Sharon C. Peters

Dear Sharon,

Do you have any advice for parents who have children who will not eat vegetables? I am really concerned about this. My son seems to only have a palate for junk. He is 9 years old and, although our home provides quality nutritional food, he has developed a love of fast food items that he gets when he’s with his friends. It seems other parents aren’t as interested in good eating as we are.

Dear Parent,

I am sorry to hear that you and your 9-year-old are facing the same dilemma as many other families. It sounds like you are already doing well confronting the challenge by providing regular nutritious food at home.

Why do children love fast food? The answer isn’t that complicated — salt, sugar, and oil can taste good and provide sudden bursts of energy. The peer pressure that you mentioned, combined with plenty of effective advertising, help make fast food irresistible.

Here are a few ideas to keep in mind that might help your son become more interested in vegetables and other healthy options:

There are an increasing number of cookbooks to help parents incorporate vegetables and healthy foods into home-cooked recipes. They recommend using stocks or incorporating finely chopped vegetables into breads or popular main course dishes.

It can also be useful to offer healthy snacks throughout the day, rather than waiting until mealtime. Slicing fruits and vegetables and placing them attractively at a child’s eye level in the refrigerator or on plates near play areas can help healthy nibbling become more common. Keeping a tasty dipping sauce nearby can make these kinds of snacks even more appealing.

Involving children in the selection and preparation of food can help them feel more engaged and interested in veggies and other nutritious foods, and less resistant to adult opinions about healthy eating. I often suggest that children accompany their parents to a grocery store and be allowed to choose one or two things that they would like. (This simple gesture can lessen the inevitable unproductive power battles that can surface while buying food.)

It can also be helpful for parents to ask children to pick recipes from a colorful and interesting cookbook and make a meal. If a child has shopped for carrots, broccoli, and spinach; helped chop, clean, or cook the vegetables; and then arranged the food creatively on a plate, it can be more interesting to eat.

A lighthearted attitude in relation to food can also help. Some parents I know have set up a “play restaurant,” where parents are customers, and children serve and prepare a healthy menu. Young ones often take pride in their preparations and can develop a positive relationship to good quality food.

Exchanging rebukes and worry for humor and child-centered activity (telling age-appropriate jokes, playing word games, making up stories, etc.) while eating usually makes a big difference. It can also help if you arrange food in humorous shapes that spark interest. A broccoli forest, carrot log cabin, or banana raisin whole grain “face” pancakes are some common examples.

Severely restricting junk foods can result in children feeling deprived of what “everyone else” is having, and can increase cravings and secrecy, especially as they get older. As you juggle the requests for junk, it can be helpful to remember that children’s eating habits frequently change over time. I have found that young ones exposed to adults with quality diets, like the ones you are modeling in your home, eventually develop into nutritious eaters as well.

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By Kathy Sena

I’m guessing you’ve done what I did. As your children got older, you gave away many of his baby clothes — but you kept the ones that meant the most to you. The ones that spark special memories of a little boy running around the house in Buzz Lightyear jammies or a little girl dancing in her Cinderella Halloween costume.

Or, perhaps you have a stack of T-shirts from high school, college, or family vacations. No matter where your memories come from, if they’re made of fabric, they can be turned into a unique quilt. Think of it as a scrapbook page that will decorate your home, keep your family toasty warm, and become a family treasure.

Lots of options

Google “T-shirt quilts” and you’ll find a number of companies that make them, of course. But not everyone does the baby-clothes version. In addition to Campus Quilt Co. (www.campusquilt.com), the company that made my family’s quilt, check out The Quilt Loft (www.tshirtquilt.com) and Jelly Bean Quilts (www.jellybeanquilts.com). All feature adorable photos of finished quilts on their websites.

Preserving memories

The folks at Campus Quilt Co. in Louisville, Ky. took my son’s special baby and toddler clothes and turned them into the most gorgeous, hand-crafted quilt I’ve ever seen. Every item of clothing was pressed and arranged in a cute way on its own square and then carefully stitched down, so it will stay put. As I told my husband, it looks as if someone who loves our family (and who is very talented!) made this quilt. It’s a work of art that will last for generations.

Having the quilt makes me realize how important it is to enjoy these treasured memories, instead of keeping them in a box. Now I can see and touch, once again, Matt’s first Halloween costume, when he was a 10-month-old little pumpkin; his Spiderman jammies; the “I Love Grandma” sweatshirt that includes Matt’s toddler handprints in fabric paint; his Woody “Toy Story” jammies; and his Superman T-shirt.

What sentimental mom wouldn’t love that? And it’s something that I know I’ll eventually pass down to Matt. A true family heirloom. (Won’t his kids giggle when they see their dad’s toddler-sized Superman shirt one day? I love the thought of that.)

Campus Quilt Co. prices run from $129 for a nine-square lap quilt (the squares on these quilts are big — 15 inches) to $419 for a 49-square, king-size quilt. These are the prices if the quilt is made from just T-shirts. There are additional charges for doing special detailed work with baby clothes, adding strips of extra fabric between the squares, etc. Call and tell them what you have in mind, and they can give you all the details regarding cost.

I was a little worried about packing up these precious baby clothes and sending them, but the company took great care to make sure my items were transported safely. They sent a kit that explains everything, and they included a large, heavy-duty mailing bag and a pre-addressed label for shipping.

Then they e-mailed me when they received my package. They kept me informed of the progress on my quilt, and they got in touch with a tracking number when they shipped the quilt back to me. They understand how important these memories are, and they make sure customers are informed at every step of the process.

What will you use for your quilt?

Don’t have enough of your baby’s clothes for a quilt? Want to do something different? Here are some other ideas for choosing items for a great quilt:

• T-shirts from your family’s travels.

• Squares made from your young swimmer’s beach towels. (Use your quilt to stay warm at those early morning swim meets.)

• Baby clothing from different generations. Did your mom save some of your own baby clothes? Combine them with your child’s for a true keepsake.

• Fabric from your wedding dress and a bridesmaid’s dress.

• Fabric squares in your child’s high school colors, mixed with squares featuring school T-shirts from sports teams or school clubs.

• High school or college sweatshirts from different family members.

• Costumes from school plays.

• Halloween costumes.

The list is endless — and if you’re a new parent, and you’re just beginning to save special items like the receiving blanket your baby wore in the hospital, the little soft cap the nurses placed on her head, and those oh-so-tiny socks, you’re in luck. You can plan ahead and save those items until you have just the right collection to make a quilt you’ll treasure. It will warm your heart as well as your bed. Just ask Superman’s mom.

Campus Quilt Co. [Louisville, Ky., (502) 968-2850]. For more, visit www.campusquilt.com.

Freelance writer Kathy Sena is mom to 16-year-old Matt. She still has lots of baby treasures squirreled away in the family cedar chest, including the well-loved “Mr. Bear.”

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By Aglaia Ho

When we think of music today, we think of our favorite pop or rock artists. Most kids today love to jam out to their favorite songs on their iPods. However, we hear very little about Bach, Handel, Mozart, Beethoven (no, not the lovable Saint Bernard), or Verdi. Usually, classical music often ignites a response of, “Eww, that’s sooooo boring.” Nevertheless, while classical composers may not be pop stars, their contributions have built the foundation for today’s musicians, and they totally rocked those wigs and stockings. Thus, it’s important for children to have an early exposure to and an appreciation of classical music.

Appreciation purely means respecting another genre of music and acknowledging its importance. It’s just another way to broaden your child’s horizons. Classical music is no different from classical literature or ancient art. It is a timeless treasure.

We can’t expect a young child to fall in love with classical music right away. It took me a long time to grasp the importance of classical music and develop a passion for it. Like many kids, I grew up surrounded by music. I used to think of music as nothing more than just ear candy. At first, classical music was strange and unfamiliar. Yet, over time, I realized that many of my favorite songs had their origins rooted deeply in musical history.

Building appreciation for classical music is not hard. Actually, exposing kids to it can become an adventure filled with new experiences for both parent and child.

Start at home

Music appreciation should start at home. Believe it or not, classical music still plays a pivotal role in today’s culture. Keep your ears open, and you’ll hear some famous pieces on TV or the radio. Try to slowly incorporate classical music into your daily life. My parents used to bring home fun CDs and videos from the library that presented some famous composers and their well-known work in creative ways.

When I was little, my favorite video was Disney’s “Fantasia,” which combined the magic of animation with classical pieces. I also enjoyed listening to the “Beethoven’s Wig” series, a collection of CDs that set prominent classical pieces to humorous lyrics. Not only was I singing the songs all around the house, I also learned a lot about music history.

My family would also play classical music while we ate lunch or dinner. The exposure can whet a child’s curiosity, encouraging her to accept it and perhaps even come to like it.

A live performance

While listening to music and watching videos can be enjoyable, experiencing a live performance can truly change a child’s perspective of classical music. The theatricality of the performers, the atmosphere at the theater, and the excitement of the crowd can make the experience more memorable. New York City has so many venues that offer a variety of performances.

Classical music never enthralled me much until I experienced it firsthand. When I was 6, my parents took me to see the New York City Ballet’s production of “The Nutcracker.” The beautiful ballerinas and the vivid, colorful scenery kept me on the edge of my seat. The story of the magical land captivated me, but what I really fell in love with was Tchaikovsky’s amazing score. For weeks afterward, I was still humming the tunes, and today, I still know every song by heart.

Happily, these experiences don’t have to deplete your pocketbook. Be on the lookout for free concerts at local parks, libraries, or community theaters. Some shows are even kid-friendly or provide an educational activity prior to or after the show. I once attended an hour-long family concert at Carnegie Hall for only a few dollars. The show was the perfect length to hold my attention and provided jokes and stories to keep me interested.

Learn an instrument

The best way for a child to truly appreciate the joy of classical music is by learning to play an instrument. It not only fosters discipline, focus, and determination, but it also helps kids immerse themselves in famous composers and music history. If a child can play a famous piece, she will feel more connected and more willing to accept this genre of music.

My first, real, musical experience came when my parents signed me up for piano lessons at a local music school. For me, learning to play certain pieces really motivated me to appreciate music. The moment I completed all four movements of Beethoven’s “Moonlight Sonata,” I knew that a passion had blossomed.

So encourage your family to listen to the crown jewels of classical music. Experience music together and have fun along the way. Find your own unique way of introducing classical music to your kids. It’s enriching, and maybe they’ll wind up adding a sonata or two to their iPod.

Aglaia Ho is a 16-year-old student from Queens who enjoys writing. Her work has been published in Creative Kids, Skipping Stones, Daily News/Children’s Pressline, and The State of the Wild.

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By Saidi Clemente, MD, Staten Island University Hospital

As a parent, consider it your duty to teach your child the difference between acceptable and unacceptable behavior. That may sound like a lot of work, but, surprisingly, getting your child to behave the way you want may not be as difficult as you think. Here are a few tidbits you should remember:

• Be patient. Changes could take weeks of practice.

• Discipline and punishment are not the same thing.

Discipline is a whole teaching system based in a good relationship, praise, and instruction as to how to control behavior. Punishment is only a consequence for undesirable behavior and a small part of discipline.

Ideally, behavioral modification should have a good balance between focusing on the unacceptable and reinforcing the acceptable.

Discipline should start from the time your baby is born. It starts by making sure that you are responsive to your baby’s needs. At the same time, you’re laying the framework for consistency. Here are a few ways to teach discipline:

The first step of teaching your baby discipline is teaching her how to sleep on her own. Start with keeping a consistent nap time, meal time, and play time, and don’t waiver.

Once your baby becomes active and starts exploring the environment, disciplining is based around safety, but also understanding her natural curiosity.

When the toddler years come, the desire for independence and power struggles will become the biggest problem. Choose your battles wisely and avoid saying “no” all the time. Always offer choices. This way, your toddler feels that she is exerting independence while doing what you want anyway. (For example, ask her, “Do you want to wear your red pajamas or your blue pajamas?” Either way, she’s still going to put on her PJs.)

Also, plan ahead and don’t overestimate your child. A race as to who will brush their teeth first will, again, get her to accomplish the task.

Always be consistent, and make sure that all caregivers stick to the same set of rules and apply the same consequences. Do not discuss disagreements in front of your child. This way, you are not teaching your child to create confrontations to get her way, or from whom she can get what.

Always stick to your promises. Do not promise your child you will do something that you will probably not actually do.

Let the natural and logical consequences take over. If your child drops a cookie on the floor, she will not get to eat the cookie.

Withhold privileges closely related to the misbehavior, and try to apply this immediately after the fact. Always follow through.

Use time-out as a last resort, and use it wisely. Do not give time-outs for everything. When you are giving a time-out, make sure that you choose the most boring place in the house and that the child stays there. If needed, hold the child in your lap and explain that you are doing this because she is not staying quiet. She will probably learn that it is better if she does this herself. Once she serves time-out, introduce her again to a positive activity, but do not scold or lecture her. Wait until later.

Use praise on your child when she does something right. Children won’t know what’s acceptable if you don’t point it out to them. Also, set a good example — don’t expect that your child will know how to handle frustration, if you yell and throw a fit when things don’t go the way you expect.

Do not spank your child. It does not work, it can become a habit, you may actually inflict harm, and it will teach your child that it is OK to hit to control somebody — even somebody she loves.

Remember, always consult your pediatrician if you have questions or concerns.

Dr. Saidi Clemente is board-certified in childhood neurodevelopmental disabilities and is division director of Developmental Behavioral Pediatrics at Staten Island University Hospital.

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By Carolyn Jabs

Anyone who spends any time online knows the frustration of finding something wonderful — a recipe you want to try, a book you want to read, a promising present for your child’s birthday, even an inspirational quote — and then never being able to find it again.

Pinterest is the latest attempt to bring personal order to the chaotic world of the Internet. Even though the site requires an invitation, it has rocketed into the top 10 social media websites in only a few months. Just visiting the Pinterest homepage is a voyeuristic glimpse into the places, ideas, and things that excite other people.

Like most good ideas, this one is deceptively simple. Once you have a Pinterest account, you create themed bulletin boards. The topics can be basic — recipes, craft projects, clothes, dream vacations — or idiosyncratic — fabric swatches, smoothies, clever. When you come across a photo of something that fits into your categories, you use a button to pin it to the bulletin board, creating a link that will lead you — and others — back to the original sources.

The result is a lush, visual collection of things that caught your attention for some reason. Some people use Pinterest like a refrigerator door — a mishmash of reminders, as well as images that bring a smile. Other people carefully curate their Pinterest collections, treating the boards as life rafts that keep them from drowning in information. Still others use the juxtaposition of images for inspiration the way people in creative fields use vision or mood boards. Need a dessert for the potluck, a rainy-day craft for the kids, a gift for a friend? There’s a Pinterest board for that.

The organizing possibilities alone are satisfying, but Pinterest also has a social dimension, because the site’s founders believe people can learn a lot about each other by seeing what they collect. A profile on Pinterest consists of a list of bulletin boards with nine images from each collection. You can decide to follow other people, including some designated Tastemakers and, of course, others can follow you. As people comment on and repin items they like, they form mini communities based on shared enthusiasms, tastes, and passions. Some people find this kind of interest-based sharing preferable to other forms of social networking.

Although Pinterest is the flashiest of the social bookmarking sites, it’s not for everyone. For one thing, you can’t simply join. The site requires an invitation, though a link on the homepage let’s you request one directly from the company. Also, because of its emphasis on images and not text, Pinterest is very much about things. The site doesn’t have ads, but there are already a lot of commercial links from people who hope you will buy their products.

For all of these reasons, some people may prefer other social bookmarking sites. All of the sites below satisfy what psychologists call a deep human urge to collect, organize, and share. They also help you organize virtual clutter. To make good use of any of these sites, get in the habit of tagging what you save. The more tags you create, the more likely you are to find what you need when you need it.

• Delicious: The first of the social bookmarking sites, Delicious has had a complete redesign that allows users to collect Internet content including articles and videos into stacks that can be private or public. The homepage includes hot lists that make it easy to stay on top of trends.

• Digg: A good choice for busy parents who are trying to keep up with news on a variety of channels. In addition to posting your own links, users can vote thumbs up or down on stories posted by others.

• StumbleUpon: A serendipitous way to explore the Internet, StumbleUpon allows you to submit, tag, and vote for sites that interest you. As you do, the site develops a sense of what interests you and helps you “stumble upon” other sites that have caught the attention of other people who share your enthusiasms.

• Tumblr: Tumblr is ideal for people who would prefer to keep a running online log of things that interest them. This microblog site is easy to use and has a huge audience,

• Wists: Wist appeals to people who like to window shop. The name is short for wish lists, and users create amazing collections of shoes, gadgets, light fixtures, jewelry, and other objects they covet.

Whichever site you choose, you’ll need to exercise some self-discipline. Collecting can be an addictive pursuit — especially if the next treasure is only a click away. Give yourself a time limit for this pastime, and then step away from the screen, back into the three-dimensional world, where there are real cupcakes to be baked, real rooms to be straightened, and real family members to be hugged.

Carolyn Jabs, MA, raised three computer-savvy kids, including one with special needs. She has been writing Growing Up Online for 10 years. Visit growing-up-online.com to read other columns.

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By Danielle Sullivan

Among the endless concerns that come with new parenting and first-time pregnancy is the decision of whether or not to breastfeed. Many new moms want to breastfeed but are honestly afraid to do so after hearing stories about the pain and anguish associated with it.

Susan Bennington of Bay Ridge was one of them. When her son, Jamie, was born two years ago, Bennington admits that she almost didn’t even try to breastfeed, because she thought it would hurt too much.

“My sister had given birth to my niece a year before I got pregnant, and she had such a hard time with it, she eventually gave up. Ever since then, she talks about how she should have just bottle-fed from the beginning and saved herself the torment,” she says.

Bennington cites sore nipples and difficulty in latching on as the top two causes of why her sister stopped.

“While I was naturally concerned seeing what my sister went through, I still felt in my heart that breastfeeding was best, and wanted to give my child every chance at the best health possible,” says Bennington. “So, I started reading up on it in my sixth month almost daily. When my son was born, amazingly enough, he latched on right away. It gave me the confidence to continue, and I’m so glad I did.”

Sara Chana, a breast-feeding expert and certified lactation consultant, says that when breastfeeding is working properly, it shouldn’t hurt.

Here are her best tips for pain-free breastfeeding:

• Don’t believe that breastfeeding is supposed to hurt and that sore nipples are to be expected. If the baby is latched on to the breast properly, breastfeeding should not hurt!

• Do teach your baby to latch onto the breast, not the nipple! Most women that come into my office are letting the baby latch onto the nipple and not the breast itself. (Remember, it is called “breastfeeding,” not “nipple feeding.”)

• Don’t worry about getting your whole areola into the baby’s mouth. Most women are taught to get the whole areola into the baby’s mouth, but all women have different size areolas, so this is really not the judge of a good latch. With a good latch, there usually is some areola showing, and often times, lots of areola is showing.

• Do hold your breast steady and compress it into a pointy shape with your hand, because a pointy breast can fit deeper into a baby’s mouth. Be sure to bring the baby to you deeply (not trying to stuff your nipple into the baby’s mouth). Your goal is to get your breast deeply into the baby’s mouth with the nipple touching the S spot (between the baby’s hard and soft palate). Your nipple actually needs to point back into the baby’s throat.

• Don’t get discouraged. If your latch hurts, try again. If you allow the baby to nurse in a way that hurts you, your baby will not get the message that he needs to nurse deeper. When a mom and her baby share the experience of being on the breast deeply, with practice, mom will be able to nurse pain free.

• Do get help from a professional lactation consultant if you are in pain, not getting enough soiled diapers, or feel unsure or discouraged. Birth hurts — breastfeeding is not supposed to!

Danielle Sullivan, a Brooklyn-born mom of three, has worked as a writer and editor in the parenting world for more than 10 years. Sullivan also writes about pets and parenting for Disney’s Babble.com. Find her on Facebook and Twitter @DanniSullWriter, or on her blog, Just Write Mom.

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By Myrna Beth Haskell

I loved to hang out with my baby sister when I was a teenager. I used to take her everywhere, even to some social activities at my high school. I really enjoyed the “mommy role,” even when she did something out of the blue, like kicking one of my guy friends in the shin at a winter carnival.

I realize that I probably enjoyed her tagging along with me, because it was my choice. It may have been an entirely different story if I was obligated to care for her on a regular basis, especially if the care got in the way of my own activities.

Sometimes, teens are responsible for younger siblings for long hours after school due to their parents’ job schedules or their family’s financial situation. This can be a catalyst to a teen becoming responsible at an early age; however, in some situations, a teen might feel resentment for having to assume a parental role. Is there a limit to how much responsibility a teen should take on?

The benefits

Beth H. Garland, PhD, a licensed psychologist at Texas Children’s Hospital, reports, “Benefits may include increased responsibility and an opportunity for increased trust between the adolescent and his parent.”

Pamela Garber, LMHC, a Manhattan-based therapist who works with adolescents regarding family issues and other life stressors, believes that teens can gain important life skills while caring for a younger sibling.

“The benefits can be the to development of a strong sense of responsibility, an understanding of choices and consequences, and a value system based on family,” she explains.

Amy B. Acosta, PhD, a licensed psychologist at Texas Children’s Hospital, agrees.

“Some teens may respond to caretaking roles in ways that promote skills for nurturing others, and these responsibilities may increase feelings of closeness within the family,” she says. She feels that there is a potential for family connectedness when there is a sharing of responsibilities.

Too much to handle?

Most experts agree that teens need time for social activities. This can be a challenge when teens are spending a great deal of time outside of school hours watching over younger siblings.

“Often, the negative consequences, such as resentment and an over-developed sense of responsibility, are linked to other issues and problems,” warns Garber. For instance, teens might begin to exhibit negative behaviors because they feel their own needs are not being met.

Garland finds that social experiences help teens learn skills that enable them to navigate situations as adults.

“The balance between childcare responsibilities and activities associated with adolescent development (e.g. social events, dating, free time) may be one potential challenge,” she says. Parents should also talk to their teens to be sure their teens are not overwhelmed.

Finding a balance

“It is helpful for parents to make sure their teen has structured time that is strictly for him,” instructs Garber. Ideally, teens should be able to allocate time in their schedule for both school and social obligations. This will help them feel cared for and valued. Additionally, teens will have the opportunity to mature socially, so the peer disconnect will be limited.”

Parents should consider community resources, such as support groups and churches. Another idea is to work out childcare swaps where families take turns with childcare.

“Some cities offer free or low-cost after-school and weekend programs at city parks and recreational centers,” says Garland.

Acosta suggests extracurricular activities.

“School sports and clubs may provide a logistical solution to childcare while simultaneously honoring a need to explore new interests and create bonds with other children.”

Tips and tales

“I used to babysit my younger siblings all the time. Every family is different, but I grew up way too fast and never really had time to be a child.”

Renee Falanga Brenner, New Paltz, NY

“I think that taking care of a younger sibling could be favorable. However, the teenager could build resentment against his younger sibling and rebel.”

Charles Knapp, Brooklyn, NY

Share your ideas

Upcoming topic: Tips for dealing with the day your teen leaves for college.

Send your full name, address, and brief comments to myrnahaskell@gmail.com, or visit www.myrnahaskell.com.

Myrna Beth Haskell is a feature writer, columnist and author of the newly released book, “Lions and Tigers and Teens: Expert advice and support for the conscientious parent just like you” (Unlimited Publishing LLC). Visit www.myrnahaskell.com.

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By Dane L. Peters

Having discovered Dr. Maria Montessori’s internationally proven educational philosophy — a theory she began developing at the end of the 19th century in Italy — late in my career, I find that I cannot learn enough, for my sake, for the students in my school, and for my granddaughter. So much of what takes place in a Montessori environment today is predicated on the guiding principles that Montessori developed after many years of observing children.

Montessori is an educational philosophy that supports a student’s innate curiosity and freedom to question, encouraging adaptability and independence. The need for our children to develop critical thinking and problem-solving skills has become even more important as they face the challenges to come in our rapidly changing world.

Whether you read Dr. Jane Healy’s book, “Your Child’s Growing Mind”; the New York Times Feb. 17, 2012 article, “Building Self-Control the American Way”; or Daniel Pink’s book, “Drive: The Surprising Truth About What Motivates Us,” you will come across present-day principles and phrases that relate directly to Montessori’s work and methods. The resurgence of Montessori education here in the U.S. — that began in the early 1960s — has grown to more than 4,000 private and public schools today.

In understanding Montessori education, which is now the most utilized pedagogy on the globe, with more than 22,000 schools in 110 countries, it might be helpful to review a few of the most prominent words that describe the basic tenets of her work and their relevancy to the needs of education today.

• Teacher as facilitator – Montessori believed that teachers should be a guide-on-the-side rather than a sage-on-the-stage. A top-down learning environment is non-productive for the student. Education is most successful when the student is an independent learner. Also, Montessori teachers must complete extensive training to become credentialed Montessori teachers.

“The child is truly a miraculous being, and this should be felt deeply by the educator,” said Montessori.

• Respect for the student – Along the same lines as teacher as facilitator, in a Montessori environment, there is a deep respect for the student. Students flourish in a setting that is supportive and respectful of their individuality, abilities, and potential.

• Intrinsically motivated – Probably one of Montessori’s most meaningful tenets is helping students to work for their own goals, satisfaction, and interest, and not for external rewards. It is widely recognized that individuals are more highly motivated when they have a vested interest in their pursuits and goals.

• Prepared environment – A Montessori classroom is designed with thoughtful structure that facilitates students making choices and learning at their own pace. It is an environment that develops independent problem-solving skills by allowing students time to explore, discover, concentrate, research, and learn. The teacher closely monitors the progress of each student, helping her make good choices that support learning and exploration of all subjects within an academic curriculum.

• Mixed-age classes – Montessori classrooms have 3-, 4-, and 5-year old students in one classroom, just as first-, second-, and third-grade students or fourth-, fifth-, and sixth-grade students are in one classroom. This promotes peer learning; students learn from and teach each other, developing collaboration and leadership skills, compassion, and mastery of the material.

• Three-year cycle – Students remain with the same teacher for three years, allowing teachers to gain an intimate knowledge of each student’s individual learning style and potential. And it provides consistency in a student’s academic life. A spiraling curriculum throughout the three-year cycle develops a deeper understanding of academic subjects.

• Method and materials that are timeless – Many of the materials Montessori developed 100 years ago are used in classrooms today. For example, the sequencing materials students use are highly applicable to the strict syntax necessary for computer programming or building software applications. Also, many of the self-correcting Montessori materials enable students to be successful without adult intervention, encouraging a student’s independence and self-confidence.

• Practical life skills – Students engage in tasks that relate directly to everyday practical skills. Caring for yourself and your environment, organizing, and using household materials, are employed in the classroom to help students build critical-thinking, decision-making skills, and fine-motor coordination skills.

• Grace and courtesy – Being thoughtful of the needs of others and engaging with others in a respectful manner are important characteristics of a Montessori education. These are the building blocks for the peace curriculum that is ever-present in a Montessori school. Compassion is a characteristic held in high regard within the Montessori curriculum.

• Life-long learner – Curiosity and a life-long intellectual pursuit of knowledge is a means for life. Learning is not simply to complete an assignment or achieve a satisfactory test score.

• Critical thinker – Always using exploration and experience, students are encouraged to make informed decisions. Students learn to gather information, make comparisons, and apply what works to each problem or situation, with a focus on understanding the process of discovery and developing independent, problem-solving skills.

• Confident learner with a strong sense of self – Montessori students learn to take risks in their academic work and think creatively without a fear of failure. When they do fail, they see it as a learning experience and know how to independently recover and get back on track.

• • •

All of the above Montessori concepts are not only important in the early years, but they also provide the foundation for adolescence and adulthood. During the critical adolescent years, these methods become essential to give students the independence to manage freedom with responsibility. Repeatedly, Montessori education touches the lives of so many people in a way that helps them to be confident, thoughtful citizens, always working to build a better environment for themselves and others.

Dane L. Peters is head of Brooklyn Heights Montessori School in Brooklyn. You can reach him at dpeters@bhmsny.org. Visit his blog at www.danesedblog.blogspot.com.

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By Rebecca McKee

May is the month to appreciate our mothers and grandmothers. We make a special effort to show our love and gratitude this time of year through our words and actions (and, for good measure, a beautiful bouquet doesn’t hurt!).

But a more and more homes include family members who have autism spectrum disorder. Many of these individuals may rarely convey to their mothers just how much adoration and love exists within their special bond, and those moms can use some special recognition.

Mothers of children with special needs work tirelessly day in and day out for their children.

Their work includes motherly duties of love, providing food, shelter, clothing, tenderness, and teaching.

But standing atop of that mountain is a pressure-cooker filled with speech and language goals, fine- and gross-motor coordination activities, functional life skills, opportunities for generalization, natural environment teaching moments, sensitivity and awareness for siblings and peers, team meetings, workshops, parent-training visits, data collection and analysis for behavioral outbursts, and so much more.

It is a world that involves these mothers’ front doors opening and closing continuously to allow for professionals to enter and exit. Between those times it is the mothers who hold everything together.

It is a motherhood that requires patience; patience that includes waiting an entire summer while an 8-year-old child learns to imitate waving.

It is a motherhood that requires grace; grace that includes calmly handling a very loud 10-year-old autistic child in the supermarket while every other adult in the surrounding area glares. It is a motherhood that requires fortitude — courage and advocacy mixed together in a cake bowl — that has to be at an all-time high level from the time of diagnosis throughout adulthood.

It is a motherhood that requires connectedness; connectedness means constant networking, attendance at workshops, fund-raisers, classes, and more.

It is a motherhood that requires a realistic view of accomplishment; accomplishment can easily mean her child learning how to tie his shoes at the age of 19 after working on this skill for more than 300 hours. It is a motherhood that requires balance; balance between caring for all members of her family, herself, and a person with special needs who naturally requires just that much more.

We should all remember to honor our mothers each day, and especially on Mother’s Day.

This May, if you know a mother or grandmother who has the personal privilege of having a family member with autism spectrum disorder, or individualized personality, acknowledge her. Take the time to wish her a happy Mother’s Day.

These are words she may have yet to hear from that special person in her life.

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By Joan Emerson, PhD

Well, it’s spring, and my husband and I have just gone through a hard few days. He’s a baseball fanatic — player, fan, and fantasy participant — and it’s time for me to accept, again, that for the next several months, I will be sharing him with his other passion.

As the season begins, I’ve heard public figures I highly regard — all men, it seems — talking about how delighted they are to be watching their favorite sport again and how much baseball means to them on a deeply emotional level.

The rational part of me, therefore, knows my husband’s not totally out of line to want to watch all of the games of the opening week, and that’s exactly what he did for three straight days.

But, it’s vacation; neither of us is working this week. When the first day of the vacation arrived, my fantasy of how it should be spent was obviously totally different than his.

I wanted to jump into time together; he wanted to transition slowly into that togetherness by relaxing into himself, and watching baseball. I made every effort to handle my disappointment and annoyance in a mature, contained way, but I definitely wasn’t perfect. He acknowledged that he wasn’t happy with how overly hooked in he was getting, and was also sorry that he wasn’t handling it better.

It’s now a few days later and we are, yet again, reflecting on how these differences are pretty much normal and unavoidable with us, but still regularly catch us by surprise.

Each of us has our own vision of how to get to this place of togetherness we both want: his is to slowly transition after some time of winding down and doing his own thing; mine is to jump on the bandwagon as soon as possible.

I guess we’ll always be talking about how to overcome these differences in a way that feels comfortable and fair to both of us.

Yet, even though it’s nothing new, the fact that the conversation about this balance has resumed again feels good.

We all know that even with love, commitment, and the best of intentions, the path of couplehood is not smooth. But it is a surprise that even when it’s the same old patterns repeating, and history has shown that we’ll be alright again, the rational part of us cannot always prevent the emotional pain we feel when things go off track.

The hardest part is staying with those feelings without overreacting until some time passes, and things are back to normal.

Nobody wants to feel the pain that goes along with a really good and deep connection falling apart for a while, but it seems to go with the turf.

It’s a reminder of the vulnerability we all have when we are in a truly committed relationship, and that pain can go so deep, we can even understand why some people just choose to never even risk getting into the game.

What am I learning from this mini-breakdown after many years and many repeats? I don’t really know the whole answer.

I do know that one basic ingredient that helped ease the angst was the fact that we were sharing the loss of each other, and we were committed to working to reconnect.

But, ultimately, I seem to be learning again how important it is to communicate our expectations.

If we had, we could have lovingly agreed on how to care for each other’s needs and also for our own.

During one of those baseball evenings, I took the opportunity to go hear some local music in a place that I rarely get to.

It felt great to be there, but it would have felt so much better if we had talked in advance and planned that, on this evening, we would lovingly give each other the chance to do our own thing.

Without this loving feeling, there was probably a little guilt and self-righteousness on both sides.

So, I realize that the most helpful component is that talk in advance about what each of us is wanting and needing that will help get us through these difficult transitions and differences.

Nobody is doing anything wrong here, so even if we start off in totally different places, at the very least, we’ll know what to expect and will plan accordingly.

Chances are, we’ll even be able to negotiate some small accommodations that will make the different goals more acceptable.

It can feel risky to state our needs, but it’s so much better to know what each feels, than to wind up hurt and disconnected.

Dr. Joan Emerson is a psychologist specializing in couples therapy. For more information and writings, visit her website at www.JoanEmerson.com.

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By Laura Varoscak-DeInnocentiis

An organization is developing the musical talents of young New York City students who would not ordinarily be exposed to music education.

The Harmony Program provides free music education to elementary students in select public schools. Children who are interested in the program apply by submitting an essay on why they want to study a musical instrument. Once accepted, they choose an instrument from the brass, woodwind, string, and percussion families. Participants receive daily music lessons, instruments, books, supplies, and opportunities to attend cultural events.

Anne Fitzgibbon, founder and executive director of the Harmony Program, traveled to Venezuela in 2007 on a Fulbright Fellowship to study the famous National System of Youth and Children’s Orchestras, known as El Sistema. Impressed by its commitment to social change through music, she returned to New York.

Her primary goal was to design a program that uses music as a means to help children grow into healthy, well-rounded, and productive individuals. In addition to fostering social development, the Harmony Program encourages learning through ensemble playing, creates a supportive community for program participants and families, and demands a serious commitment to daily music study.

The Harmony Program prioritizes serving schools in high need areas, as well as those that do not offer formal band or orchestra. Equally important to the selection process is the partnership of a dynamic and cooperative principal who believes in the value of music education. PS 152’s principal, Dr. Rhonda Farkas, recognizes how the Harmony Program enriches the educational experience of the students in her school in Flatbush, Brooklyn.

“It has benefited them in exponential ways,” said Farkas, “by lifting their confidence levels, boosting self-esteem, enhancing cooperation and collaboration, self-direction, flexibility, adaptability, productivity, and responsibility.”

I recently visited PS 152’s after-school program, listened to the students play, and heard what they have to say.

The kids — taught by college- and graduate-level music students trained by the Harmony Program — were enthusiastic and ready to learn, even after a long day of school.

Instructor Patrick O’Reilly taught his young drumming students how to identify notes and rests, rhythms and patterns, repeats and loops. There was a strong sense of group learning and peer teaching in the intimate class of four. Sebastian, a fifth grader, took a break from the snare drum to help a classmate identify the down beat from a series of notes on the board. He was patient and kind, and continued to support her until she played the music correctly.

The kids expressed their gratitude and appreciation for the program.

“When I have a bad day, the music and my friends make me happy,” said Mia. “The two go together.”

Fifth-grader Theresa added that playing music is not only fun and exciting, but it helps her to focus and concentrate, too.

“I think it’s going to help me on the [English Language Arts] exam,” she said.

Sebastian agreed and said learning to read music has helped him improve in math.

Cassandra recalled that the Harmony Program brought made it possible for her to perform with one of the most famous musicians in the world. “Playing with Placido Domingo was awesome!” she recalled. In January, Cassandra was one of 35 young musicians chosen from the Harmony Program to perform at the gala celebration honoring the tenor and conductor. The maestro conducted the orchestra of fourth to sixth graders.

“Making music as a part of an orchestra is an important part of the program, because it requires children to respect their places as members of a community and to understand the rules, structure, and organization that govern that community,” explained Harmony founder Fitzgibbon.

Lexy, a violinist, joined the Harmony Program in second grade. Now a fifth grader, she also had the opportunity to play with Domingo. Lexy recalled the experience with excitement, but quickly shifted her focus to the Harmony Program itself.

“Music allows me to express my feelings,” explained Lexy, whose favorite pieces of music are Pachelbel’s “Canon in D” and “The Magic Flute.” “I’m so grateful that it is a free program. Otherwise, I would not have the opportunity to play an instrument.”

When I entered the woodwind group’s practice room, the students were in the middle of learning a new, challenging Bach piece. They struggled persistently until the end, then immediately asked their teacher if they could play “The Magic Flute,” which they had been practicing for the past few months. They performed it with joy, confidence, and pride. The young musicians’ talent amazed me, but I was even more impressed by their dedication and respect for the music-making process.

The Harmony Program teaches more than music. It develops important skills necessary for children to succeed in many areas of their lives.

Principal Farkas explains, “It offers our children the tools, resources, and experiences that have helped facilitate and drive the knowledge, complex thinking skills, collaboration, and creativity required for the college and career outcomes needed to succeed in the 21st century.”

For more, visit harmonyprogram.cuny.edu.

Laura Varoscak-DeInnocentiis is a mom, teacher, and freelance writer. She is a regular contributor to New York Parenting Media and has won several editorial awards from Parent Publications of America. Varoscak holds master’s degrees in fiction writing, education, and psychology. Visit her webpage at www.examiner.com/parenting-in-new-york/laura-varoscak for more articles on Brooklyn parenting.

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By Aglaia Ho

For kids, it may be hard to grasp the gravity of Memorial Day. We tend to associate this holiday with a day off of school, barbecues, and picnics in the park. We pull out our bathing suits and get ready for the start of the summer. As we prepare for fun in the sun, we might easily overlook the war overseas. With this ugly reality so far from home, many of us have felt little impact. Yet, as American troops pull out of Iraq and many others head to Afghanistan, we need to stop and think about what we really should be honoring on May 28.

Memorial Day is about remembering our fallen heroes. It began as Decoration Day, a day to remember those who died during the Civil War. The holiday now commemorates all of America’s brave men and women who have made sacrifices to protect our country and our values. I appreciate everything these men and women have done, but I’ve always felt disconnected on this holiday.

When I was younger, my parents explained the idea behind Memorial Day, but I never really paid attention. They took me to the little parade in our neighborhood. I don’t remember much except sitting on the sidewalk and munching on popcorn as the red, white, and blue floats passed by. I’m sure I was as interested in my snack as I was in the actual parade. We would also visit Washington D.C. and pay our respects at the memorials, but I was more enthralled by the museums. For me, Memorial Day was not on the same scale as Fourth of July, so I thought of it as a minor holiday.

This year my feelings have changed. Memorial Day finally means more to me thanks to my American history class and my amazing teacher. He is a strong believer in encouraging students to form their own opinions about our past. Not only does he teach us about history but he always shows us how our past relates to the present.

This year, as I studied our history, I began to see a connection between America’s earlier wars and our current situation in Afghanistan. For instance, when we learned about the first national draft instituted during the Civil War, Americans at the time were outraged by the compulsory conscription. We’ve recently discussed a similar resistance during the Vietnam War draft. It really made me think about how fortunate Americans are today. Due to courageous volunteers, most will never have to experience the hardships of the combat zone.

The real turning point for me, however, was back in March when we studied World War II. We discussed, many times, how the war caused so many casualties. I read about D-Day and the bloodshed in the midst of America trying to infiltrate France. The next day in class, my teacher showed us a dramatization of the invasion of Normandy from the movie “Saving Private Ryan.” He also told us about his experience watching it with World War II veterans. The vets were shocked and shaking uncontrollably as they observed their worst nightmares relived on the screen. I suddenly felt a pang of guilt and a newfound sense of respect for our military and I promised myself that I would truly commemorate these fallen heroes this Memorial Day.

American history is the story of our freedom and our determination to preserve our liberty. We are proud of our values. Our service members are always ready and willing to protect us and secure our freedom. Our country is not perfect but what has reverberated throughout history is that America’s finest are always ready to fix our mistakes. These men and women bear the burden of bombshells and fire. Despite all of our different origins, our military unifies us by safeguarding the rights that are guaranteed to all.

So this Memorial Day, take some time to reflect on how this country has been shaped by our soldiers. Remember those who died so that we can live in a safe country. Don’t forget to thank those who serve our cause and let them know of our appreciation. And for those who have passed, make sure to hang our colors -- proud and strong -- in their honor.

Aglaia Ho is a 16-year-old student from Queens who enjoys writing. Her work has been published in Creative Kids, Skipping Stones, Daily News/Children’s Pressline, and The State of the Wild.

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By Terri Schlichenmeyer

Someday, your children are going to inherit the earth. And there is so much to learn before it becomes theirs. “B is for Blue Planet,” by Ruth Strother, is just the tool to learn all about our Earth.

“B is for Blue Planet” teaches children all about the planet by taking them through the alphabet to introduce them to new words, such as A, for amber, the gooey material that oozed from trees when dinosaurs walked the earth, and trapped bugs, flowers, and leaves, and then hardened, rock-like. And while your child is learning about old, hard rocks, she’ll also learn about I, for igneous rock, which was on the earth before the dinosaurs that roamed the earth during J, the Jurassic period.

Of course, B is for blue planet, another name for the earth, because much of it is covered with water and looks blue from space. In all that water are coral reefs, which start with the letter C. E stands for earthquakes, and V is for volcano.

If you’ve got a young reader in your house, you probably have at least one shelf that’s filled with books that have been outgrown. The nice thing about this book is that it grows with your child: read it with a 4 year old, then keep it for the 12 year old she’ll be someday, because “B is for Blue Planet” really is two books in one.

Strother offers a quick, easy-to-understand poem for younger children, each accompanied by a colorful illustration from artist Bob Marstall. You’ll notice, though, that on the outer half of each letter-page are longer, more thorough, more scientific explanations meant for older kids — or for yourself, if you need help answering the questions of a curious child.

For preschoolers to middleschoolers, “B is for Blue Planet” will prove that Earth Day — April 22 — isn’t the only time to be green. For them, this book is a good lesson and a great gift.

“B is for Blue Planet,” by Ruth Strother [40 pages, Sleeping Bear Press, 2011, $16.95] is recommended for children in preschool through middleschool.

Terri Schlichenmeyer has been reading since she was 3 years old, and she never goes anywhere without a book. She lives on a hill with two dogs and 12,000 books.

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By Chris Garlington

In reliving my childhood vicariously through my son, I made a pact with my 11-year-old self (currently at the controls) that if I didn’t teach him how to fish, play ball, fix a flat, or bluff on a pair of deuces, I would at least throw him the most awesome birthday parties ever. And I do. Or, I used to.

I am currently banned. Here is why:

Eleven-year-old boys are not sane. Witness the last sleepover birthday party I will ever throw (according to the cease-and-desist order). Mistakes were made.

Mistake number one: Tell your son to invite his friends. It sounds so simple. As long as you’ve known him, he’s only had three: James, whom you’re fairly certain lives with you; the kid with a birthmark shaped like Italy; and the one who only eats mac and cheese. This is who you know as his friends. Your son, however, thinks EVERYONE is his friend. Day of the party, 25 kids marched into my tiny house and began farting.

Mistake number two: Leave the room for 10 seconds. I should have known. The basement was stacked to the eaves with hyperactive, unreasonable nutjobs who imagine ridiculous uses for everyday junk that would make MacGyver call 911. I should have known leaving them in the basement while I stepped out for just a second was idiotic. Not just because you can’t take your eyes off a kid or he’ll set you on fire, not just that, no; but because I am a man, and there is no such thing as “just a second” during Shark Week.

By the time I wrenched my gaze away from the TV and remembered there was a basement full of boys, it was too late. Knowing me, you’re expecting they’d set the chainsaws on fire, filled the washing machine with my rare vintage jazz record collection, and dressed the dog in women’s clothes.

While all of that is true, it pales in comparison to the spectre of arriving to find them mid-toga party in my 300-count cotton sheets dancing to “He’s Going The Distance,” and eating pizza they’ve modified to include Doritos and gummi bears.

Mistake number three: Silly String. There are three classic themes for boys’ toys:

• Things you burn

• Things that fly

• Things that shoot

Silly String does all three. I sent the boys into the front yard, following them with a CRATE of Silly String.

What could go wrong?

I passed out the cans, yelled “Go,” and watched 25 11-year-olds chase each other around my yard shooting colored streams of foam into everything in sight: my shrubs, the cars, the sidewalk, the neighbor’s dog...

And then it happened.

As an exceedingly strict mother pulled up, her face in a rictus of horror framed by the window of her minivan, HER SON leapt off my front steps, tangerine-colored jets erupting in all directions, and, while screaming “AY CARUMBA!” jammed the Silly String nozzles INTO HIS OWN EARS! and pulled the trigger.

He committed stringicide.

Admittedly, I was seized with an urge to high-five, but I couldn’t as I saw his mom’s face change from “look-all-the-boys-aren’t-playing-call-of-duty,” to “oh-my-God-my-son-just-went-deaf!”

I jerked the kid up from his Tebow celebration, dug two nubbins of hardened orange gack out of his ears, and whisper-yelled “That was awesome,” before setting my face in a mask of stern reprimand and carrying him to his mom, who inspected his ears like a miner digging for bullion.

She came up empty, but the hairy eyeball I received still haunts me to this day.

Christopher Garlington lives in a standard two kids, wife, dog, corner-lot, two car, small business owner American dream package. He drives a 2003 Camry, sports a considerable notebook fetish, and smokes Arturo Fuente Partaga Maduros at the Cigar King as often as possible. His stories have appeared in Atlanta Parenting, Florida, Orlando, Orlando Weekly, Catholic Digest, Retort, Another Realm, The Dead Mule School of Southern Literature, South Lit, and other magazines. His short story collection, “King of the Road,” is available on Amazon.

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By Lisa J. Curtis

It can be difficult to encourage a child to choose a book over easy entertainment like video games and TV shows. But if it’s a chapter book based on a magical new movie about a legendary princess, they just might be tempted to crack its spine.

A new take on the Grimm Brothers’ “Little Snow White” fairy tale, the PG-film “Mirror, Mirror” is an adventure comedy directed by Tarsem Singh (“Immortals”), starring Oscar-winner Julia Roberts as the greedy, vain Queen and Lily Collins (“The Blind Side”) as Snow White. Armie Hammer (“The Social Network”) plays her seriously handsome Prince, while Nathan Lane delivers comic relief as Brighton, the Queen’s bungling servant.

The movie-inspired novel, adapted by Lexi Ryals, is a suspenseful read with eight pages of color pictures from the film, highlighting the magnificent costumes by another Oscar-winner, the late Eiko Ishioka (“Immortals” and “Bram Stoker’s Dracula”).

Parents, be warned that the book (geared toward kids ages 7 and up) contains much calling for the death of Snow White; a teeth-gnashing beast; magical, murderous mannequins; and — spoiler alert — an apple-related murder-suicide. Overall, however, the novel about the generous, sympathetic Snow, who finds the metaphorical and literal strength to fight evil, turn a band of thieving dwarves into heroes, save the prince from a humiliating potion, and aid her impoverished townspeople, is a great way for your young reader to relive the memory of seeing the film with you, while they hone their reading skills.

“Mirror, Mirror: The Movie Novel” adapted by Lexi Ryals (Scholastic), $5.99. For more, visit www.scholastic.com.

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Kids will be smarter about arthropods after visiting the Central Park Zoo on May 19.

Seven- to 10-year-olds, who enjoy creepy, crawly insects, will love this class at the zoo, where they’ll learn all about the bugs who make their homes there.

Taught by an urban ecologist, children will collect insects from various habitats around the zoo and sort the collections to try to identify the species.

Each participant will take home his or her own insect trap to collect and observe the ones they find in their own neighborhoods.

“Bugs, Bugs, Bugs” at the Central Park Zoo [830 Fifth Ave. at East 65th Street in Manhattan, (212) 439-6583] May 19, 10-11:30 am. $35 members, $40 non-members. For more, visit www.centralparkzoo.com.

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By Shavana Abruzzo

Earth rocks!

You and the kids will come away with a greater appreciation of our unique planet, plus discover cool ways to care for its incredible biodiversity — from identifying critters and plants that live in your garden, to harvesting rainfall using a bike, while watching a 35-foot “dragon” hash it out with “St. George.” All you have to do is mark your calendars!

Earth Day is around the corner, and the Community Association of Tompkinsville Park Promoting Fun and Whimsy — as if any more needed to be said! — will celebrate the world’s largest, international, environmental event at Tompkinsville Park on April 21 with a fun-packed, interactive, family day of educational spectacles, demonstrations, and activities to help us preserve energy and respect our habitat.

The Sixth Annual St. George Day Festival promises something for everyone — rain or shine.

There will be a Great Tree Walk of the Neighborhood; a City Harvest cooking exhibit of healthy and natural foods; a recycling relay race; and a Stop ‘N’ Swap, hosted by Grow N.Y.C., where you can bring your unwanted items for other visitors to take home. Remember, one person’s trash is another’s recyclable treasure.

Representatives from the Lower East Side Ecology Center will also be on hand to alert you about disposing of your electronic waste correctly, and New York City Compost Project will lead a fertilizing workshop, so that your flowers and veggies will be the talk of the neighborhood.

Creative types are in for a treat, as well. They’re invited to come and champion alternatives to gas-powered vehicles on an interactive mural.

Other activities include exhibits from local artists, vendors, readings, and a kids stage — all to raise awareness about Mother Nature.

The day’s theme is St. George, the Christian martyr who — legend has it — slew a dragon during the Crusades. In case you’re wondering about the connection between the two observances — St. George Day is celebrated on April 23, one day after Earth Day which typically falls on April 22. (Alas, St. George, the neighborhood, didn’t derive its name from the saint, but from George Law, a developer who acquired rights to the waterfront.)

The warrior, however, and his nemesis, an impressive 18-foot behemoth toted by 18 people, will appear in a giant puppet show about water conservation in which man and beast resolve their differences peacefully.

Be prepared to similarly “ooh” and “aah” during the parade of dragons, a pageant-worthy cavalcade featuring eight, enormous, homespun beasts, including a “trash dragon” made out of recycled materials by the Green Teens from the Parks Department. The roving, three-headed dragon will be hard to miss as it picks up litter which you can help transform into a giant metal topiary serpent.

The dragon theme extends to Fido. Dress up the family pooch and enter him or her in the doggie dragon contest for bragging rights and other rewards.

Earth Day has been a part of our national and international celebrations since 1970 when its founder — Sen. Gaylord Anton Nelson from Wisconsin — established “a national day for the environment” because he felt that “the economy is a wholly-owned subsidiary of the environment, not the other way around.”

Folks on the North Shore have taken that sentiment to heart, and are using it as a tool to empower their communities.

“We are creating a joyous and celebratory environment in which we can bring people together to share ideas and celebrate our neighborhood,” said association spokeswoman Jenny Lytton.

The Sixth Annual St. George Day Festival will take place on April 21, noon-8 pm [Tompkinsville Park, Bay Street and Victory Boulevard, in Tompkinsville]. In the event of rain, activities will be held at 208 Bay Street, between Victory Boulevard and Hannah Street in Tompkinsville; www.stgeorgedaysi.com.

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By Sandra Gordon

When you’re expecting a baby, you do what you can to take control of the experience. You go to your ob-gyn appointments and childbirth classes, take prenatal vitamins, and try to eat a healthy diet. Still, there’s always that feeling that Mother Nature’s really the one in charge, and you’re just along for the wild ride. Ever wonder what you’d do if your pregnancy or labor suddenly took a surprising turn? That’s what happened to these three women, who were forced to call upon reservoirs of strength and resourcefulness they never knew they had in order to bring their babies into the world.

Babies in danger

“We nearly lost our twins.”

— Jennifer Miller, 35

Two weeks before giving birth, Miller woke up in a puddle.

“I assumed my water had broken, so I called my doctor and went to the hospital,” says the web designer.

There, though, Miller was told her water hadn’t broken and she returned home, where she continued to leak fluid.

“I also felt like there was blood rushing through me. I could hear it pounding in my ears,” she says.

Then, 10 days before her due date, Miller went into labor. At the hospital, she developed a 102-degree fever due to an uterine infection.

As it turned out, “I had been leaking amniotic fluid all along,” she says. Consequently, even though the babies were in the right position to be born vaginally, Miller had an emergency C-section.

Baby Josie was born first; she weighed just 2 pounds, 12 ounces, and was followed by Anna, who weighed 3 pounds, 15 ounces. Because of their size difference, the identical twins were easy to tell apart. Although Anna was the larger baby, “she was basically stillborn; she had an initial APGAR of 0 and she was bright red, but they were able to bring her back,” Miller says.

After giving birth, Miller learned that she had an undiagnosed case of twin-to-twin transfusion syndrome, which is a complication specific to identical twins who each have their own amniotic sac but share a single placenta. With this syndrome, blood flow through the vessels in the placenta connecting the twins becomes unbalanced; one twin, the “donor,” doesn’t get enough blood while the larger twin, the “recipient,” becomes overloaded with it.

In turn, the recipient twin increases the urine it makes to reduce its blood volume. That twin eventually has too much amniotic fluid. The donor twin produces too little urine and the amniotic fluid becomes very low or absent.

“They mentioned TTTS at the hospital to me once, but nobody talked to me about it,” Miller says. Fortunately, after some initial developmental delays, Josie and Anna are now perfectly healthy 7-year-olds.

Life lesson: “Looking back, I dismissed a lot of things I shouldn’t have, chalking them up to just having twins,” says Miller. “Like the fact that I began feeling really uncomfortable and felt the constant rush of excess blood, which is a symptom of TTTS.”

For more about twin-to-twin transfusion syndrome, visit www.tttsfoundation.org.

A deadly complication

“I survived a rare syndrome.”

— Miranda Klassen, 33

When Klassen, a sales representative, was in labor with her first child, she had a seizure and went into cardiac arrest, which caused a temporary lack of blood flow to the baby because of her lack of oxygen. To restore her heartbeat, her husband, Bryce, later told her that respiratory technicians administered chest compressions while her obstetrician performed an emergency C-section. Her baby, a boy, was delivered in just eight minutes. Yet, it took 10 minutes to resuscitate him. Would he be OK? It was too soon to tell.

While the baby was whisked to the hospital’s neonatal intensive care unit, doctors put Klassen into a medically-induced coma to assess the situation. An electrocardiogram showed amniotic fluid in the chambers of her heart, indicating that she had suffered from an amniotic fluid embolism, an extremely rare complication that manifests in response to amniotic fluid entering the bloodstream during delivery, which is not unusual.

“But a very select few women have an anaphylactic-like reaction to the fluid, which causes life-threatening blood clots. I was one of them,” Klassen says.

An amniotic fluid embolism can cause heart and lung collapse and excessive bleeding and clotting. Amniotic fluid embolism is an elusive syndrome with no known cause. The condition is estimated to affect one in 80,000 women during labor and when it happens, 80 percent of the women don’t survive. Newborn mortality is 30 to 40 percent. Surviving mothers and babies can suffer serious complications, such as brain and heart damage.

After Klassen’s diagnosis, doctors performed intravenous surgery to place a filter just below her heart to catch any potential blood clots that could form and travel to her heart as a result of the embolism.

The filter, in fact, caught a large clot that would have otherwise killed her.

“It was so large that they weren’t able to remove it, and it will be in me forever,” Klassen says. “Over time, it’s very likely that I will lose a lot of circulation in my legs as a result of it.”

Nonetheless, she’s glad to be alive and to be there for Bryce and her baby, whom they named Van. He’s now a completely healthy 4-year-old, meeting all of his developmental milestones.

Life lesson: After her near-death experience, Klassen started the AFE Foundation (www.afesupport.org), the first of its kind to educate women about amniotic fluid embolism and support families who have been affected.

“I’m going to take the blessing of having survived AFE and create a voice for people who can’t,” she says.

“Only five percent of people come out completely intact after AFE like my son and I have.”

Wrong diagnosis

“I was a walking fish tank.”

— Mikala Vidal, 28

When Vidal, a former public relations representative, was pregnant with her first child, she immediately began retaining so much water that almost every part of her body was bloated.

“At work, I joked that I was a walking fish tank. I had only one pair of shoes I could wear, and I could barely squeeze my arms and legs into my maternity clothes,” Vidal says.

Her ob-gyn brushed it off.

“I was told, ‘Some women just carry more water,’ ” recalled Vidal, so she shrugged it off, too. But six weeks before her due date, Vidal noticed some spotting, so she went to the doctor. From there, she was hospitalized and diagnosed with preeclampsia (pregnancy-induced hypertension). After a few days in the hospital, she was induced, because she had also been leaking amniotic fluid.

“At one point during the labor, I felt a huge pain just under my rib cage. When I told the nurse, she said it was just a contraction, and it was time for my epidural. I didn’t think it was a contraction, but then again, I had never had a baby before. So I got the epidural, and it did take away the pain,” Vidal says. Ten hours later, she delivered a healthy baby girl, Celia, who weighed 5 pounds, 1 ounce.

“Preeclampsia goes away after the baby is born, so I should have been cured,” Vidal says. But after her epidural wore off, she still had that excruciating rib-cage pain. “It turns out that my liver was failing, which was causing the pain, along with a few other organs. I had to be med-flighted to the intensive care unit at another hospital,” Vidal says.

There, she was stabilized and diagnosed with a severe case of hemolysis syndrome — a breakdown of red blood cells — elevated liver enzymes, and a low blood platelet count.

“It presents like preeclampsia, but only gets worse after you deliver,” Vidal says. Hemolysis syndrome occurs in less than one percent of all pregnancies, and mortality rates are reported to be as high as 25 percent.

Life lesson: “At the ob-gyn’s office, I just trusted the certified nurse midwife and never asked questions, which was a huge mistake. I knew retaining that much water wasn’t normal. I realize the importance of being your own advocate and asking as many questions as possible about your health and the health of the baby,” Vidal says.

For more information about hemolysis, visit www.aafp.org/afp/990901ap/829.html.

Sandra Gordon is a mom of two who writes about parenting, health, nutrition, and baby products for books, national magazines and websites. Visit her at www.sandrajgordon.com.

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Let your child’s favorite teacher know how much she means to your family.

Most people have had a special instructor who has made a difference in their lives. For a dyslexic student, a great teacher can have an impact on their ability to read, self-advocate, fit in, gain self-confidence, and most importantly, their capacity to smile.

The International Dyslexia Association is celebrating National Teacher’s Day on May 8 by inviting families to nominate a special educator as an “Unsung Hero.”

It is a title that celebrates the impact these invaluable individuals have had on children.

The Association will recognize each nominee by sending them a letter informing them of the nomination and naming them on their website. All those honored will be placed in a drawing for a $250 travel stipend, three nights’ accommodation, and one free registration to attend the association’s 63rd Annual Conference: Reading, Literacy, and Learning on Oct. 24 to 27 in Baltimore, Md.

To nominate a special educator, visit the Association’s website, www.interdys.org/AnnualHonorATeacher.htm. Entries are due by May 18. For more, call Lisa Harlow of Clapp Communications at (410) 561-8886, or e-mail lisa@barbclapp.com.

The International Dyslexia Association is a non-profit, scientific, and educational organization dedicated to the study and treatment of dyslexia, as well as related language-based learning differences. It operates 45 branches throughout the United States and Canada and has global partners in 18 countries, including Australia, Brazil, England, Germany, Ireland, and Japan.

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By Alison Arden Besunder

What is an estate plan? My husband and I own our apartment, but we don’t have a lot of income or assets. Do we really need a Last Will and Testament?

The answer to whether you need a Last Will and Testament is an emphatic yes! A will is part of your overall estate plan, which simply means that you have put the documents in place to ensure that your needs and your family’s needs are met during your lifetime and upon your death. A thorough and comprehensive plan typically includes not only a will, but also advanced directives such as a healthcare proxy, living will, and power of attorney. For some people, but not everyone, a revocable or irrevocable trust may help meet the individual or couple’s objectives and concerns.

An estate plan lays out how your assets are to be distributed upon your death through a will or trust, and designates the individual or individuals you want to handle your financial and health matters during your lifetime through the use of a power of attorney, a healthcare proxy, and living will.

The best place to start is to inventory and analyze the extent and nature of your assets. This includes your home, second homes, business interests (yes, even if you are a sole member of your company!), cash, stocks, bonds, annuities, retirement savings, and insurance policies. The next step is to consider the following questions:

• Who do you want to act as guardian for your minor children if you and your spouse both passed away (or were both incapacitated)?

• Who do you want to make medical decisions on your behalf if you were unable to do so?

• Who do you want to handle your financial affairs if you were to become incapacitated?

• When you die, how do you want your assets distributed? If you have children, at what age would you want them to receive the principal assets?

• Who would you want to administer and distribute your assets upon your death?

Even if you do not have the answers to each of these questions, you can start the process, and an attorney can help you evaluate your choices and make a decision. If you already have an estate plan in place, you should review it every few years or after major life developments, such as the birth of a child (or grandchild), after a divorce, the death of a spouse, a decline in health, or significant change in financial circumstances, or any of the above occurring in the life of one of your selected fiduciaries. Different issues arise throughout your lifetime, and changes in the law may occur which impact your plan.

By addressing these issues now and implementing an estate plan, you can avoid placing unnecessary stress and confusion on your loved ones in a time of crisis. An estate plan states to your family members and beneficiaries how you would want things handled in a crisis or at your death, or even when you are no longer able to state those wishes for yourself. Being clear about your intentions can prevent lengthy and costly legal battles, and preserves family harmony.

Alison Arden Besunder is the founding attorney of the Law Offices of Alison Arden Besunder P.C., where she assists new and not-so-new parents with their estate-planning needs. Her firm assists clients in New York City, Nassau, and Suffolk Counties. You can find Besunder on Twitter @estatetrustplan and on her website at www.besunderlaw.com.

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By Jenny Grace Torgerson

This month, the whole country will be celebrating Earth Day on April 22. In fact, Americans have been observing Earth Day since 1970, and this year is a great time for you and your family to join in the celebration.

Observing Earth Day with children is a fun and easy way to nurture budding environmentalists. Celebrations can be as simple as a trip to the local library to check out some books about conservation and recycling. A great one for children, agest 3 to 5, is Lauren Child’s “Charlie and Lola: We Are Extremely Very Good Recyclers.”

An extension of this visit could include instituting an in-home recycling policy. Find a box or large tray and designate it as a scrap bin. Throughout the week, place partially used paper, scraps from cutting, or interesting bits of fabric and ribbons in the bin and encourage your children to repurpose the items into art projects and creative play. Or, the next time you need to write down a phone number or e-mail address, reach into the bin for a scrap instead of using a whole sheet of paper. By encouraging your family to adopt this new mindset, you can keep the spirit of Earth Day alive in your home throughout the year.

For very young children, a simple art project might be just the way to get into the Earth Day spirit. Follow these simple instructions to create an outer-space view of the earth:

• Have your toddler or preschooler help you to mix equal parts shaving cream and paint (make one bowl of blue and another of green).

• Help your child cut out a construction-paper circle, roughly the size of a dinner plate (the project works best with either black or white paper).

• Let your child swirl the shaving cream paint mixture all over the paper until the entire sheet is covered. For best results, encourage your child to use a lot of the mixture and create variations in depth, rather than spreading the mixture more finely over the page.

• When the mixture dries, your child will have a piece of art that resembles the earth as viewed from outer-space.

This project can be used as a jumping off point for further discussions with your tot about Earth, its natural resources, and the celebration of Earth Day.

If you are looking for an Earth Day event that the whole family can attend, New York City is the place to be. Throughout the week leading up to Earth Day, family events are scheduled around the city. One of the biggest, the Grand Central Indoors/Outdoors Earth Day event, takes place April 20-21 at Grand Central Terminal. This family-friendly fair features interactive exhibits that cover a wide range of environmental topics.

It doesn’t matter how you and your family choose to celebrate Earth Day this year, just do it.

Grand Central Indoors/Outdoors Earth Day event at Grand Central Terminal (87 E. 42nd St. between Madison and Park avenues in Manhattan) April 20 to 21. For a full schedule of city-sponsored Earth Day events, check out www.earthdayny.org.

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By Linda Kastiel Kozlowski

These sources can provide more information on gun safety.

• Project ChildSafe is the nation’s largest firearm safety education program. It provides free gun safety kits, which include a cable-style gun-locking device, lock installment instructions, and a safety booklet. These kits are available through participating law enforcement agencies. Parents are encouraged to contact their local police department to determine if they participate in this free program.

• Your Local Gun Laws. For easy access to information on gun laws in effect in your state, check out www.bradycampaign.org.

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By Linda Kastiel Kozlowski

Whatever your opinion on the second amendment, any parent would agree that guns and kids just don’t mix. Mix, however, they sometimes do, and with tragic consequences. A recent study by the Global Strategy Group reveals that 26 percent of kids, aged 13 to 18 years old, say that guns are in their homes. Even more alarming, virtually half of those kids say that they have ready access to that gun. Other studies reveal that 40 percent of American homes with kids also have guns.

If we choose to keep guns in our homes, there are appropriate measures which can be taken to protect our kids. Responsible gun owners do just that. But what about your neighbor, your relatives, and your child’s new best friend? Are we to assume they are as responsible?

While every parent’s first instinct may be to talk to her child about gun safety, that’s now seen as important, yet, only the first step. The Center to Prevent Youth Violence believes that at a minimum, every parent should teach her children these simple rules if they see a gun:

• Stop!

• Don’t touch

• Leave the area

• Tell an adult right away

A second step involves directly asking if guns are present in any home your child visits. That’s where the “Asking Saves Kids” program comes in. Developed by the Center to Prevent Youth Violence, it encourages parents to step outside of their comfort zones and inquire about gun ownership wherever their children spend time.

How to ask

Since it can be an awkward subject, the ASK campaign offers tips to make it a bit easier. It suggests that you include the question along with other ones you might ask (“Do you have a pool and is it fenced?”), or whenever you share key information (“My son is allergic to dogs, do you have any?”). If you present your concerns in a responsible manner, your question should be respected.

What if they say ‘yes?’

Of course, if the answer is “no,” you simply have one less thing to worry about. If the answer is “yes,” the conversation naturally turns to finding out more about where the gun is stored, and how it is secured. Guns should be stored unloaded and locked (preferably in a gun safe), with the ammunition stored, and locked up, separately.

Making sure any gun is secure is an important next step. A reply indicating that it’s hidden or out of reach should appropriately make your skin crawl. Consider that according to Global Strategy Group’s study, 19 percent of the 13- to 18-year-olds have seen or held a gun without their parents’ knowledge. Follow your instincts as you weigh any reply. A parent’s gut seldom leads her astray. Of course, if you have any doubts about your child’s safety, you can always invite the children to play at your house instead.

The most recent statistics from the National Center for Injury Prevention and Control reveal that in 2009, more than 3,500 children were treated in emergency rooms for unintentional gunshot wounds. In more than half of the cases of accidental shooting deaths of children under 15, the shooting occurred at someone else’s home.

So let’s take the next step and ASK one more question whenever we send our kids out into the world, or just across the street.

Linda Kastiel Kozlowski is a freelance writer, residing in Glen Ellyn, Ill. with her husband, two sons, lots of animals, and no guns.

Sources

Center to Prevent Youth Violence, www.cpyv.org. For more, on the National ASK Day, e-mail ask@cpyv.org.

National Center for Injury Prevention and Control (division of the CDC), Jennifer Wolfe, jwolfe@cpyv.org, webappa.cdc.gov/sasweb/ncipc/leadcaus10.html.

Brady Campaign to Prevent Gun Violence, www.bradycampaign.org.

Global Strategy Group, www.globalstrategygroup.com. Study was conducted in October 2011 among more than 800 children, aged 13 to 18.

Hemenway and Miller, “Unintentional firearm deaths: A comparison of other-inflicted and self-inflicted shootings,” Accident Analysis and Prevention, July 2010.

Project ChildSafe, www.projectchildsafe.com.

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By Allison Plitt

They are the top students in their classes, play varsity sports, and are editors of their school newspapers or yearbooks. They come from intact homes of married parents who have high expectations for their children and have few worries about giving their kids iPhones, laptops, and cars.

These are not students prepared to graduate from high school and head off to college, but rather teenagers sitting in psychologists’ offices throughout the nation talking about how empty they feel and how disconnected they are from their parents. They are usually suffering from depression and anxiety and are on the cusp of developing an addiction to drugs, alcohol, or food.

In her book, “The Price of Privilege,” psychologist Madeline Levine discusses what she sees as a trend among some affluent families that is sweeping across the United States. According to Levine, some well-to-do parents have become so obsessed with providing materialistically comfortable lifestyles for their children, that they have neglected to nurture their children’s own self-identities.

Too much pressure

What the media has dubbed an “epidemic” is really a vicious cycle of parents working too hard to provide the best for their kids, and demanding that their kids work just as hard at school and sports, while the kids just want to please their parents, says Levine.

“The popular press has devoted rivers of ink to chronicling the ‘epidemic’ of narcissistic, over-involved parents producing spoiled, entitled children with poor values,” she writes. “But my experience leads me to a very different conclusion. Most of my patients are deeply troubled, not spoiled; most of their parents are not narcissistic, but are struggling, often quite alone, with their own problems.”

In order to send their children to the best schools and provide them with after-school lessons and the latest electronic gadgets, these parents need to work longer hours, thus, leaving less time for them to spend with their families, says Levine. This, in turn, has a negative effect on the kids.

“In affluent families, where social and professional demands can be highly time consuming, there is often a lack of ‘family time.’ In what some researchers call the ‘silver spoon syndrome,’ affluent kids are often painfully aware that they rate low on their parents’ ‘to-do’ list,” Levine states. “As a result, there is an inverse relationship between income and closeness to parents. Lower-socioeconomic kids are far more likely to report feeling close to their parents than kids from high socioeconomic homes.”

And the effects of this trend, Levine says, are producing dire consequences: since 1950, teenage suicide rates have quadrupled. She attributes this to parents who overly stress academics, so they can prepare their children to graduate from elite colleges and find well-paying jobs, which they feel will bring the kids a standard of living that was, in reality, much more easily obtainable 60 years ago.

Modern society continues to emphasize the idea that material wealth is a sign of success, Levine says, and families think they must always look good in the eyes of their neighbors. In addition to being able to afford expensive homes and cars, parents also want children who are model students and athletes, and have come to demand perfection from their kids. On the other hand, these parents are also overprotecting their children to the point that the kids lack the emotional and social skills necessary to survive on their own once they leave home.

“While demands for outstanding academic or extracurricular performance are very high, expectations about family responsibilities are amazingly low. This kind of imbalance in expectations results in kids who regularly expect others to ‘take up the slack,’ rather than learning themselves how to prioritize tasks or how to manage time,” Levine writes. “Tutors, coaches, counselors, and psychotherapists are all enlisted by parents to shore up performance and help ensure the kind of academic and athletic success so prized in my community.”

Seeking approval

Consequently, some of these teens have developed such a need for acceptance from their parents that they feel they are playing roles of what is expected of them, instead of forging their own identities as individuals.

Constantly seeking approval from their parents, these teens are not learning to act instinctually and develop an inner sense of self.

“The kids I see have been given all kinds of material advantages, yet feel that they have nothing genuine to anchor their lives to,” writes Levine. “They lack spontaneity, creativity, enthusiasm, and, most disturbingly, the capacity for pleasure.”

Case studies

Levine refers to many of her own case histories in her book. In one, she writes about a son who works hard to gain acceptance to his father’s Ivy League alma mater, but once he arrives on campus, he’s so miserable that he develops a drinking problem. The son ends up returning home and attending a local college where he finally studies a subject that interests him, makes friends, and finds himself a girlfriend who shares his interests and values.

Then, there is the teenage girl who is studying dance. Her father, a prominent businessman who is usually physically and emotionally absent from the home, does not take her interest in dance seriously. As a result, the teenager falls into a deep depression. It is her stay-at-home mother, also suffering from depression, who becomes her ally and supports her daughter as she pursues a career in dance.

Levine discusses case histories with which readers can identify, but she also has patients who recount unbelievable stories. In one instance, a teenager’s quiet, artistic nature was so ignored by his parents, he developed a cocaine problem in his teens. Through therapy, the teenager was able to quit his addiction, but then found cocaine in the kitchen of his home. Apparently, both his parents were abusers as well.

Levine also details an account of a teen who went on a resort vacation with his family. His parents not only decided to lodge in a separate room, they put their children in a villa at the other end of the resort. Not surprisingly, later in life, the children had difficulty dealing with their feelings of neglect and abandonment, developed serious drug addictions, and fell in trouble with the law.

Levine uses these cases to show that children desire to feel secure and loved unconditionally, and that parents need to spend quality time with their children and listen carefully to their thoughts and desires. With busy working parents and overscheduled kids, families need to slow down and create peaceful moments when they can spend meaningful time together.

Advice for parents

Levine offers advice to these parents to help them develop better relationships with their children, saying that children crave rituals and traditions.

“Perhaps the single most important ritual a family can observe is having dinner together,” she writes. “Families who eat together five or more times a week have kids who are significantly less likely to use tobacco, alcohol, or marijuana, have higher grade point averages, less depressive symptoms, and fewer suicide attempts than families who eat together two or fewer times a week.”

Parents do not need to stay at home and not work in order to spend quality time with their children, she says, but rather, should know that an emotionally happy child most often has emotionally happy parents. She aims this specifically at mothers, since women are usually the ones who feel conflicted about their decisions to either stay at home or go back to work after their children are born.

Teenagers need clearly defined boundaries, she says, and parents should enforce household rules about curfews, completing homework, and the amount of time that children spend watching TV, texting, or using the computer. When parents do not set boundaries, she says, kids often feel that their parents don’t care enough about them to raise them more strictly.

Levine also believes that parents should have their children do chores or get part-time jobs to learn the importance of hard work as a motivating factor for achievement. She views the responsibility of holding a job as a more valuable experience for a teenager than getting a report card with straight As.

She says, however, that teenagers should make their own decisions about choosing age-appropriate clothing, friends, and extra-curricular activities. In making their own choices, teenagers gain self-confidence and a sense of independence.

• • •

Levine’s book makes a convincing case about the parenting phenomenon that is ailing many well-to-do families nationwide. If parents really want their children to succeed, they must teach their kids to be accountable for their actions, instead of placing responsibility and blame upon others. Most importantly, families must provide a nurturing home, where their kids feel they can openly express themselves and where parents can learn to accept and love their children for who they are.

Allison Plitt is a contributing writer for New York Parenting Media and a mother living in Queens with a 6-year-old daughter. If you have ideas to share about topics for articles or resources for families, please contact her at allisonplitt@hotmail.com.

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Once Upon a Story,” at the Bedford Village School, celebrates America and brings to life the legendary characters “Johnny Appleseed” and “Big Annie,” and the Native American tale, “The Growing Rock,” with shadow puppets. Children also enjoy a sing-along with American SongFest, which praises the diversity of our culture through song. The hour-long performance runs from April 4 to May 9 and is suitable for school-aged children, Pre-K through third grade.

“Once Upon a Story” at the Bedford Village School [50 Jefferson Ave. at Franklin Avenue, (212) 724-0677] Performances are April 4, 5, 17, 18, 19, 20, 24, 25, 26, 27; and May 1, 2, 3, 4, 8, and 9 at 10:30 am, and at 11 am on April 21 and May 5. Tickets for all performances are $10 in advance, $15 at the door. For more info, visit www.shadowboxtheatre.org.

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By Lisa J. Curtis

Delight your child with Scholastic’s animated version of Janell Cannon’s classic, “Stellaluna” — a DVD that brings to life the eponymous fruit bat which becomes separated from her mother by a swooping, hungry owl.

A teensy bit scary? Maybe, but a lot of fun at the same time. Stellaluna’s story is about accepting what makes her different, and along the way, the viewer learns fun facts about these jungle inhabitants, including what makes a fruit bat different from birds: Did you know they sleep upside down and are covered in fur? All ends happily with Stellaluna reuniting with her mother. The DVD also has the option to watch the film with a read-along function — subtitles highlight each word as it’s spoken — which could be a boon for young readers. Fun songs are folded into the narrative, too, and it’s recommended for children ages 2–8.

“Stellaluna” DVD, $12.95. Visit newkideo.com.

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By Jenny Grace Torgerson

For two kids with a passion for dance, nothing could stop them from realizing their dreams. Because of their spirit and dedication, these two, now in their early 20s, are dancing with one of the most prestigious — and competitive — dance companies in the city.

Paige Fraser

Many little girls grow up dreaming of becoming dancers. For Paige Fraser, that dream is a reality. Fraser is a member of the Ailey II dance company, affiliated with the prestigious Alvin Ailey American Dance Theatre. After beginning her dance training at the age of 4, Fraser spent 12 years in serious study, which led to a spot in the Alvin Ailey high school program.

“It was a great experience and a huge privilege,” says Fraser, now 21. That led to a chance for Fraser to study further with the Alvin Ailey company while pursuing her degree at Fordham University, where she is currently a senior. In 2010, Fraser was one of 12 dancers selected out of the Ailey School’s 1,500 to join the Ailey II company.

However, Fraser’s dream of becoming a professional dancer almost turned into a nightmare. At the age of 12, the Eastchester Bronx native was diagnosed with scoliosis, which severely affects the alignment of her spine and pelvis. After being urged by several doctors to undergo corrective surgery that would effectively end her dream of becoming a professional dancer, Fraser and her parents made the pivotal decision to forgo. Instead, through yoga and gyrotonics (which is a form of pilates-like exercise involving machinery), Fraser built up strength in her core muscles and managed to all but correct her scoliosis.

“People see me today, and they don’t believe I have scoliosis,” says Fraser. “It’s a blessing that I am still pursuing a career in dance.”

And today, Fraser is focused on dance and her studies. Although she enjoys modeling and musical theatre, she says “dance is my main passion and has to have all of my attention.” That focus has certainly paid off.

In 2010, Fraser had the honor of performing in Alvin Ailey’s “Memoria” in celebration of the company’s 50th anniversary. Over the past year, Fraser has performed across Europe, in 35 U.S. cities, and on the island of Bermuda. This year, she will be dancing leading roles in Thang Dao’s “Echoes,” Troy Powell’s “Reference Point,” and Donald Byrd’s “Shards,” all with Ailey II. Someday, Fraser would love to be a part of the main Ailey company.

Fraser’s advice for others aspiring to follow in her dancing footsteps is to remember to “never settle for someone else’s opinion, and to believe in yourself and never give up.”

Thomas Varvaro

Growing up in Marine Park, Brooklyn, dance was not on Thomas Varvaro’s mind. As an avid sports enthusiast, Varvaro’s dreams revolved around baseball and karate. So, when his mother initially suggested he take up dance, Varvaro balked.

“I thought it was too girly,” says the now 22-year-old. But his mother saw through his hesitation to his desire to perform and insisted he try. At age 8, Varvaro took his first dance class, and his career as a dancer was born.

After his initial training, Varvaro took a trip with his mother to see the American Ballet Academy perform a production of “A Midsummer Night’s Dream,” and he knew he was on the right path.

“It really made it obvious to me that this is what I should be doing,” remembers Varvaro. After that pivotal moment, Varvaro went on to earn a place at Bay Academy, a former performing arts magnet school, where his teachers realized his exceptional potential. At the faculty’s urging, Varvaro auditioned for, and landed, a space in the Ailey Athletic Boys Dance Program, where his technique grew.

Varvaro felt from the beginning that the Ailey school was welcoming to him and his family, and he felt at home there.

“The faculty took the time to get to know me and help me,” he says.

With their support, Varvaro went on to study at LaGuardia Performing Arts High School, where he honed his classical ballet technique through a joint program with the School of American Ballet. At the end of his senior year, his hours of training really paid off. He chose to return to Ailey and its Bachelor of Fine Arts program. From there, the prestigious — and immensely competitive — Ailey II company asked Varvaro to become an apprentice.

For Varvaro, it was “a dream come true to join the company.” As a young dancer, he had collected Alvin Ailey American Dance Theatre posters and fliers and dreamed of someday dancing with them. While apprenticing with Ailey II, Varvaro would sit in on rehearsals, watch the dancers, and happily soak up every moment of the experience.

Now a full-fledged member of Ailey II, dance has taken Varvaro to places he only ever dreamed of visiting. As an apprentice, he spent a summer dancing in Paris, and last season, he toured with the company throughout Europe and across the United States. After this season in New York, Varvaro will be traveling with the company to Germany, Poland, and Luxembourg.

“Dance has taught me that you really can live your dream; with dedication it’s possible,” says Varvaro. And he hasn’t stopped dreaming. After his time in Ailey II is over, Varvaro hopes to join the main Ailey company, or possibly dance with Cirque du Soleil, then get a Master’s degree and teach dance to other dreamers.

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